(Closed) Fighting & Engaged :'(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

is he super stressed about something at work?

And i’m not trying to scold you but i can see why he wrote that back to you. Your message was kind of harsh. I always find that even when i’m irritated i try to stay nice in my texts. Cause if i give him attittude that is exactly what i get back. So i say what i mean just nicely.

But i think that is kind of normal. i mean little spats here and there are totally normal. But if this becomes a habit then maybe you need to talk to him about it. Just cause you got engaged isnt an excuse for him to be nasty to you.

Post # 4
Member
5219 posts
Bee Keeper

Of course this kind of stuff happens… people lash out and dont mean to. Just because you get enagaged or married doesn’t mean the problems, situations or aggravations that you had when dating just go away. Maybe you two need to take a night off and have separate “me” time for the both of you, and when you do spend time together don’t get all caught up in “Wedding talk”, but just enjoy each others company.

If he really is being a jerk, and it is coming out of no where, sit down and have a talk with him. Dont accuse him of being any certain way but say, ” When you act like X it makes me feel like X” or something to that effect. Maybe it is work stress or something not related to you but he is taking it out on you. Just talk! It can do wonders….

Post # 5
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Stress can make people do things that make no sense but hang it there… it wil get better

 

Post # 6
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

No, this stuff didn’t happen to us. It did when I was in immature, unhealthy relationships in the past.

Everyone has bad days, but I don’t really think stress is a good excuse to be a jerk to someone. Maybe a snap every now and then is normal, but if it’s ongoing, I would not tolerate that.

Post # 7
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Normal or not, getting married won’t change it. Try to work through it (especially if this is “typical” behavior in your relationship.) I can say that that kind of thing doesn’t happen to me. (Though similar things had happened when I was younger with past boyfriends.) If you can’t work through it/fix it, decide if that’s the kind of relationship you want for the rest of your life.  Because again, getting married doesn’t fix anything.

Post # 8
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Part of me has felt like my fiancé and I have started arguing more since we’ve been engaged. I think it’s because we have gotten busy bad see each other less which leads to arguments. 

Post # 9
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We’ve only had one tense convo since getting engaged and that was during him working 4 doubles back to back and myself dealing with a sudden and unexpected death of an uncle. We immediately both apologized and articulated why we were feeling so touchy.

When we were younger we certainly lashed out repeatedly and would get into jealous spats, but it was important to us that we grow up and use our big kid words which actually happened when we took a year apart for traveling and pursuing cross country jobs. 

All I can say, is don’t read too much into it, we all act like asses occasionally, but if this behavior continues on one or both sides you need to have a sit down about how to better discuss issues you are having as individuals and as a couple. Things are about to get much more stressful both as you take this relationship to a new level and dealing with planning a wedding, both parties need to be able to discuss things rationally without hurting the other person.

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