Post # 17
I’m sorry, but your FH is right–it is just a piece of metal. He bought you a ring that he found unnecessary. Isn’t that enough? Or, as other posters said, why not buy your own if you want more bling? Also, it’s a pretty ring–elegant and understated. I’m with your FH on this one–the emotional value trumps how much it cost every time, at least for me. That’s the important thing.
Post # 18
I agree with moderndaisy and others – he doesn’t have to understand, but if it’s important to you and there’s truly no reason you “can’t afford it” – then you should be able to have what you want (even if you pitch in for some of the cost yourself).
If he insists on paying 100%, or he wants you to have plain matching bands for the wedding rings, maybe you buy yourself a nice eternity band that you can stack on.
It just doesn’t seem right that he holds all the cards with this – you are allowed to like what you like, especially if you can pitch in some coin of your own!
Maybe you can explain it to him like, one day, he may want a motorcycle, or a huge TV, etc. (something that you personally have no need for and kind of feel is a dumb use of money). Would it be cool for you to be like, no, nope, sorry… assuming the money’s there for it? If you both make good money, you should both be able to get some of the little extras that make you happy, even if the other doesn’t “get it.”
Post # 19
That band is gorgeous!! Call me biased or whatever, but from the looks of it, that is EXACTLY my wedding band!!!!!! I’d actually love to see another up close picture to see if it is my wedding band. Haha!! Does it have little groves next to the sides?? And are the diamonds the same size?? If so, it’ my wedding band. Which I should add came as a set with my engagement ring. I seriously love that ring!! It’s so delicate and feminine!! Wear it in good health and show that baby off!!
Post # 20
I totally know where your venting is coming from. My Fiance got me a lovely ring, but it just isn’t my style… And it isn’t about being materialistic. I don’t think you’re being superficial at all. I think it can just hurt your feelings when you look around and hear about all of these guys who spent so much time (and money) finding the “perfect” ring, consulting their girlfriends’ tastes, even having a ring custom-made for them– and to feel like your guy doesn’t care about your expectations and desires.
From what I have heard and can tell, my Fiance went to one place (not a high-end jewelry store) and picked out the ring he thought was prettiest on display that day. From what he’s said, he didn’t even make sure the size was right. It’s a full size smaller than what I wear. I think he just got all excited and wanted to get the ring right away, so he could give it to me when he wanted to. He got the certificate and everything, but he hadn’t even studied up on the 4 C’s before he went! I do love my center stone– so sparkly! and he just happened to luck out on the quality– but the style of the ring isn’t me. And I felt hurt that it wasn’t even the same color or the style of my other jewelry. Yet he felt hurt when I mentioned that I might like to get a different mount or a semi-mount (keeping the same diamond)– so I’ve just given that up. What I’m thinking about is getting a completely different ring for my wedding ring– because I get to choose that.
Post # 21
I understand where you’re coming from, I don’t think it’s shallow at all. It just sounds like you and your Fiance have very different ideas on rings.
My advice to you:
Keep the engagement ring the way it is, it’s special to you since you both picked it out and it’s symbolic to you. I would just splurge a little more for the wedding ring. I think you compromised a lot by choosing a less expensive engagment ring, so it’s his turn to compromise and let you get a more luxurious wedding band. A lot of women only wear their wedding band once they’re married, not necessarily both rings, so it doesn’t exactly have to match your engagement ring. That’s what I’d do. He should understand this, and since it’s your wedding band, you can help contribute to the cost and maybe it won’t be so weird for him like that. I think this would be a fair solution for both of you, and no feelings hurt.
Post # 22
Hey, sorry I’m way late on this thread but I just wanted to put in my two cents. I dated a foreigner (German) for a long time, and he never understood why some thing were important to me. He used to say that he could never imagine spending $5,000 on a ring (which to me is the bare minimum for a nice ring), but then I’d point out that he’d willingly spend that on a tv for himself. It was frustrating to not agree on the same things, especially when it comes to money. I eventually (2.5 yrs later) broke up with him because I realized we were never go to agree on some very fundamental issues (not just ring costs). I think you and your man need to talk about money and what’s important to you. A lot of issues like this are going to come up in the future, and you might not want to always pick the cheaper option (house, car, vacation, etc).
Just something to think about, good luck!!!
Post # 23
First of all, I’m sorry you two are fighting. Different cultures often clash on the oddest of things!
