(Closed) Fighting over invitation wording

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
  • Post # 3
    2316 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Traditionally, I think whichever set of parents pays for it gets their name on the invites. That being said, it’s important to us to have both sets of parents on our invites, as well as paying for his parents friends. They don’t have a huge guest list and it’s just easier than having it potentially cause a huge rift… not worth strife the rest of your life! That being said, that’s just our situation. My parents make more than his parents and they just paid for a huge renovation on their house because they didn’t know this was coming up.

    Post # 4
    423 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

    What do your fiance’s parents think? Have they said anything? If they haven’t said anything about the invitations, I’d avoid asking them since it will just start another war.

    Does your fiance know why invitations are worded the way they are? The invitations are not meant to honor or acknowledge anyone. Only the hosts of the party should have their names on the invite — and since his parents aren’t hosting, it doesn’t make sense.  Remind him of this and see what he says.

    An alternative to that is to have “Mr & Mrs. So & So, request the honor of your presence, at the marriage of their daughter SweetPea621 to SweetPeaFiance, son of Mr. & Mrs. So & So, date/time/etc.” This way it doesn’t look like his parents are hosting, but they’re still on the invite.

    You could always have the alternative “Together with their families,” which avoids anyone’s names. Our invitations say “The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of [Mitla] and [Mitla Man], date/time/etc.” We just completely avoided it. We can get away with this, since we’re hosting the wedding ourselves, but it might be a good alternative in your case.

    As far as whether your MILs friends are invited, just say, “No.” Repeat as necessary. She lost the right to control the guest list when she told you she wouldn’t pay for the wedding (which by the way, is totally within her rights to do).

    Post # 5
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think it’s usually who pays for the wedding gets on the invitation, but is it really worth the potential drama to not have them on the invite? They are paying for the rehersal dinner, which is something.  I understand your frustration with the situation, but for me, I would just bite the bullet and put them on there. Save them the embarrassment of not being on the invite and be the bigger person.

    Post # 7
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee

    So they were printed without your ILs names? Hm. It seems like a huge waste to have them reprinted. I think this is probably something that you and your Fiance should have talked about before the invitations were printed.

    Post # 8
    26 posts
    • Wedding: March 2010

    You might want to ask him why he wants his parents on there at all. Does he feel like they aren’t being recognized/being left out of the loop on a lot of things? If so, just explain to him that that’s what they chose to do i.e. they didn’t want to host, so they don’t make it on the invite. Did his parents mention somehting to him about being on the invite?

    Does he and/or his parents know the invites are printed already? If they really make a stink about being on the invites, they should pay to have them re-printed.

    If his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, they can have invites for that printed to the effect of “Mr. and Mrs. So-andSo invite you to the rehearsal dinner for their son XXX and his fiance XXX.”

    Post # 9
    627 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2020

    I really like the rehearsal dinner invite info. My Fiance parents have given nothing $$$ and very little support so they are not on the invite. He didn’t even realize it, he’s a boy! My vote is for your parents name only – they paid.

    Post # 10
    1364 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Sounds like you need to talk to your FH about why he wants his parents names on there. Maybe they do want to be involved but don’t want to, metaphorically, step on your parents toes as it traditionally IS the bride’s parents who pay. 

    If your invites are already printed maybe offer a compensation? A rehearsal dinner invite with the IL’s names on them is a good idea. Or making programs for the ceremony (if you weren’t planning that already) with lists of who’s who.

    Post # 11
    64 posts
    Worker bee

    I agree with littlemissmoo! I would make invitations for the rehearsal dinner with the ILs’ names on it. Or if you don’t want to make MORE invites, maybe a sign at your rehearsal venue (think like a big invitation…)

    Definitely don’t reprint the invites!!

    Post # 12
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2008

    We did “together with our families” on our invitations to include everyone.  If they are already printed I would say don’t reprint, but maybe have rehearsal dinner invites from his parents.  Also, of course his parents get to invite some of their friends – especially ones that have been a part of your FI’s life for a long time.

    Post # 13
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee

    Sounds like you didn’t discuss the wording before you ordered them? If you did and he didn’t pay much attention at the time,it’s really too late to do much about it short of redoing them. Does he understand why his parents aren’t on there but something was said to him recently to make him question it?

    I really don’t get why the fact that the groom’s parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner means anything at all. It’s a seperate event and far less costly than the wedding. I’d rather they have something simple and contribute that amount to the wedding itself,or pay for something like the flowers or bar or photographer. If that was the case,then I’d consider them as ‘co-hosts’ and include them on the invitations.

    We got no help at all from my SIL’s 2 sets of parents and had no problem not including them on the invitations.

    Post # 14
    1015 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    You are right that his parents names should not be on the invitation as they are not paying, but you are wrong when you say that they should not be able to invite any guests.

    It’s tradition that the groom’s family only pays for the rehersal dinner.  Just because they aren’t paying for the wedding, doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be able to invite anyone to the wedding.  I’m not sure where you are getting this idea from. 

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