(Closed) Fighting in your relationship….

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll:
    Agree with post : (7 votes)
    10 %
    Disagree with post : (46 votes)
    69 %
    Other, please explain below : (14 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    750 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I was fine with it until it said “Once the fighting stopped….so has your love for eachother…” I understand where they are coming from…I have been in relationships where my SO was too scared to disagree with me on anything, and then they would go behind my back and complain. In a real relationship you have to be able to discuss important things and compromise even when you disagree. I don’t think you need to fight though, no. Fighting does not equal love.

    Post # 4
    1849 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think it’s a common thought for people who’re not seamlessly compatible but successful at conflict resolution. However, I’m lucky enough that my differences with Fiance almost never lead to conflict, so when we do fight like twice a year, it’s extremely unusual. There’s no tension of unresolved issues bubbling just under the surface, so it works great. If there was such tension, then more frequent fighting would probably be better, but only the controlled and constructive variety. There are many types of destructive fighting, and fewer good types, I think. 

    Post # 5
    1938 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I feel like there is a fine line between fighting because you care and fighting/emotional abuse.

    My mother taught me that every relationship has its ups and downs, and you fight in relationships.

    I know a lot of couples who are so detached from each other that they never fought, they just went through motions…. and its sad.

    I fight with my Fiance every once in a while, but never maliciously or just for the sake of fighting. We fight because we are both so passionate about something. 

    We have had little fights and some pretty big fights, but All of them felt better than feeling nothing. 

    Post # 6
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2019

    I don’t know how I feel about that quote. It just seems kind of overbearing to me, like every time you feel something is ‘wrong’ you should fight about it. Like, I think there is a difference between being upset over that shirt he’s wearing and finding out that he’s going to move cross-country and didn’t tell you.

    My SO and I hate yelling or being yelled at, so we always talk things out in some way or another. I mean, it probably just depends on the couple, but I really just don’t see how yelling or physical violence is going to be the means to an end. 

    But, I don’t believe you should just never bring it up when something upsets you. That has been one of my biggest faults, and I’m really trying to work on it.

    Post # 7
    4419 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    Darling Husband and I have been together for over three years, married for 1.5 years… We have had two fights in that entire time. Two! That’s it, and it’s been 10 months since the last one. 

    I guess that’s a long way of saying I disagree with that post based on personal experience. We don’t fight. It’s an oddity when we do, and we both hate it. It’s not the way we communicate with each other. 

    Just because you stop fighting doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving.  It could be that you’ve just figured out fighting isn’t way you want to live your relationship. 

    Post # 8
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2004

    Fiance and I fight not very often (and when we do we are over in half an hour) I dont agree with post but i can understand the logic behind it if that makes sence?

    Post # 9
    221 posts
    Helper bee

    I disagree with once the fighting has stopped so has the love for each other. If fighting all the time means love then that relationship isn’t for you. Love is about getting along and enjoying each others company. Sure there will be disagreements and arguements but if it becomes an all the time thing that’s not good.

    Post # 10
    310 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I put other.  I think every once in a while a fight is inevitable.  However, this shouldn’t be something that occurs all the time.

    Post # 11
    2584 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I mean, I guess it really depends how you define fighting. If you’re talking small bickering or disagreements, I think that’s healthy- I would be concerned if Darling Husband and I never ever disagreed about everything… but we can agree to disagree or come to a compromise pretty easily without raised voices. Actually fighting? I mean, it happens to everyone, but I definitely wouldn’t say that the love is gone just because you can resolve conflict without large fights!

    I also wonder about the “fighting just shows you care enough, to point out what the other person did wrong.” I mean, do they mean they point out every little thing that the person does wrong or annoys them with? I don’t think it’s healthy to constantly be pointing out the other person’s flaws either.

    Post # 12
    915 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I like the quote,but I think it maybe caters to a certain personality. I have been in relationships where I fought and in the end when I lost feelings I didn’t fight about anything, i was like fuck it, whatever. My Fiance and I argue often if I am being honest , we are both very stubborn people and it’s just the way we communicate, we argue and then move on, it is healthy for US. For me, if I lost passion for my Fiance I probably wouldn’t argue as much. Anyways, I can totally relate with the quote, it fits my Personality though.

    Post # 13
    8725 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I think individual couples fight in different ways as well. Some people yell and scream others are far more passive agressive and others act out (get drunk, cheat or do actions that purposefully that they know their partner will hate). Whilst some people just have quiet heated discussions. I think each relationship is different and it is only the people inside the relationship that can judge is it is bad/good.

    Constant fighting that just leaves you miserable and not resolving the problem is a bad relationship and bad for your health. Emotional/physical abuse again is a sign of a bad relationship.

    There is a big difference also between checking out of the relationship (and hence not bothering to fight) and picking your battles (hence chosing not to die on that particular bridge). The former means you are in a bad place and the latter just means that it wasn’t that important to you to cause tension.

    My H and I have a great saying for if we fight and can’t agree and someones feelings still sting- I love you but right now I don’t like you very much. It just signals to the other person that they need a little bit of time to get over it and process it.


    Post # 14
    7606 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I voted “disagree”.  The post seems very immature – words spoken, perhaps, by someone who’s yet to experience a healthy relationship.

    Post # 15
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Fiance and I don’t fight.

    We may get irritated with each other, but in two almost three years we have never had an actual “fight”.

    We just don’t do those sort of things. I don’t think either of us has ever raised our voices to the other.

    Post # 16
    1084 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    It would depend on your definition of fighting. Hubby and I bicker daily but rarely have big blowups.

    The topic ‘Fighting in your relationship….’ is closed to new replies.

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