Fighting over dog. Now I feel guilty.

posted 11 months ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Am I being the crazy dog lady?
    Yes this is too much : (70 votes)
    83 %
    No what you are doing makes sense and I am the same way with my dog : (14 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 2
    46609 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    ashleyroo :  I don’t think you are being crazy, but I do think you need to prioritize your relationship with your husband over the dog.

    Your dog is not going to suffer left on his own for a while. If he gets stressed when he is indoors and you are outside, you need to train him to remain calm. You could have chosen to ride your bike out of his sight.

    On the other side of the equation, your husband can’t criticize your attachment to the dog, then object to the plans you made for your brother to stay with the dog when you are on vacation.

    Everyone needs ot get out and socialize as a couple sometimes. It’s not healthy to stay home and order in all the time. You risk losing your friends as well as your husband.

    Post # 3
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I voted that I agree with you, because I agree with all things except the not going to dinner or doing anything without the dog. I do hate when people get dogs and then leave them crated all day or alone all of the time, but the dog will be fine for an hour or two for you to go to dinner or a movie or something. If I am going to a wedding or graduation party or something, I’ll typically sneak out a few hours in to go let my dog out and then return back to the party. 

    However, I feel the need to point out that I don’t think this is all about the dog. I think you’re still suffering from depression and part of that is not wanting to go out and do things and be social. I am the same way and a total home body, but I think it’s important for you to realize and explain to your husband that this issue goes deeper than needing to be home for the dog. 

    Post # 4
    2860 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    ashleyroo :  Yes Bee, this is too much.

    Your Darling Husband might have a very valid complaint that’s been coming out all wrong. Your mental health is tied to the dog now. That’s a slippery slope Bee. 

    Post # 5
    1053 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    It is too much, yeah… I second what MrsHarryDresden said.

    I understand you are concerned with the dog’s wellbeing. You should consider getting a second dog, so one can keep the other company when you and your husband are away. It’s the bingest life quality improvement  you can provide your dog with.

    Post # 6
    3861 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    Yeah, I think this is too much. I understand where you’re coming from, I do. I feel a bit bad leaving my dog at home, but I know he’ll be completely fine for a couple of hours. When you get a pet you do have to have consideration for it, but not ever doing anything the dog can’t come to is a bit extreme and I can also understand why your husband is frustrated. You need to be able to go out to dinner now and then or do things with your friends. 

    I do have sympathy with you on the brother thing as well – going on holidays becomes exponentially more difficult when you have a dog! Luckily my in-laws are happy to look after our dog when we go away, but there have been a few occasions when they were also away and it was a nightmare figuring out what to do. For ~reasons due to trauma in his background~ my dog can’t be boarded and can’t be around dogs he’s not used to. I know how hard it can be! Paying for your brothers flight is a very expensive solution though – pet sitters are a great solution, or sending her to a friends house? You can ask at the vet if any of the nurses do pet sitting. Are you making efforts to socialise your dog with other dogs? That’s really important as if she can’t get along with other dogs it closes off a lot of options. I would know haha. 

    Oh also, I’m so sorry your first puppy died, but this dog is not that dog. I think you need to un-link them in your mind. 

    Post # 7
    464 posts
    Helper bee

    I am the craziest of the crazy dog ladies, and yes this is too much. It sounds like you have a lot of unresolved issues related to your first dog that need to be fixed before proceeding. 

    Post # 9
    2567 posts
    Sugar bee

    Definitely too much. Your dog will survive a few hours alone while you spend time with your husband, or friends. Dogs don’t have a sense of time, so what seems like a long time for you is a quick nap for your dog. 

    One of my shepherds is very, very attached to me, even though I worked on separation anxiety with her just like all the rest. When I take her with me frequently and she “forgets” what it’s like to be home without me, her anxiety levels shoot through the roof to the point where she’ll make herself sick when I do leave her. If I practice leaving her home more, and she’s consistently reminded I’ll come home, she’s much much better. My dogs like to ride in the car, so I’ll frequently let them come with to the post office and what not – but I have to remind myself she needs to know she can be home and I’ll come back.

    Post # 10
    2567 posts
    Sugar bee

    ashleyroo :  Find a person who does in home boarding of smaller dogs. There are two near me, and each takes no more than 10 little dogs at a time (usually over the holidays like Christmas.) Mostly they have 3-4 little dogs. 

    My friend’s mom runs one of them, seems like it would be a good fit for you. I’ve never personally tried it, my smallest dog is 82 pounds 😉

    Post # 11
    455 posts
    Helper bee

    ashleyroo :  At the dog day care/boarding facility I take my dogs to, which is cage-free, they keep the big dogs in a totally different space than the small dogs. They don’t even see each other.  Maybe look into whether any of the dog day care or boarding places near you have a similar set up?

    Also you mentioned your husband is against a dog sitter. Maybe you could work on this with him? We have a dog sitting company we trust. It can be hard to let a stranger come into your home, but perhaps if you can find a dog walker who comes highly reviewed by a friend that would help. 

    Post # 12
    8682 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    ashleyroo :  I lost a cat this year in pretty tragic circumstances (poisioned through cat food) and had a brief period of being a helicopter cat mum. I was worried about everything and had the vet out to visit a few times. So I can understand what you are feeling but yes you need to step back and recognise it isn’t healthy behaviour.

    I do think you are right on the brother as a pet sitter thing though. If you have someone you know and trust to do it then why would you hire a stranger?

    Post # 13
    105 posts
    Blushing bee

    There seems to be some separation anxiety between you and puppy. What is happening is very unhealthy for all parties, especially your relationship with your husband.

    I love my dogs, but I have to live my life as well. Give them extra hugs and kisses when you’re home or take them for walks on weekends. Having your brother to dog sit is a great idea. My chi would be too stressed to be in foreign environment or with strangers or other dogs.

    You may need to give your puppy some training regarding his separation anxiety. There are scents and vests to keep them calm. To stop them chewing on furniture, there are sprays to discourage them. If you don’t like those options, maybe ask your vet for suggestions. Getting another dog to keep him company might not be the best solution right now. You may become too attached as well.

    Post # 14
    351 posts
    Helper bee

    My dog sounds a lot like yours, and I feel the same way you do. I have to turn down invitations to socialize after work quite often because I need to get home to my dog. I try to invite friends to do things with us other times, like weekends where I haven’t been away from my dog for eight hours already and I won’t feel so bad leaving her for a few hours.

    When we travel we bring her to a home based doggy daycare where they do not do crates, and the owner is very conscious about which dogs can play together and which ones need their space. Do you have any of those where you are located? If not, then I really think your best option would be to have a dog sitter in your own home. Is there any way you could get your husband to change his mind about that? Around here they are pricey, so it might actually still make more sense to have your brother do it. It’s pretty crazy that your husband would be ok with having your dog stay in a crate while you’re gone, knowing the stress and anxiety that would cause her. 

    Post # 15
    596 posts
    Busy bee

    Ok, even if you were to rewrite this as if it were your child, I would say it is too much. If you were to tell someone that your child cannot go to daycare, because they don’t get along with the other kids, or that you are opposed in principle to a nanny coming to your house to babysit, that would be absurd. I would say start working on getting (both) your dog (and yourself) to being more comfortable to be cared for by other people. Your dog can be happy without you around if you allow that and get him used to it.

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