(Closed) Fighting about rings: I’m a big complainer… and I’m the one who picked it out!

posted 11 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m sorry, but your FH is right–it is just a piece of metal. He bought you a ring that he found unnecessary. Isn’t that enough? Or, as other posters said, why not buy your own if you want more bling? Also, it’s a pretty ring–elegant and understated. I’m with your FH on this one–the emotional value trumps how much it cost every time, at least for me. That’s the important thing.

Post # 18
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with moderndaisy and others – he doesn’t have to understand, but if it’s important to you and there’s truly no reason you “can’t afford it” – then you should be able to have what you want (even if you pitch in for some of the cost yourself). 

If he insists on paying 100%, or he wants you to have plain matching bands for the wedding rings, maybe you buy yourself a nice eternity band that you can stack on.

It just doesn’t seem right that he holds all the cards with this – you are allowed to like what you like, especially if you can pitch in some coin of your own!

Maybe you can explain it to him like, one day, he may want a motorcycle, or a huge TV, etc. (something that you personally have no need for and kind of feel is a dumb use of money).  Would it be cool for you to be like, no, nope, sorry… assuming the money’s there for it?  If you both make good money, you should both be able to get some of the little extras that make you happy, even if the other doesn’t “get it.”


Post # 19
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That band is gorgeous!! Call me biased or whatever, but from the looks of it, that is EXACTLY my wedding band!!!!!! I’d actually love to see another up close picture to see if it is my wedding band. Haha!! Does it have little groves next to the sides?? And are the diamonds the same size?? If so, it’ my wedding band. Which I should add came as a set with my engagement ring. I seriously love that ring!! It’s so delicate and feminine!! Wear it in good health and show that baby off!!

Post # 20
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I totally know where your venting is coming from. My Fiance got me a lovely ring, but it just isn’t my style… And it isn’t about being materialistic. I don’t think you’re being superficial at all. I think it can just hurt your feelings when you look around and hear about all of these guys who spent so much time (and money) finding the “perfect” ring, consulting their girlfriends’ tastes, even having a ring custom-made for them– and to feel like your guy doesn’t care about your expectations and desires.

From what I have heard and can tell, my Fiance went to one place (not a high-end jewelry store) and picked out the ring he thought was prettiest on display that day. From what he’s said, he didn’t even make sure the size was right. It’s a full size smaller than what I wear. I think he just got all excited and wanted to get the ring right away, so he could give it to me when he wanted to. He got the certificate and everything, but he hadn’t even studied up on the 4 C’s before he went! I do love my center stone– so sparkly! and he just happened to luck out on the quality– but the style of the ring isn’t me. And I felt hurt that it wasn’t even the same color or the style of my other jewelry. Yet he felt hurt when I mentioned that I might like to get a different mount or a semi-mount (keeping the same diamond)– so I’ve just given that up. What I’m thinking about is getting a completely different ring for my wedding ring– because I get to choose that.

Post # 21
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I understand where you’re coming from, I don’t think it’s shallow at all.  It just sounds like you and your Fiance have very different ideas on rings.

My advice to you:

Keep the engagement ring the way it is, it’s special to you since you both picked it out and it’s symbolic to you.  I would just splurge a little more for the wedding ring.  I think you compromised a lot by choosing a less expensive engagment ring, so it’s his turn to compromise and let you get a more luxurious wedding band.  A lot of women only wear their wedding band once they’re married, not necessarily both rings, so it doesn’t exactly have to match your engagement ring.  That’s what I’d do.  He should understand this, and since it’s your wedding band, you can help contribute to the cost and maybe it won’t be so weird for him like that.  I think this would be a fair solution for both of you, and no feelings hurt.

Good luck.

Post # 22
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Hey, sorry I’m way late on this thread but I just wanted to put in my two cents. I dated a foreigner (German) for a long time, and he never understood why some thing were important to me. He used to say that he could never imagine spending $5,000 on a ring (which to me is the bare minimum for a nice ring), but then I’d point out that he’d willingly spend that on a tv for himself. It was frustrating to not agree on the same things, especially when it comes to money. I eventually (2.5 yrs later) broke up with him because I realized we were never go to agree on some very fundamental issues (not just ring costs). I think you and your man need to talk about money and what’s important to you. A lot of issues like this are going to come up in the future, and you might not want to always pick the cheaper option (house, car, vacation, etc).

Just something to think about, good luck!!!

Post # 23
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

First of all, I’m sorry you two are fighting.  Different cultures often clash on the oddest of things!

Well, here’s my advice.  First of all, I think your ring is beautiful.  Definitely something that I would have considered getting, because I love delicate rings.  Second, my ring only cost M $455!  And I would never have asked him to spend more on it.  We are both college students, and while we could easily have paid for a bigger/fancier ring, I would have felt literally sick blowing all that money on one piece of jewelry.  The money we saved by getting a smaller ring is going towards things that are more important to us (and, quite frankly, I believe should be more important to anybody!) like a future home, our educations, and maybe even a fantastic honeymoon.  So I would not worry about how much your ring cost or how big it is, because the money you save on the ring can be spent on a dozen other things in the future!

Now, I think the thing that is really bothering you is not how big or fancy or expensive your ring is, but the manner in which it was bought.  It doesn’t sound like your Fiance put a ton of thought or emotion into his choice.  He just did what you told him was “normal” and bought the cheapest thing that fit into that category.  I also think that neither of you is really being very understanding of the other’s culture.  He can’t wrap his head around the idea of getting a big, expensive ring as an engagement gift, when he feels like the wedding ring is more important.  And I don’t think you are doing the best job at stepping into an outsider’s shoes and realizing that it IS kind of odd how much money Americans spend on engagement rings!  So I think maybe you two should sit down and discuss this again.  Explain to him again why the engagement ring is so important to you, and have him explain exactly what his feelings are about it.  Then find a compromise that makes both of you happy by getting you something beautiful and high-quality, but not spending more than your Fiance is comfortable with!  

I really suggest you look at colored gemstones, btw.  They are quite a bit cheaper and you can get something that is blingy while spending less than half of what you would buying a diamond.  It’s what we did–and everyone is always telling us how beautiful our sapphire is!

Post # 24
2018 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i totally understand your frustration, but you have to remember that the size/price isn’t important — your marriage is! i second trail mix’s post.

Post # 25
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I know this is an old thread but your ring is really pretty.

Post # 27
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I love your rings! They compliment each other really well and I’m glad everything workd out!

Post # 28
3974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Your rings are gorgeous!

Post # 29
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

glag everything worked out. they are all beautiful together!

Post # 30
1384 posts
Bumble bee

Gorgeous! Great pick. I really like the look of those two together. 🙂

Post # 31
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Gorgeous rings!! Glad everything worked out!!!

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