Post # 1
I’ve been so lucky planning my wedding up until NOW… all of a sudden one of my bridesmaids sent me a disturbing email about how she wishes she was the Maid/Matron of Honor. Apparently by me not choosing her as my Maid/Matron of Honor ( I chose my best friend of 14 years), it means she is a worse friend than my Maid/Matron of Honor. I didn’t know it was a ranking and evaluating of our friendships! I thought it was an honor to be bridesmaid… not a mentality of “If I’m not the Maid/Matron of Honor then I’m nothing to the bride”.. Really?! And did she have to tell ME this?!
Up until now, everything had been peachy. I don’t know how to address it, or what to say without arguing with her. I want to be respectful of her obviously hurt feelings, but at the same time.. I really don’t want any drama with her at my wedding. What to do?!
I wrote her an email explaining how sorry I was that she was feeling that way, and that my intention was never to hurt her by choosing someone else as my MOH- That it’s a big deal to me to have her there on my special day. I think she still thinks she’s a worse friend than my Maid/Matron of Honor because she wasn’t chosen.
Post # 3
No offence but she is being a worse friend by making you feel this way isn’t she, just say you didnt want her to feel under pressure with all the duties etc and that she is still very important to you on your day
Post # 4
I have actually experienced something extremely similar to this. Except it was a problem with a groomsman and the best man. The groom asked his brother to be his best man and his bestfriend felt that this was a total betrayal. At the end the groom just ended up making them both the “best man”.
Some people just get really touchy on those subjects, but I don’t think there is anything else you can or should do!
Post # 5
Sorry to hear that, that puts you in a difficult situation. I don’t think of it as a ranking, but usually Maid/Matron of Honor would be who you’re closest to, which makes sense it’s your best friend! And her being included as a bridesmaid should be enough to make her happy, I would think.I hope the situation gets better for you
Post # 6
Last year a colleague of mine’s sister got married. The bride asked her sister to be her Maid/Matron of Honor….the bride’s best friend proceeded to FREAK OUT and demand that she be upgraded from bridesmaid to Maid/Matron of Honor and the sister be downgraded. The best compromise the bride could do to keep peace was make them co-MOHs….but apparently everyone at the wedding (and now total strangers) knew and thought that girl was NUTS.
Post # 7
Wow…you would think it would just be an honor being included in the wedding party.
Post # 8
I am not going to agree with the PPs. By choosing an Honor and the Others, you are inherantly ranking your friends. Its just the way it is.
It sucks your friend feels the need to say something, but I am not surprised she feels second rate. The problem is that she felt she should have been the Maid/Matron of Honor. I have been in weddings as both, and I had an expectation of the role I would be asked to be in. Its based on history with the person, closeness of the friend etc.
If she was dissapointed she should have he manners to stay quiet, but I am not surprised she feels graded, because she was. Its just that most people don’t say anything in these cases.
Post # 9
I just can’t help but think how juvenile the whole thing is. What would she have you do, rip the title from the other person and give it to her? Everyone has people they are closer to, and each relationship is different. It’s an honor to be asked to be in your bridal party, regardless of the title. She has accepted your offer to be in your wedding and should therefore accept it with grace, be there for you, and keep her mouth shut. You have been patient with her and explained to her that you love her and it wasn’t a ranking thing in your mind, so now she needs to let it go, or you will have a difficult decision to make regarding whether you want to deal with her drama. Very best wishes to you and I hope you get the support you need/ deserve from ALL of your ‘maids.
Post # 10
Is this person very sensitive in general, or is this an out of the norm reaction for them?
A friend of mine dealt with this when she got married. She had known two women–S and L since middle school and was particularly close to S. When S was confirmed as Maid/Matron of Honor, L refused to be in the wedding because she wasn’t Maid/Matron of Honor. My friend stuck with her decision and it was for the best.
IMO, a person who would act in such a way that brings added stress to the bride’s life doesn’t actually understand the role of Maid/Matron of Honor. I believe that by drawing attention to this perceived slight and creating the potential for awkwardness, this woman has shown that she isn’t the right fit for Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 11
I’m sorry, but your friend is being ridiculous! It is customary to choose your longest friend as Maid/Matron of Honor, not always, but typical. I chose my sister and some people got jealous! Is she wanting to back out of the wedding now?
Post # 12
She’s being immature and extremely manipulative. Try not to take too much notice.
Post # 13
I always thought the Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man was chosen as someone who is either a really close family member or someone you love and trust to help with the most integral parts of planning? I have two friends who could’ve been Maid/Matron of Honor candidates, but I chose the one who lives closest to me to take any undue pressure off the one who lives several states away. So far, nobody’s made a mess about it. I’m sorry that she is feeling this way, can you try to explain to her that you chose your wedding party because everyone in it means a lot to you and you want everyone to be there for your big day?