(Closed) Fighting with His Horrible Mother, He Now Says He Can’t Marry Me, Please Help Me

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Dear Valentina,

My prayers are with you.  You WILL get through this, and I DO believe that you will be much happier and grateful when you find the Love of your life that puts you first!!  God Bless!!

Post # 63
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Valentina — Know that you made the right decision, and that you are SO brave for following through with it.  I know it’s hard to see it now, but down the road, once you have finished grieving this relationship, you really will see that you dodged a major bullet by not marrying into that family.  I think many of us have had our hearts broken by men (or women) who we thought would be “the one”.  I know I have.  It hurts more than anything at first, but slowly that hurt goes away, and you realize that you are far better off now, then you ever would have been by continuing on with your relationship.  I’m thinking of you!

Post # 64
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

As much as I hate to hear that everything is so hard for you, it is good that you asked your mother to pack everything up. The last thing you need right now are those reminders.

I agree with what Ren said. If you feel comfortable, save the dress for when the right man enters your life, because that way when you pull it out again you’ll realize how far you’ve come.

 

Will definately keep you in my prayers, and keep us updated!

Post # 65
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I just wanted to say I feel for you and I wish you the best.  Through my own heartache, I know that things happen for a reason and everything works out in the end (you probably think I’m crazy now cuz you’re hurting).  I don’t know you, but you deserve someone that will stand up for you and to not say the thing he said to you (he completely made you think you are the bad guy).  This isn’t your fault.  You don’t need to feel guilty for not wanting to be abused by his mother without any protection from him.   Good luck and stay strong.

Post # 66
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

V,

WOW you are so courageous and amazing. Good for you for knowing what you want in life. i admire you! Although this time must be insanely hard for you, you will look back one day and thank your lucky stars for helping you be so strong to make this choice.

Post # 67
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

Don’t lose hope it will get better.  I am praying for you.

Let your family and friends take care of you for awhile.

Post # 68
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

Oh wow! I just wanted to give you a hug! *hug!*

I think that you’re most likely better off. Every girl deserves a man who will treat her like a princess. You’ll find him!

Post # 70
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

Him playing the victim shows he learned a lot about manipulating people from his mother. You are better off getting away from that environment.

It will absolutely hurt for a while and I’m sorry for that. Mourn the relationship, it is a loss, but know that you took this hit for your longterm happiness. You do not deserve that kind of emotional manipulation for your lifetime.

Do what you can to take your mind off it too. Take a class, try to meet new people — not necessarily to date, but just to recognize there are wonderful people out there and your possibilities haven’t been limited by this heartbreak.

Post # 71
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with ribbons… his inability to admit his mother is the cause of the majority of the problems shows that he has the stronger relationship with his mom which is not good.

A man you are going to marry should always put you first and as much as it hurts you are really doing the right thing… That man will be emotionally married to his mama forever. Creepy :/

Post # 72
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Valentina- I am so sorry that you are going through this and have ended the engagement. BIG hugs to you!

I know that you may feel unsure of everything right now, but I think you made the best decision. I dated a guy who had an unhelthy relationship with his mother and she was somewhat like the Future Mother-In-Law you described. It was awful having to deal with her and this boyfriend would not stick up for me at all. This situation was also hard because his sister also was on MIL’s bandwagon and treated me like dirt no matter how much I tried to be firendly/supportive/kind to his mother and sister.

I ended up breaking up with this guy and now in retrospect I see that not only was his mother and sister awful to me, but he was also not the most respectful person to me. I deserved a whole lot better, but could not see that when I was in the relationship with him.

I have now found my Fiance and I am so grateful that I walked away from that other bad relationship eventhough it was tough. Fiance respects me and sees me as his family. He knows to stick up for me and to not allow his mother to bulldoze me. His mom and I have our moments, but I know she likes me and is happy that I make her son so happy.

Hang in there, hun!

Post # 73
Member
23 posts
Newbee

Remember…there is always a rainbow after the rain…..

and there’ll be a guy who makes you understand why this horrible thing happens…

 

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Post # 74
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

Hope you are doing better.

Post # 76
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Awww, well I am glad to know you are getting better! I was really sad when everything happened.

He sounds creepy though that he doesn’t want you to change your number or filter your email just so he can keep tabs on you, but that is just me. I also can’t believe he has pinned everything on you and said you ruined other women for him! What nerve! It kind of make me want to b*tch slap him honestly. He DOES have some issues, so don’t believe for one minute the bull he is trying to serve you.

You are only 28. Lots of people are waiting until their 30s to get married, so your life has just begun! Go to the counseling (which is great that you are doing it) and hug those puppies of yours extra hard. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but one day this will all be a bad dream and you will be open to knowing other guys again. It just takes some time.

(((HUGS)))

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