Fighting over dog. Now I feel guilty.

posted 1 week ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Am I being the crazy dog lady?
    Yes this is too much : (70 votes)
    83 %
    No what you are doing makes sense and I am the same way with my dog : (14 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    8019 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Sorry Bee but this is too much. Do you have a therapist you can talk to about it?

    Honestly the only thing I would be “on your side” about here would be your brother coming to watch the dog, instead of boarding her. Boarding or paying a pet sitter is really expensive so I’d rather buy the plane ticket and have a chance to see my family member too.

    Post # 17
    Member
    6563 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

    Honey, it’s a dog.

    Now, I love dogs. Have had dogs my whole life and always made sure they were well taken care of and wanted for nothing. But at the end of the day, it’s a dog and your husband is your husband. A dog is going to be okay left alone for a few hours while you go out to dinner or go to a movie.

    Imagine if your mental health was this wrapped up in another person, can you not see how unhealthy that is?

    Post # 18
    Member
    5775 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    A few years ago we lost our dog after emergency surgery to repair his intestines, he got into the garbage while my in-laws were dog sitting so it was traumatic all the way around (so I empathize with being uncomfortable leaving your dog alone).

    This is not healthy. You should be able to leave your dog alone on the weekends for a few hours.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1924 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think this is a double edged sword. You were so worried to leave the dog alone you created the separation anxiety that now if you do leave the dog alone she destroys the house. You need to prioritize training of the animal and yes, the dog is ok when you go out to dinner. Your husband is telling you what he needs – listen.

    Post # 20
    Member
    5335 posts
    Bee Keeper

    That is too much pressure to put on a dog.  You can’t live your life for fear of the dog being upset?  Honey, the dog will be okay for an hour.  this constant over attention and hovering you’ve done with her has trained her into needing to be with you all the time.  You both will be okay if she’s left alone for a bit to go do an errand.

    Post # 21
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    I get it. I am a crazy dog mom…. but this is way too much. Your dog will be fine if you go for a bike ride or go out to dinner with your husband. You need to prioritize your relationship with your husband, and soon, because I would be pretty ticked off with you if I were him.

    Post # 22
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee

    Try to split things 50/50. Half the time you order takeout and half the time you go out. Marriage is all about compromising and this will help a lot. If you’re worried about a lonely dog, maybe go to the shelter and find a friend for your pup. If you don’t want a long commitment you can always look at fostering.

    Post # 23
    Member
    4814 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    ashleyroo :  You are understandably still affected by the loss of your first dog.  None the less, there is room to balance out caring deeply for this dog, and making special time for you and your DH.

    I think your plan for your brother to watch the dog is wonderful, and very thoughtful of you.  I do think it would mean a lot to your DH to plan evenings out together.  Start small, and make a gradual adjustment for you and the dog.

    Please understand I am not criticizing – just pointing out you could move the balance a bit more towards your DH to make him feel special too.  I am also a devoted dog owner, and don’t leave my dog in a kennel (ever) and we rarely eat out.  Our dog is quite old and needs a lot of attention.  I am lucky my DH is totally on the same page.  

    Post # 24
    Member
    4 posts
    Wannabee

    Leaving a dog alone all day is cruel. If you are both employed full-time, you may want to reconsider having a dog. You clearly do not have time for it. Poor thing.

    Post # 25
    Member
    358 posts
    Helper bee

    I agree with you on most everything, except the going out to eat part. I am the same way as you in a lot of ways about my dog, so I do understand where you are coming from. However, it does sound like your fiance is not fully on board with the lifestyle that comes with having a dog. Dogs are VERY social creatures and it’s cruel to leave them the majority of the day unattended, but a couple hours while you go out to dinner really is no big deal. Is there some sort of compromise? For example, my finace and I have two resturants we really enjoy and they have outside seating (and dogs are allowed outside on the deck only), so we’ll take our dog with us out to those resturants quite frequently. However, we also like to switch it up sometimes and I feel no guilt for leaving my dog at home so we can go some place else. The majority of our activities are centered around our dog, but we don’t not live our life because we have a dog. When we decided to get a dog, and started researching breeds, we decided on a relatively active herding dog breed – so this means we do a lot of hiking and camping (something we both enjoy but we do it much more often because of the dog). I find that a lot of people will get a “working” dog breed and then don’t give him/her the proper exercise and the dog suffers. Most dogs need more than a quick walk around the block once a day. My fiance and i have this mentality about our dog: he can’t come with us everywhere but if he can come we will make the extra effort to bring him. I think this is realistic and also kind to the dog. Obviously, he can’t come with us to the movies but if we need something at Lowes he can come, so we bring him. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    6441 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It sounds to me like you’re being a responsible pet owner. 

    Others bees saying ‘the dog will be fine on her own’ don’t seen to appreciate that’s she’s on her own a lot already as you both work. 

    Dogs are pack animals and need their needs met and one of those needs is company. 

    Youre quite right in not liking her being left more than she already is. 

    If your husband would like you to do more things away from the dog then he needs to be ok with you spending more money on dog walkers and pet sitters. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee

    Hey! Dogs are the best!

    Keep training her, unless she’s old don’t think that this is how your dog is going to react for the rest of her life. 

    If she’s kind of a puppy- say under a year, expect things to change month by month.

    For about 4 months after getty my puppy most of the time it went where we went after work. He would bark his face off in his crate and I have close nieghbors. I was starting to worry a bit and so were my friends! But then it was fine. 

    My dog was the worst walker! What dog doesn’t like walks?! But I stuck with it and he is so much better- still under 2 years old.

    Invest in some professional help to change her behaviors if you have he cash.

    Check out more dog day cares if its at all an option- it you’re in a larger city there will be ones that just take smaller dogs. There will be ones that take overnights- for a nice price… But you will feel less guilty if you know she had fun all day. 

    Staying at home because of the dog is a legit thing when you own a dog. But do her the favor of training her to be relaxed when you’re not around. 

    Even if it takes 3 years all the next years will be great!

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