- 6 years ago
Hey gals. I’m not on here very often, but I am desperate for some help.
My guy and I get along pretty well in every aspect of life….except one area that is just tearing us apart. Finances.
He does not do well in financial matters. He’s generally really uptight with money and I like to spend. We tend to balance things out. Sounds healthy, except any financial hiccup and he loses it.
He actually got a new job recently that tripled his income and things are good financially. Last month though I had an intense allergic reaction to something and had to go to the ER. I do have insurance, but it doesn’t cover everything.
He totally lost it on me because of my ER bill. He actually yelled at me (and he never yells) and told me how mad he was at me for this ER bill. He actually used accusatory language and straight up blamed me. I felt so incredibly guilty as it is anyway, I sobbed for a few hours, considered getting my own crappy apartment, then called my mom who offered to help out with the medical expenses and thing settled down .
So, we got our Comcast bill in the mail today, and he immediately lost it again. He started whining about how he hates how his money is gets drained away, threw the bill on the floor and got pissy. I’m not proud to say but I yelled at him, told him I have no sympathy after nearly 3 years telling him the same thing over and over. He unfairly brought up the point that I don’t have sympathy for anyone (which is a below the belt jab at my aspergr’s. I honestly do struggle greatly to have sympathy for other’s).
So, I’ve been begging him for 2 years to create a real, tangible budget. I’ve made one for him multiple times.
I know I need to spend less money, but I have 0 idea how much money we have and when since he doesn’t tell me anything. I know “We don’t have a lot of money” means we can’t go on shopping sprees, but I don’t know if it means we can’t buy that $10 item at the bookstore or whatever. He refuses to let me in on our finances. I currently don’t have a job since college is enough of a workload. I struggle very much socially and I have pretty sereious health problems due to an autoimmune disease I’ve been fighting with for 20 years.
I get enough money from school right now to pay my half of everthing, but it’s irregular so I don’t have a bank account anymore really. I just dump my money every 4 months into his account and we both use it. He just refuses to let me in on how much he has in his account or any other information so I can understand the numbers.
Anyway, he got his work stuff and went I have no idea where and….I just… don’t even know anymore. I just need him to stop. I don’t even know how else to describe him. He just needs to stop it. I’ve told him that, I’ve begged, pleaded, yelled….freaking brick wall. I’m at a loss. I’ve said everything that could be said. I even told him that last time. There really is nothing more to say…but still, the problem persists. What on Earth do I do now? I can’t deal with this. I’ve had a cold for the last week and I’m exhausted. He even said he wouldn’t look at the bills right now to maybe help ensure he wouldn’t just explode. I’m ashamed for losing my cool, it doesn’t justify it, but I just wasn’t going to be guilt tripped and spend the next couple of hours sobbing.
I also know why he’s frustrated. We aren’t engaged yet, and he claims he would love to save up for a ring, he just can’t (after nearly 3 years.. I secretly roll my eyes a bit at that). So I know he gets really frustrated. I’ve told him again and again that he is free to get upset, but I need him to handle it better. I’ve told him again and again that if he would set a budget he could have some spending $$$ and not have it upset him every time.