(Closed) Fighting with your SO on vacation

posted 6 years ago in Travel
Post # 3
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry you had a bad time.  Sometimes these things happen.  What was the comment?  Why did it upset you so much?

Post # 5
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

“I don’t want this to keep happening and I’m terrified that our headbutting will eventually be the thing that kills this. :(“

Then you need to accept that he had relationships before you and not punish him for it. My husband and I almost NEVER discuss our pasts, because it’s pointless. He’s with you now, why is it important for him to keep you informed about relationships that didn’t work out?

Post # 6
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

I know this is a “roll your eyes” thing to say, but it’s kind of a good thing that you guys had this fight — it sucks it had to happen while on vacation, but at least now you know the truth about some parts of your SO’s past and it’s better to find these things out sooner rather than later.  People fight on vacation all the time (goodness knows Fiance and I do… especially when we are with friends for the same reason you gave, no time alone to dicuss), give it a bit and your anger will fade.  Try not to dwell on your SO’s past as well, it’s over and now that you know it you are better prepared to deal with things like this.

Post # 7
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@KatyElle:   This.

Let it go.  If you want to stay together you should work on learning to focus on the good things you have with him NOW.  The past is over and gone and it doesn’t matter – at all.  I agree with KatyElle.  My Fiance and I never discuss the past any more, we know a little about our past relationships but they’re completely irrelevant now.  And, really, his past is none of your business and vice-versa.

It’s not worth being upset over.  If you keep getting in a funk and starting arguments over things like this you’ll run the risk of losing him.  That isn’t what you want, is it? 

He loves you, he chose you, show him you can be strong enough to rise above this.  And rise above it.

Post # 8
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I also agree with letting go of everything in the past. Leave it there and bury it. The only thing that stuck out to me was his not waiting for you the morning you were going sight-seeing. If this was supposed to be a vacation for you two, why was it so important he ran off alone? That would bother me. Now, I don’t have enough details here so maybe it isn’t a big deal. Maybe you didn’t want to leave for another 2 hours or maybe this was a trip specifically for him to hang out with that friend and you were tagging along… I don’t know. But thats the only thing in the post that would bug me. 

Over-all though, it does sound like you two maybe need to work a little bit on being more understanding of each other and maybe let the little things go. 

Post # 9
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

First: ditto to @KatyElle, his past already happened and there’s nothing you can do about it. He didn’t do anything wrong, he dated! Deep breath, accept him for the man you love, and continue to focus on your own relationship.

Second: regardless of *what* the trigger was, I absolutely understand how one thing can set off a chain reaction of negativity and spiral into an all-out arguement while on vacation. Tension builds when you can’t be alone to really sit down and talk it out, which makes a “normal” fight feel much worse. This happened to us once, while camping with friends — talk about zero privacy!

Darling Husband and I have learned to immediately recognize when one or both of us is getting “that” feeling, and say so right away. It’s important for both of you to recognize the tension, even if you disagree on the solution. We make it a point to stop what we’re doing, TALK it out, and eventually find a way to calm down so we can productively solve whatever’s wrong — an apology, an admission that he or I said/did something stupid, or just plain old stress release through venting. 

It feels so icky to fight while on vacation, but I promise it’s not uncommon. You have to push through that feeling and get down to resolving the issue, and then you BOTH have to let. it. go. When you’re both at home later, kiss and make up, pour a glass of wine, and talk about something else. Tomorrow you’ll probably both have forgotten what the problem was in the first place.

Post # 11
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:  It’ll take some time to get over the anger. Do you live together? If not, just go a couple days until you miss him again. If you do live together, try to distract yourself for a bit. Hopefully by the end of the day you’ll be feeling a bit better.

Vacations aren’t always awesome, and can be stressful sometimes, but it does sound like it got a bit out of hand. Maybe next time don’t vacation w. one of his friends? There are very few people I’d be comfortable vacationing with, and I would ensure that we’d get some couple time in so we wouldn’t go for ages without being able to talk about something.

Post # 12
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I just read your second post, and it sounds like you guys are pretty young. He sounds immature. Sorry. All I can really suggest is to try and let bygones be bygones. It’s possible his friend remembers things differently than your boyfriend does.

Post # 13
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@OneOfTheseDaysAlice:   The thing is, though, his perception may be different from his friend’s perception and neither one of them be wrong.  There is no black/white with some things, there are gray areas.  Just because he didn’t tell you intimate details about his past relationships doesn’t mean he lied to you.  Does it?  Do you really believe this man you love so much is a liar?

In all honesty it is possible he didn’t tell you details because why is it important for you to know?  Did you tell him intricate details about your past relationships?

Try putting yourself in his place.  Because if my Fiance all the sudden started taking a friend of mine’s word about my past over my own, I would have a huge problem with that. 

Your SO’s friend was not part of those relationships, he was only a bystander, so what he says/thinks/feels is not important and possibly not even correct. 

Don’t let something like this come between the two of you.  From your previous posts your relationship sounds like a healthy and loving one.  Trust your SO and allow him to have his past without judgment from you, like he allows you to have yours without judgment from him.

I hope all this makes sense, I really want the best for you.  ((HUGS))

Post # 14
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

His friend definitely sounds immature. Did your Boyfriend or Best Friend say anything to him? IMO, talking about an Ex (more than a brief mention) in front of the current SO = not cool. I’d be pissed if one of my GFs did this to me!

Post # 15
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I had a big fight with my fiance when we were in Vegas to the point that we actaully seperated and did our own thing for a few hours. Then we continued to fight as we were going to a club to see one of my favorite singers, Mike Posner Kiss, perform and werent really talking but then he ended up getting security to let me go back to meet Mike so I was no longer mad at him of course. lol.

I know how frustrating it is when people are around and you cant say what you feel. It starts to boil up and ruins your mood. Which sucks even more when your on vacation. But at least its all out in the open now

Post # 16
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Our first trip together was kind of terrible.  It was lovely where we were, but i was going insane waiting for a proposal and he was being inconsiderate and stupid.  We fought a few times on the trip, Definitely alot the first day or so because i am a horrible traveller and i just wanted to GET THERE and he was being annoying lol. 

You live and learn from those things.  He now knows to not argue with me in an airport. I now know to just book day trips and force him to go. Otherwise he will hum and haaaa the whole trip and we wont end up doing anything. He enjoyed what i did end up booking, but he is just as content playing volleyball at the resort which i am NOT content doing. 

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