(Closed) Fighting over…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My ex husband snored so loudly that I would go to sleep on the couch in the basement, two floors away and I could still hear him!  He finally went to the doc and had surgery for a deviated septum (spelling?) and for several years it worked wonders!  We divorced for a whole slew of other problems…

See if you can convince him to see a doctor, he could have sleep apnea which could be very dangerous for him.

Post # 18
1074 posts
Bumble bee

My SO and I have a similar problem, but one night I recorded his snoring and made him listen to it. I don’t think people with really bad snoring realise how bad it is, they can’t hear it after all. After hearing himself go from yelling loud to not breathing to roaring load again and again I think it really hit home for him that his snoring is a serious problem that he needs to fix. He’s finally scheduled a doctor’s appointment to talk to them about a sleep center reccomendation. 

Also I make him wake up when his snoring is really bad so I can get back to sleep. Your SO’s selfish attitude about his snoring is some bull you need to call him out on!

Post # 19
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
@batwoman:  recording it is a GREAT idea!! (Totally something I would do!!). Glad your SO made an appointment with a sleep center! 

Post # 20
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I understand completely because I’m the one who snores like a chainsaw.  I had no idea until my husband moved in, because I’d lived alone for years.  I went to a sleep doctor and it turns out that of course I have sleep apnea – I have a CPAP now and when I wear it (which is every night) I don’t snore AT ALL.  My husband can sleep again!  And your H is probably not getting good sleep either – with apnea you wake up hundreds of times during the night and never get into the deep part of sleep.

I know PPs are saying that it’s not his fault, which of course it’s not, but it IS his fault if it’s something that can be solved and he’s not willing to take responsibility and explore the possibilites.  Not only for your sanity but for his health as well.

Post # 21
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

DH snored terribly and eventually had a sleep study done – we learned he has severe obstructive sleep apnea.  He had his tonsils removed in November and a septoplasty in December, and he now sleeps with a CPAP machine.  There were times that DH’s oxygen levels dropped into the low 80s/high 70s before the surgeries – his doctors were extremely worried.  But he’s MUCh better now and doesn’t snore at all.

In talking with your Fiance about this, I would focus on the potential medical issues rather than your discomfort since that might be more motivating to him.

Post # 22
81 posts
Worker bee

@codysgirl16:  I know exactly how you feel!  My DH snores so loud, I sometimes think there is a tractor right next to me.  I get frustrated, use ear plugs, they hurt my ears or my cat jumps on face trying to take them out etc….I have recorded him  snoring so he knows exactly how loud he is.  Even though his snoring makes me lose sleep I have been telling him for years that I think he has sleep apnea & now 4 years later he has finally agreed to see a doctor.

He has been using 2 products for about 4 months that help a little-Snore Stop spray & Pure Sleep retainer.  Neither elimates the snoring completely but it does make it tolerable and as PP stated I try to go to sleep before he does.



(Pure Sleep has a BOGO offer)




Post # 23
28 posts

In addition to the suggestions others have provided, you might try a white noise machine, which is basically a fan, which tends “masks” the noise.  You’ll still hear him, but it won’t be as bothersome.

Post # 24
132 posts
Blushing bee

Please get him to a doctor for a referral for a sleep study ASAP! Loud explosive snoring is very frequently a sign of obstructive sleep apnea where you stop breathing in your sleep. People with sleep apnea have 5X the risk of stroke and 4X the risk of heart attack. Sleep apnea is not restricted to older overweight people (or males), it can happen to younger, fit people too (although the risk worsens with age). ANYONE WITH LOUD SNORING SHOULD BE SCREENED FOR SLEEP APNEA AS OVER TIME, IT CAN KILL YOU! DO THIS *BEFORE* YOU CONSIDER BREATHING STRIPS OR WHITE NOISE MACHINES! (Sorry for the all caps, it’s so many lives could be saved if all of these people got sleep studies and screened for obstructive sleep apnea as MOST PEOPLE WITH OSA ARE UNTREATED.)

There is *effective treatment* for sleep apnea and he will feel so much better too (as well as living longer (and you will no longer hear his snoring either with a CPAP machine (the machines are fairly quiet these days – my husband doesn’t even notice mine.)

I have severe sleep apnea – I stop breathing 87 times a hour. My snoring is loud (measured at over 50 decibels in the sleep lab- the sleep doc told me he calls it “the heroic level”.) For many years mine went untreated, my daughter was in in grade 1 she wrote “Sometimes my mommy snores so loud, it wakes me up” and when I stayed at a friend’s house, I woke up her entire family even though they were on another floor. When an acquaintance told me about her sleep apnea (after the sleeping at a friend’s house incidence), I got screened and found out I had it. Having it treated, I feel so much better. When I was untreated, I felt awful when I woke up but I did not know how bad I felt until I finally got normal, restorative sleep. Please tell him to get a sleep study so you can ensure he lives a long, healthy life.

