(Closed) Fighting the Bitterness

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
22 posts

@jenk00004: yay for looking at rings! Hopefully it will help getting him to start thinking seriously about the future, moving out, and getting married 🙂

Post # 4
3305 posts
Sugar bee

welcome- hope your wait is short. Personally, I think he needs a kick to get things moving- he might be confortbale in his situation right now and doesn’t see a need to do anything soon. I would have a talk about timelines with him so that he can put a timing prospect on things and give him a push to do more so you both can get going.


Post # 6
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@jenk00004:  Welcome!  I was in a similar situation to you.  🙂  He wanted to wait until he could afford to get me the ring I wanted.  Now, we’re waiting an extra year for me to finish school and him to pay off some bills.  You could always be engaged a little longer, if that works for him.  I know it sucks right now, but it’s actually a good thing that he wants to be more stable before getting married.  Have fun ring shopping!

Post # 7
272 posts
Helper bee

make sure he follows through on the ring-shopping comment, if you really do want to pick one out together. For me, talking about wanting to go ring shopping made him get into gear and go and pick something out on his own- still no ring but I don’t think I have too long! if he truly wants to look, then encourage him to make an appointment and be detailed it telling him about your jewelry style- unless you have no idea, in which case you should probably both go.

Post # 8
450 posts
Helper bee

@jenk00004: Like you, I am also waiting.  For a while, I also wondered about when it would happen and it seemed that all our discussions ended with me still not knowing anything specific.  I really didn’t want to pressure him or even be the one to directly ask about when we would get engaged.  However, after nearly a year of these conversations I decided I just had to be direct–which is what I advise you to do.  Althought the conversation was a bit strained and I sensed he seemed uncomfortable, I also realized that he was committed to me but was just dragging his feet for whatever reason.  So I straight up asked for a specific time–and he told me it would be this July.  I then asked him directly–so we’ll be engaged by then? And he said yes.  Trust me, I felt SO weird asking these questions and I really wished he was the one to bring it up.  But strangely enough, that conversation ended up bringing us closer together.

I firmly believe now that being direct with a guy about your needs is essential.  If it scares him off, then that is your answer right there.  But if he truly loves you, he will do what it takes to make you happy. 

So maybe consider asking your guy about setting a timeline of when you would get engaged/married.  And let us know how it goes! Best of luck!

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