Post # 1
So I recently got engaged to my boyfriend of 3.5 years. We’ve been happy and very relaxed while we were dating but now we’re engaged we seem to not be getting along.
I’ve suffered with social anxiety since I was 10, I have it well under control and in the 3.5 years we’ve been together he has seen me have an anxiety attack once. This was 2 weeks ago when I had a huge attack just before going to a party. I have been extremely open with him about my past, he knows everything about me.
So this morning we were going out for breakfast and I asked if we could pop into the newsagents on the way to the cafe and he snapped at me. He said he was hungry and we’re getting breakfast first. I was pretty shocked that he snapped at me but I just said okay no problem we’ll go on the way home. He then muttered under his voice “Oh great bet you’re gonna have an ‘anxiety attack’ now you can’t have your own way”.
Now I’m actually very quiet and extremely shy. The idea of throwing a fit is mind boggling to me; I wouldn’t know how to throw a fit if my life depended on it. I have no idea where this anger of his has come from. We’ve sort of made up but honestly I can’t help but feel so hurt that he would think that I would fake or milk my anxiety. In all the time we’ve been together he has seen me have an attack once, and he has thrown it in my face at the first opportunity.
I could understand it, I wouldn’t be happy about it, but I could understand if he’d used that in the heat of a blazing row but this time was nothing. We weren’t fighting; all I did was ask to go to the newsagents.
I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. I’ve been walking on eggshells around him since the engagement. I’ve tried talking to him but every time I do he screams at me and storms away sulking. I’m at my wits end 🙁
Post # 2
Wow sounds like there are some major communication issues on his end. Maybe he needs a little education about your anxiety and what exactlt it entails…maybe it scares him or he just doesn’t understand it. Either way, you need to find out what’s REALLY going on with him and talk it out because otherwise it may get even worse. Make him talk to you. If you did do something “wrong” there is no way you will be able to fix it if he doesn’t tell you what it is. Hope this helped. I’m sorry you’re going through this 🙁
Post # 3
Wow. You’re not doing anything wrong. It sounds like he doesn’t understand how crippling anxiety can be, and that he believes you faked an anxiety attack to get out of the party.
That he’s not open to talking about it is troubling. From what you posted, he sounds unstable emotionally and like he’s a horrible partner. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells for anything, ever, as marriage is all about communicating honestly with your spouse. If he can’t communicate like an emotionally stable adult, then I would start to do some re-thinking about the relationship.
Just out of curiosity, do you go to therapy? Therapy is very helpful for anxiety related disorders.
Post # 4
I used to attend therapy; it was okay but not great. The NHS is fab but unfortunately its mental health facilities aren’t always excellent. Once I started college and my first job I learned how to cope with my anxiety really well. You’d never know anything was wrong with me.
Unfortunately the party happened to fall at a bad time. I’d not had much sleep the night before and was halfway through TOTM which always leaves me a bit more sensitive. The attack I did have was a bit of a perfect storm kind of situation.
Post # 5
aww, I’m sorry his attitude is wrong. But I can empathize my partner and mother have anxiety issues and sometimes it can be extremely frustrating to deal with. From his point of view anxiety is difficult to measure. 1. You cant see it / its not physical. 2. Its unpredictable. 3. It leaves you helpless (which might be twice as bad). I know the person suffering from anxiety doesn’t know these things either but for someone who doesn’t suffer it can be confusing. I think you need to be really transparent with it all. Medication / therapy / triggers / things that help. I feel he is struggling with understanding therefore helping. And trust me powerless is not a nice position. Talk to him. I wish you the best of luck. And as a uk bee I know sometimes you have to fight with the nhs….. Keep fighting for what you need x