(Closed) Fighting over chores…

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I fight this battle every week!  Still haven’t been able to get Fiance on a regular weekend routine.  But in reading the link you posted, I now have some new things to try… so thank you!

We tried using this cute website for a while… but once he realized it was for kids, he stopped using it. LOL Here it is anyway, if you want to check it out… CHOREWARS!

Basically, I entered in all chores and their ideal frequency.  Then added “rewards” like 10 minute backrubs, exemption from the chore the following week, and “trump cards” good for overruling dinner plans (like pizza instead of Thai, for i.e.).  Stuff like that. 🙂

Post # 4
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’ve had trouble with this, too.  I really love the suggestion to stop asking as if the chores are your domain and he helps out with them.  I totally just left everything from dinner sitting in the kitchen last night (like he does with his lunch dishes!) so we’ll see how that turns out.

This issue was getting REALLY bad for me.  Like, thinking about whether I wanted to form a partnership with someone who expected me to handle the household bad.  I hate to say it, because I’m not a very emotional person, but I totally broke down.  Like curled up in the corner instead of cooking dinner broke down.  (hunger may have been part of the problem here…)  I finally let him know that I had honestly started thinking about whether I still wanted to marry him, if he was going to make me feel like a housekeeper instead of a partner.

It’s hard because so many chores are repetitive and never ending. I think I’ve started to get that across to him and also to myself, realizing when he does help.  Because even though I feel like he does very little, he still feels like he’s doing a lot.  I also think the corrollary to not treating the chores as yours to dole out is to accept that he won’t always do things to your standards.  The problem is figuring out when I’m being nitpicky and when he’s putting dirty, gross plates back into the cabinet.

Post # 5
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

For the past month, my Fiance and I have been having the ongoing chore war.  It has gotten brutal and awful and we have both said mean, terrible things- OVER CHORES!! 

So thank you for posting this link, i emailed a copy to Fiance so we can try to work this out because it’s making me CRAZY!

Post # 6
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think any adult who doesn’t want to clean/take care of the house needs a serious kick in the pants. You learn since the time you’re 2 years old that if you make a mess you need to pick it up.

We’re both pretty neat so we don’t have much of an issue but my thoughts are always:

If you eat off of it, wash it.
If you wear it, put it in the laundry.
If it’s full, empty it (trash, laundry basket).

We also spend about a hour and half every Sunday cleaning the house. We do it together (he swiffers & vacuums, I dust & clean the glass). I think doing it at the same time helps because neither one of us feels like we’re doing more than the other person and it all gets done (rather than one person putting off their chores).

Post # 7
1020 posts
Bumble bee

Darling Husband is responsible for washing the dishes, vacuuming, and taking out the trash.

he wants to vaccum more frequently than i do, so it naturally becomes his chore.

he automatically takes out the trash once the bag is full (we live in an apartment).

when it comes to dishes, no men like to do it. but i didn’t want to do it because i am the one who cook. so i told him that, to be fair, since i cook, he needs to do the dishes. at first he resisted it, but my approach was to NOT do it for him, but to nag him until he got annoyed, LOL! and i also told him that i’d keep on nagging him even though i knew he hated me nagging, but he was the one who made/forced me to nag him because he didn’t do the dishes. and now, he knows washing dishes is his chore.

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