More information about obstructive sleep apnea:



Post # 25
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Regarding earplugs, I am an expert on the subject because I have a snorer on my hands as well.

The big green ones hurt my delicate petite lady ears. Like really hurt where they are sore all the next day.  I have to get the pink ones, the one’s I like are called “Sleep Pretty in Pink” (I know cheesy) they don’t hurt and if you insert them correctly it should seriously deafen the sound. A lot of people don’t insert them right. You need to roll the into a cylinder, and then pull your outer ear up and back to fully open up the ear canal so it goes in all the way.

There is anohter brand of “lady” earplugs called Mack’s Dreamgirl. I don’t recommend these, they are too small. Maybe if you have crazy narrow ear canals.

I cannot sleep next to my Fiance without them. They saved my relationship, seriously.

Post # 26
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My husband snores and we don’t sleep together. We tried but I end up miserable and waking him up and neither of us sleeps. It sucks, he looked in to a stop snoring surgery but it was over $5000 and we just don’t have that kind of money. And, even if he did have surgery, I still might not be able to sleep with him as I’m a super light sleeper with insomnia issues.

I hope you guys find a solution that works for both of you.

Post # 27
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You can also go to a hardware store and buy in-ear plugs. I used them a lot when I was working around circular and table saws for my theatre in California.

You literally go deaf when wearing them. It was so bad that my team and I had come up with specific hand signals to talk to one another when we had them in. It was easier than taking them in and out.

Post # 28
8573 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I know how you feel.

My dog has a collapsing trachea, he’s had it ever since he was a puppy. It used to scare me to death that he wouldn’t be able to beathe, and I would always hold him & try to calm him down. It would happen in the middle of the night as well, so I would wake up whenever I heard him. [He is currently on medicine and it doesn’t happen NEARLY as often now] – However, I still sleep extremely light. ANYTHING will wake me up, or keep me up. Even a fan.

Not only does Fiance snore, LOUD. He also needs a “buffer” noise when he sleeps. He prefers a fan to be on high, or the tv fuzz of death.

I. CANT. SLEEP. EVER. with either of those two things on. Lately, I’ve just been staying up all night and lay down at about 4 to unwind.. he leaves at 5 for work, once he’s gone I turn off the fan and FINALLY get some sleep. But it’s usually only a few hours.

The only time I can really sleep while he sleeps is when I’m so exhausted from lack of sleep that a hurricane wouldn’t wake me up.

It’s tough sometimes, really it is. I don’t want to sleep in separate rooms, but I think in the end we will need to. Either that, or he needs to go to the dr or something.

I don’t snore at all [well, I do when I’m sick, but that’s because I can’t breathe!].

Post # 29
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@codysgirl16:  He could have a deviated septum. I think a visit to the ear, nose and throat specialist is in order. 

I do hear ya though. No sleep is the worse thing ever because it disrupts your whole day! 

Post # 30
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
@Catgal3:  Listen to her, she sounds smart.

Snoring can be indicative of some serious respiratory problems; sleep apnea and deviated septum just to name a few. It doesn’t sound seriously urgent but yes, it would definitely be something to bring up to the doctor at the next visit.

My SO is SUCH a loud snorer. He’s a tosser and a turner too. I made him go to the doctor and as it turns out, it wasn’t anything serious at all…just a couple extra lbs from all the beer he’d been brewing…

…listening to all of this makes me grateful that more often than not, I could sleep through the end of the world. I don’t know what I would do if I was a light sleeper.

Until then though, try to focus on getting yourself into a deeper form of sleep before the snoring starts. Set rituals before going to bed, keep the lights dim or dark for about an hour. Melatonin is supposed to help as well if you can’t get to sleep. Sometimes, if you can beat it to sleep before him, you won’t even notice the snoring. Good luck!

Post # 31
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@codysgirl16:  Look – he can’t really help snoring.  Is it too much to ask that he see the doctor, try breathe right strips, etc?  No.  He should be more than willing to do that.  But in the meantime, you have to work with what you got.  If you have to sleep in separate rooms, so be it.  It’s far from ideal but it’s better than getting pissy and waking him up in the middle of the night.

For what it’s worth, my husband is a snorer.  It’s loud and annoying and the last thing I want to hear when I’m trying to sleep.  But I’m not going to fight with him over it.  That’s crazy!  So I go to bed before him, he comes up later.  Once I’m asleep it’s rare that I wake up.  So that’s what we do…

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