(Closed) Fighting over…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@codysgirl16:  omg, Seriously, this is me.  This sleep apnea thing (that you are enduring) AND this dysfunctional family thing my Fiance is in denial of and trying to have me “go with him” to his family things to be the “rock and pilar of strength” for him.

Before I saw your post, I had stepped away from Fiance for this past week to think things through.  I came to the conclusion that, 1) he needs to see a specialist (AND STOP DENYING HE HAS A PHYSICAL PROBLEM) for the sleep apnea, and 2) start being a grown ass man and AGAIN STOP DENYING that there is this major dysfunction in his family and trying to make me the “sounding board” and “bear this drama” that I DO NOT FOR A MOMENT BRING ONTO Fiance.

So, holy shit, I hear you, and I had to reply when I saw this because I am really wondering what the next 40+to forever years hold if these are the responses we’re getting at things our guys DO NOT have to bear with us.  

Post # 33
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@kimm99:  Holla at those Pretty in Pinks!  They’re the only kind that have ever worked for me, and do they really work!  With the added bonus of being small enough to not give me a pounding headache.  Don’t you wish they came in other colors though…or just not pink?  We get it, they’re marketed towards women but…c’mon.  And those butterflies on the packaging, ugh.  

Anywho OP, I know you mentioned earplugs don’t work for you, but try a soft, small pair like the brand we mentioned here.  Since they’re made smaller I think they actually have a better fit for the typical woman’s ear, and I promise there’s no pain at all from wearing them (once you wear them every night for a week or so to adjust).

And oh yeah, show him a recording (I did this too! It’s weird how unaware they are of making SO MUCH noise) and then make him get screened for apnea.  My Fiance hated the CPAP so he got this special retainer mold through his dentist that sets his jaw in a better position.  It’s helped so much!

Post # 34
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yeh my Fiance snores too but it’s usually when they are on their backs so I roll him over and it stops. but then he started complaining about neck pain from sleeping onhis side so he went and bought a memory foam pillow and now we are both able to get a good nights sleep. I think it’s so rude that he yelled at you for waking him up, I’ve done the same on may occassions in the past and Fiance has been fine (if he doesn’t sleep laugh at me for being mad :P)

Post # 35
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

My ex was a HORRIBLE snore-er! Earplugs hurt SO bad… But we were working 3rd shift, so exhaustion prevented me from having sleeping problems…

Post # 36
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law used to have this very problem and slept in diff rooms for years because of it until he finally went to a doctor and had some sort of minor surgery where they remove a small flap of skin that causes the snoring.  Every since then, they’ve been happy and sleeping together! I know surgery sounds a little scary, but this is the rest of your life we’re talking about! If he loves you he’ll look into it!

Post # 37
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@codysgirl16:  Send him to a sleep specialist doctor to make sure it isn’t sleep apnea which can be deadly. I sent my mom after a weekend vacation of listening to her snore in the hotel. Doctor told her I saved her life, or added years to it at the least.

Post # 38
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Can I add that for over a year of hearing Fiance apnea out, I’d do the caring thing of lovingly touching him and saying ‘hon you’re not breathing, roll to the side’ and that’s great and all, but imagine doing that every damn 14 minutes all night long?!  Guess what that means?  That means you are woken up every 14 minutes to fall back to sleep for 10 or 11 minutes while Fiance systematically begins again to not breath for the next few minutes RINSE AND REPEAT.  So yeah, try to endure that for an extended amount of time!  Here’s a reality check on the value of at least 6 solid hours sleep: Navy SEALS are tested for AROUND ONLY THREE WEEKS on 3 to 6 hours broken sleep to see if they will crack.  Three weeks for SEALS.  Anything more would indicate that they are in a torture situation.  Ugh.  LOL, but not LOL!  (lol, god help us).  And we girls have dealt with this for about a year before posting here!   I feel for those going through this with DHs or FIs that are making excuses to hold off going to see a specialist and/or needing a “recording” to believe you.  Holy f+++ ugh!  /end rant

 

Post # 39
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Definitely he should get a doctor check and probably sleep study and go from there.  Some friends of our family had a similar scenario where the husband’s snoring was super loud.  They tried a bunch of things.  Eventually something worked, but I can’t recall.  I think it was some kind of surgery.

