(Closed) Fighting with FI over gift registry :(

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

While I can understand you want to experience registering with him, it’s fun, and, for me, a milestone, would you be willing to leave him out of it? Register with your Maid/Matron of Honor or someone else if he isn’t cooperating and apparently starting to throw digs at you? I can understand hiim not wanting more “stuff”, I am the same way but it’s not very nice of him to kinda insult you or your fam. if it were me, I’d just register for a couple of things we might need and not perpetuate a fight with him. I HATE fighting with my FI!

Post # 4
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@are_you_serious:  I think this fight is about more than just the registry. Is your Fiance uncomfortable with change? Is he getting nervous about the wedding? I think all the discussion about not needing new stuff is concern about how things are going to change when you move in together. This is not necessarily a major stumbling block or a “call off the wedding” moment — but definitely a moment to check in about how you guys are feeling about taking this big step. The irrational focus on “stuff” that isn’t “his stuff,” combined with the slam at your family (which was a jerk move, but the sort of thing that people do when they feel “cornered”) just makes me think it may be about this and not tea towels.

Just my two cents — hope this is helpful.

Post # 5
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We live together but there are still things we would like – food processor, etc. Also, when we initially moved in together we got a $20 knife set, $14.99 silverware, etc. We needed to upgrade lots of stuff, so we registered for it!

People are really going to get you a gift if they want to give a gift and I would prefer to have a registry with lots of price-points.

Maybe its best to discuss with Fiance what you have and don’t have and they go register on your own? That’s probably what I would do.

Plus, we registered for a totally lavish wine cooler that we never expected to get and it was the first gift purchased! Some people really want to buy those lavish things that they know the bride/groom would never get for themselves.

Post # 6
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I know my Fiance got really upset when we moved in together and he felt like “his stuff” was being disregarded. We had mutually agreed that my sofa was nicer – I had bought it about 2 years prior and paid over $1,000 for it while his was free off of Craigslist and had numerous holes and stains but, it still upset him that “his stuff” was being trashed. This went on with a lot of things. I never forced him to get rid of stuff but, we only needed one of everything and most of my things were in much better condition. He is probably just having a hard time feeling like his stuff isn’t enough. Fiance and I have lived together for about 4 years now so while we have plenty we have registered for just about everything. We registered for 16 place settings of dishes. I normally host Christmas Eve dinner and we never have enough plates and the ones we do have are mismatched, so it would be nice to have one nice set. Same for the bathroom. We obviously currently have a shower curtain, trashcan, etc. but, we would like to remodel eventually. Yes, we may not NEED a new shower curtain right this second but it would be nice to have one we like and will eventually need after we redo the bathroom. I think you just need to explain to him that it’s not that you don’t think the items he currently has are nice but that you would just like to start your life together “fresh”.

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I guess compromise?  Tell him that you won’t put the registry information on a website or invitation, but if anyone asks (or finds it on the internet), then you want it there.  Agree on a small “range” of stuff: aka dishes/silverware/cooking tools ok, lavish wine cooler not and a low value such as $1-2k.  And then you go and register without him for it.  If the registry is within 10% of completetion, then agree that you can add more items to it. 

ETA: I think Aheavel may be right, that part of it could be agnst that his things are getting rejected and thrown away.  Towards that end, putting totally new items on the registry as opposed to upgrades might help.

Post # 8
Hostess
23602 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Girl, you just relayed exactly what I went through!  We argued and argued, and then after he got bored of resisting me on the registry stuff, I snuck stuff on gradually.  To this day, he whines that we don’t need all that stuff, but he hasn’t been able to find one thing in the house that I haven’t used! Even extra towels and sheets!

Post # 10
Hostess
23602 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@are_you_serious:  Haha!  So, when we were registering for wedding gifts, I talked him into registering for Macy’s Hotel Collection sheets, that cost….oh at least double what sheets were that he ever owned.  He argued and argued with me over that, but guess what?  Two weeks ago, I took those sheets off of our bed to wash them and replaced them with lesser thread count sheets, and all he could do was whining about wanting the “good” ones back!

Have solace in knowing that your instincts are probably good.  Building a home together is definitely not easy, there are a lot of growing pains for both of you.  He’s going from “bachelor” life to his forever with you.

Post # 11
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Is he into anything? There are some really different places you can register other than just sears. Were registered at MEC which is like REI. 

Post # 13
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Where abouts are you? Im from Ontario but live in Nova Scotia with family in Saskatchewan BC Quebec and Aberta. Youd be surprised at places that do have official or unofficial registry. Random example is most Running Room locations have registry systems.

Post # 14
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@are_you_serious:  I would just try and talk to him about it. Let him know that you realize that he worked hard to get everything he needed for his place but, that you think you both deserve to start fresh and have some nicer things. Just say it in a way that you don’t offend him, his style, or the things he already has. Tell him you’d like to have matching plates, bowls, cups, and silverware and that now is the time to get these things while someone else is willing to get them for you.

Post # 15
Member
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

guys just don’t understand!!! let us do this stuff. let us decorate and buy/register the things that make a “home.” my SO bought a new place last summer and moved 90% of his old crap (we’re talking 10 yr old toilet brushes). he got offended when i said he needed new bedding (his being completely mismatched and full of pills).

i say just go ahead and register (take a girlfriend!) without him (tho not nec in secret). you will have more fun without him, i bet.

Post # 16
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My Fiance expressed no interest in registering, whatsoever.  So, I created registries online and add to them when I’m bored at work.  Haha.  We don’t need a lot of upgrades, but when I think of something I add it (e.g. a pair of meat scissors). 

 

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