(Closed) Fight with my mom over soloist/wedding music. Advice please!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?
    Get over yourself - have what your mom wants - the soloist : (0 votes)
    Tell your mom she can't decide this thing : (23 votes)
    92 %
    Other (please explain) : (2 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4803 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @med700:  No, you are not being unreasonable here!  I would not want some dude singing a song I didn’t even like while I was walking down the aisle.

    Maybe you can compromise with her an d say he can sing ONE song, maybe while you sign the register, or maybe during your reception?

    Post # 5
    Member
    1276 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    You are not being a bridezilla at all. I would tell your mom that at your wedding, you do not want to walk down the aisle to a man singing. Explain to her that you understand her closeness to the soloist but that he does not fit in with the church’s regulations. That way, she doesn’t get mad at you for it. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    46597 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Am I misunderstanding something here?

    ” (my church has a very strict music code – all music must be the “glory of god” which I accept)”

    doesn’t this give you the out to say because he can’t and won’t sing songs that meet the requirements of the church, you can’t use him?

    Post # 7
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I do not think you should give in.  I think it’s a very emotional moment when you walk down the aisle and memories of this guy singing should NOT be part of it!

    I would blame it on the guy to your mom.  Meaning – he seems all or nothing and not willing to compromise – so, I’d just say you thought about it and don’t want that for YOUR wedding.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @med700: don’t be hesitant talking to your mom about it.  Approach it calmly and in a very matter of fact way.  Tell your mother than while yes, you are her only daughter, it is your express wish that he not sing and you are sorry that she won’t be able to hear him on the wedding day.  Just be calm and kind about it.  It’s obviously something she’s dreamed about for a long time and had a vision for…. but, it’s not the end of the world and she’ll get over it.  πŸ™‚

    Post # 10
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    You said you don’t want to destroy her dream, but what about your dream? This is your wedding and I’m sure you have had dreams and hopes about the way it would go. I think the singer sounds very difficult to work with and not at all like he particularly cares how your wedding turns out. If you really need to please your mom, I would talk to the guy and find one song he can sing at some point and if he doesn’t like it or want to do that, then find someone else.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @med700: I’m with julies1949, it sounds like you have an out here and need to use it. Moreover, this is your day and no, dude will not be singing as you walk down the aisle.

    Why not have him sing during the cocktail hour to entertain guests? That way he is still a part of your day for your mom’s “only daughter’s wedding” but not during the ceremony?

    Post # 13
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    @med700: my entire wedding collided with what my family thought my wedding should look like.  It caused me so much grief during the planning – it was ridiculous and I almost scrapped the entire thing to elope.  But, what it made me do is reevaluate what was really important to me in terms of what our wedding should look like.  And – the kicker was – at the end of it all – everyone LOVED the wedding.

    Planning makes people crazy – and I’m not trying to be funny.  It’s true.  It’s this strange collision of unspoken hopes and dreams – often making the bride and groom go batty trying to naviage through it.

    Out of curiousity – does your Fiance have an opinion?

    ETA:  If my mom had her heart set on a solist that I didn’t want for my wedding, it would not make me feel bad telling her I didn’t want one… just remind yourself that it’s not her wedding – maybe that will help??

    Post # 15
    Member
    287 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I was thinking along the lines of MademoiselleL It seems like he’s being a diva, solist-zilla? lol.  Try and talk to him without your mom maybe? Ask him if he’ll work with you and do one song,  otherwise just say the church won’t let him because it has to be all religious songs.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

     Sorry, but Mom will have to be disappointed.  Your church has rules and if he can’t follow them, it won’t work. 

    You can always have him sing during cocktail hour but honestly if he isn’t going to be accompanied by fellow musicians, it will be more of a Karoke hour. 

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