(Closed) Fighting over MOH?!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

No offence but she is being a worse friend by making you feel this way isn’t she, just say you didnt want her to feel under pressure with all the duties etc and that she is still very important to you on your day


Post # 4
165 posts
Blushing bee

I have actually experienced something extremely similar to this. Except it was a problem with a groomsman and the best man. The groom asked his brother to be his best man and his bestfriend felt that this was a total betrayal. At the end the groom just ended up making them both the “best man”. 

Some people just get really touchy on those subjects, but I don’t think there is anything else you can or should do!

Post # 5
9667 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Sorry to hear that, that puts you in a difficult situation. I don’t think of it as a ranking, but usually Maid/Matron of Honor would be who you’re closest to, which makes sense it’s your best friend! And her being included as a bridesmaid should be enough to make her happy, I would think.I hope the situation gets better for you

Post # 6
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Last year a colleague of mine’s sister got married. The bride asked her sister to be her Maid/Matron of Honor….the bride’s best friend proceeded to FREAK OUT and demand that she be upgraded from bridesmaid to Maid/Matron of Honor and the sister be downgraded. The best compromise the bride could do to keep peace was make them co-MOHs….but apparently everyone at the wedding (and now total strangers) knew and thought that girl was NUTS.

Post # 7
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wow…you would think it would just be an honor being included in the wedding party.

Post # 8
4824 posts
Honey bee

I am not going to agree with the PPs. By choosing an Honor and the Others, you are inherantly ranking your friends. Its just the way it is. 

It sucks your friend feels the need to say something, but I am not surprised she feels second rate. The problem is that she felt she should have been the Maid/Matron of Honor. I have been in weddings as both, and I had an expectation of the role I would be asked to be in. Its based on history with the person, closeness of the friend etc. 

If she was dissapointed she should have he manners to stay quiet, but I am not surprised she feels graded, because she was. Its just that most people don’t say anything in these cases.

Post # 9
1189 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I just can’t help but think how juvenile the whole thing is. What would she have you do, rip the title from the other person and give it to her? Everyone has people they are closer to, and each relationship is different. It’s an honor to be asked to be in your bridal party, regardless of the title. She has accepted your offer to be in your wedding and should therefore accept it with grace, be there for you, and keep her mouth shut. You have been patient with her and explained to her that you love her and it wasn’t a ranking thing in your mind, so now she needs to let it go, or you will have a difficult decision to make regarding whether you want to deal with her drama. Very best wishes to you and I hope you get the support you need/ deserve from ALL of your ‘maids.

Post # 10
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Is this person very sensitive in general, or is this an out of the norm reaction for them?

A friend of mine dealt with this when she got married. She had known two women–S and L since middle school and was particularly close to S. When S was confirmed as Maid/Matron of Honor,  L refused to be in the wedding because she wasn’t Maid/Matron of Honor. My friend stuck with her decision and it was for the best.

IMO, a person who would act in such a way that brings added stress to the bride’s life doesn’t actually understand the role of Maid/Matron of Honor. I believe that by drawing attention to this perceived slight and creating the potential for awkwardness, this woman has shown that she isn’t the right fit for Maid/Matron of Honor.


Post # 11
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m sorry, but your friend is being ridiculous!  It is customary to choose your longest friend as Maid/Matron of Honor, not always, but typical.  I chose my sister and some people got jealous!  Is she wanting to back out of the wedding now?

Post # 12
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She’s being immature and extremely manipulative. Try not to take too much notice.

Post # 13
2755 posts
Sugar bee

I always thought the Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man was chosen as someone who is either a really close family member or someone you love and trust to help with the most integral parts of planning? I have two friends who could’ve been Maid/Matron of Honor candidates, but I chose the one who lives closest to me to take any undue pressure off the one who lives several states away. So far, nobody’s made a mess about it. I’m sorry that she is feeling this way, can you try to explain to her that you chose your wedding party because everyone in it means a lot to you and you want everyone to be there for your big day?

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