You might look into getting a CPAP on the secondary market (like Craig’s List).  They are only available by prescription, in theory, but people do sell used ones (you can buy new tubing and mask for hygeine – those don’t require a prescription).

I bought a CPAP this way because of a weird medical condition I have with my esophagus (mine would be off-label use since I don’t have sleep apnea so no way to get a prescription), and when I wear it I don’t snore at all.

He is being a jerk if he doesn’t care that you can’t sleep! If he isn’t willing to talk about it or attempt to fix the problem that would be a big issue to me.

 

Post # 40
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I didn’t read all the other responses (I skimmed), and I agree with the doctor visits. Also, my Fiance snored when we first met REALLY BAD and I made him buy those breathe right strips. They actually work (for us, at least). I was so happy. Maybe that could be a short-term solution until you get the bigger picture taken care of.

Post # 41
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This was us two years ago. Fiance sounded like an airplane taking off. Every night, all night. I would beg him to wait until I fell asleep, but it takes me half an hour and him a few minutes, so that didn’t really work. So I would lay there, trying but failing miserably to fall asleep for hours. I spent many nights on the couch, which hurt his feelings, but I just desperately wanted to SLEEP. And even then, he would keep me awake because it was still pretty loud. I’ll admit I know what it’s like to feel bitter and angry that he could sleep so easily and I had to fight the noise to go to sleep (and heaven forbid I wake up in the middle of the night, there’s another couple hours gone).

But one night, I noticed that he didn’t just go quiet every once in awhile, he actually stopped breathing altogether. I started timing how long this happened for and how often it happened and he was doing it quite a bit in his sleep. Once he knew that, he went to the doctor and had a sleep study done. Turns out, his tonsils were so big they were obstructing his airway at night and causing sleep apnea.

He had them removed and it was like night and day (or more like day and night, because I could finally SLEEP again at night, in the same bed to boot). He also felt a big difference in the quality of his sleep.

So Fiance should really see the doctor about it. Not only is it keeping you awake, it could be a symptom of a larger problem.

Post # 42
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@codysgirl16:  my SO snores if he’s had too much to drink or is really tired, if he’s sleeping on his back. I usually just poke him or say ‘shhhh’, he will wake up and roll onto his side And the snoring stops. Try that, get him to roll him onto his side and see if that makes a difference. And he should get checked out, snoring an be a sign of sleep apnea. I can definitely understand why you’re frustrated – you get to a breaking point where you just lose it!

Post # 44
Member
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

Snoring is horrendous and makes you unreasonably mad. Sleep depreivation ins no freaking joke. 

 

I used to share a room with my brother when I was younger and would keep little objects beside my bed so I could chuck them at him in the middle of the night when i reached breaking point. 

 

I found that the way he slept affected if he snored, on his chest he didnt snore. I also found alcohol made it ten times worse … he FINALLY got these breath right strips from the pharmacy which opened his nose right up and made snoring a thing of the past. 

 

In this day and age there are sooo many things for snoring your Fiance just needs to be considerate, get up and go get it sorted … and id stay mad until he did.

Post # 45
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My Fiance snores for a couple of reasons – he tends to sleep on his back and he’s a bit overweight. If I can’t sleep and I hear him snoring, it drives me CRAZY and I find I can’t get to sleep until he stops. So I understand how frustrating it is when you are unable to sleep, and he cracks it at you for *disturbing* his sleep when you can’t get any in the first place!

I agree with those who say he should get checked out for sleep apnea. If he turns out not to have an actual medical condition, those Breathe Right strips might work. Good luck!

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