Well, here’s my advice. First of all, I think your ring is beautiful. Definitely something that I would have considered getting, because I love delicate rings. Second, my ring only cost M $455! And I would never have asked him to spend more on it. We are both college students, and while we could easily have paid for a bigger/fancier ring, I would have felt literally sick blowing all that money on one piece of jewelry. The money we saved by getting a smaller ring is going towards things that are more important to us (and, quite frankly, I believe should be more important to anybody!) like a future home, our educations, and maybe even a fantastic honeymoon. So I would not worry about how much your ring cost or how big it is, because the money you save on the ring can be spent on a dozen other things in the future!
Now, I think the thing that is really bothering you is not how big or fancy or expensive your ring is, but the manner in which it was bought. It doesn’t sound like your Fiance put a ton of thought or emotion into his choice. He just did what you told him was “normal” and bought the cheapest thing that fit into that category. I also think that neither of you is really being very understanding of the other’s culture. He can’t wrap his head around the idea of getting a big, expensive ring as an engagement gift, when he feels like the wedding ring is more important. And I don’t think you are doing the best job at stepping into an outsider’s shoes and realizing that it IS kind of odd how much money Americans spend on engagement rings! So I think maybe you two should sit down and discuss this again. Explain to him again why the engagement ring is so important to you, and have him explain exactly what his feelings are about it. Then find a compromise that makes both of you happy by getting you something beautiful and high-quality, but not spending more than your Fiance is comfortable with!
I really suggest you look at colored gemstones, btw. They are quite a bit cheaper and you can get something that is blingy while spending less than half of what you would buying a diamond. It’s what we did–and everyone is always telling us how beautiful our sapphire is!
Post # 24
i totally understand your frustration, but you have to remember that the size/price isn’t important — your marriage is! i second trail mix’s post.
Post # 25
I know this is an old thread but your ring is really pretty.
Post # 26
Ooh, man lots of replies to this thread that I wasn’t emailed about. Update on the ring situation!
we did both realise that each other had totally different ideas about engagements. It’s not something you get over in a day and I posted this when I was frustrated about it. Yes, I realise that he didn’t understand American style engagement rings and that it was materialistic of me to even want that (wanting what my mother had, cheesy and stupid, but call me traditional!), but also he didn’t propose with a typical European “expensive one-for-all” type wedding band to use on the right hand as the engagement ring either… (because to him, you are supposed to propose with the wedding band as you just get one). And after asking more women around work and things, I’m finding that separate engagement rings and wedding bands are more and more popular over here… Swiss women are saying they want two rings here as well! My guy had just never thought he would be expected to do that. We ended up both agreeing a more modest engagement ring was better and to splurge on the wedding band and get something we both really like. And we figure that this is not the last time by far that we will probably have completely different outtakes or reactions about things due to our different cultures. We know we will need to be patient with each other when we don’t see eye to eye, but I don’t think it’s a dealbreaker. 🙂
Soo… hum in the mean time of the 5 months I didn’t check this thread, we ended up going wedding band shopping. The Fiance even entertained me to go wedding band shopping in more stores and cities than the e-ring because he wanted me to get something I was really happy with. I honestly don’t like most of the typical bulky simplified germanic rings here… and they pull out the SAME brand’s tray of wedding rings at every shop and ask you what you want… and I just had to tell them in german “No, no no, I don’t want those… show me more diamonds!” lol. Sounds terrible but I wanted to see their more intricate diamond and eternity style bands.
We only found one shop that had a really nice lady who was very helpful in pulling out lots of beautiful pieces. I found something that just worked… so here are the pictures! It’s big and sparkly like I wanted, but my favourite part is that the wedding band still sits below the engagement ring. So now after 7 months of enjoying my low-key e-ring, I don’t have to worry about my wedding band being too tall or bulky! And I’m sooo excited to wear my combo together this October! Now that the rings are at home I just want to try them on together all the time. 🙂
I’m really happy with both the choices, and glad that the choices are made! Haha, in the mean time I also picked a photographer…so those are all my personal big choices, photog, rings and dress. Feel like I don’t have to care about the rest of the planning now. Ha.
Post # 27
I love your rings! They compliment each other really well and I’m glad everything workd out!
Post # 29
glag everything worked out. they are all beautiful together!
Post # 30
Gorgeous! Great pick. I really like the look of those two together. 🙂
Post # 31
Gorgeous rings!! Glad everything worked out!!!