Post # 1
I hope this comes across the right way, because this is not in any way intended to offend anyone. Love ya, bees!
My significant other and I never fight. We have never had an argument over anything, ever. Perhaps people may think this is because we’re naive or that our relationship is still “new” (we’re both 23, been dating almost two years) or maybe we don’t fight because our relationship is shallow and we simply don’t talk about the “tough” topics. But we’re totally honest and talk about literally everything! There is nothing I would feel uncomfortable bringing up with him, and I know he feels the same way.
When friends try to confide in me about their relationship troubles, I feel like I don’t know how to be helpful. I’m always like, “Can’t you just talk about it?” When I tell them that we don’t fight, they laugh! They think it can’t be true!
I don’t think it’s bad to fight, I know a lot of couples that have made serious progress in their relationships after a fight. I feel crazy that we don’t do this!
I HAVE to know: does anyone else not fight in their relationship? Does make you feel weird or guilty like me?
Post # 3
I think it depends on how you define a “fight”.
I voted no, only because we’ve NEVER, ever had a “discussion” where we yelled, insulted, cried, threatened, or been just plain mean to each other. It just has never happened. BUT, we’ve definitely had disagreements/miscommunication/hurt feelings. I think that’s just normal. We’ve always been able to solve them quickly, and move on.
We have similar styles of conflict resolution, and I think that’s been HUGE for us. We also just are those people that don’t get angry easily, and when we do, we get over it really quickly.
But again, it’s all in how you define a “fight”. 🙂
Post # 4
My husband & I have occasional disagreements, but we don’t really fight. & when we don’t agree, we talk about it & its resolved within an hour or so. We never yell at each other, or stomp around, or leave or anything like that, we just talk about it. We’ve known each other for about 2 years, the last year was courting/dating & we got married last month. So I think there are couples who are really good in communication & don’t really fight. Sometimes it does feel wierd when couples fight or tell a story about a fight & I think “really? hmm husband would never do that & I’d never do that to him”. I think its awesome you guys never fight :). We’re just both really easy going!
Post # 5
We fight, but only on the same couple of topics.
1) the dishes. this is #1. we seriously fight about the dishes at least once a week. we both HATE doing dishes and have no dishwasher. Plus, we both like cooking, so the one cooks/one cleans strategy doesn’t work without serious resentment.
2) music. He’s an indie music snob and while I like some of his music, i think music snobbery is about the dumbes and most annoying thing ever. (sorry to those of you who are music snobs, but his whole attitude towards music seems predicated on being cooler than other people). sometimes this spreads into his generally wanting to be cool and my wanting to be a big dork.
I mean, seriously, seriously trivial stuff here. I can think of maybe one or two fights we’ve ever had that aren’t on this stuff.
Post # 6
We don’t really either. He’s just so logical that he doesn’t engage. When I get upset he just looks at me, forgets whatever we’re talking about, and says, “What’s wrong?” and then I work through whatever upset me and we move on to what we were talking about.
J is amazing though. I’m super emotional, so he compliments me well. 🙂
Post # 7
We go through phases, but we definitely fight. it’s usually me who starts the fights. It’s how I communicate when something is upsetting me. Luckily, my fiance understands that, and I think we’ve learned how to fight better over the years. We’ve definitely made some major relationship progress through our fights too. Do I like fighting? No. But I’ve realized that I can be kind of a drama queen, so we’re always going to have fights at least occassionally. Right now we’re going through a good phase, and we haven’t fought in a really long time. It makes me so happy that we’re getting along so well right now, but I’m sure we’ll fight again in the future, and that’s ok too!
Post # 8
Entangled – That’s so funny that you don’t disagree over the actual music, just about his snobbery! I hate that though, I don’t blame you for trying to make him less of a snob, haha.
Daydreamwanderer – I can definitely relate to the emotional thing, I am super emotional, so perhaps we have similar complimentary styles like you and J. I have definitely gotten upset about things, but similar to your Fiance, he doesn’t engage and encourages conversation about things.
Post # 9
We used to early on and now it’s extremely rare. We’ve gotten really good at stopping it before it starts and turning arguments into productive conversations. I’ve actually heard it’s a big red flag if you never fight, so I’m careful to always express my true feelings, even if it’s not what I think Fiance wants to hear.
Post # 10
We fought twice in three years. When we fought we didn’t scream or yell or call name… but we stopped talking to each other until the next morning, to cool off.
Post # 11
I’ve learned to go calmly talk to him and tell what is bothering me before it gets out of hand. My Boyfriend or Best Friend doesn’t fight back, he’s just silent, which makes things way worse!! If I go to him calmly he seems to want talk about it over listening to me go on and on…
We still fight, but mostly over his grouchiness which gets me upset in the first place…
We’ve been together almost 5 years and you learn to do things over time to not fight and still get your own way. It comes from experience..
Post # 12
we disagree but we don’t FIGHT. We have a calm, rational, adult discussion about it.
been together 6 years and it’s still like that. I think it’s just how we are. We’re excellent communicators–more than most people thanks to a deployment+long distance. We learned early on to speak our mind, speak it correctly, and don’t bitch and moan unless you have a solution. and don’t fight mean–neither of us do that.
Post # 13
We don’t fight but we definitely have our disagreements. i think a lot of it has to do with how emotional we are with each other – if that makes sense. We have definitely worked on our communication skills with each other and that has helped us a lot. We wouldn’t be where we are today without those disagreements. And, I am finding out that another factor about when we argue is dependent on how much time we see each other. The less we see each other, the more we argue. Plus, his love language is quality time, so when we don’t have those few nights a week when it is just us, he gets a little sad.
Post # 14
I know its weird but we still haven’t gotten into a fight. We just think so similarly and we are both extremely easy going. That doesn’t mean however that we haven’t had challenges and strife brought on by outside circumstances. We both think its weird, and frankly we would both like to fight once, but for some reason we don’t, and we aren’t going to make up a fight so… I’m in the same boat… Thank you for making me feel more normal! 🙂
Post # 15
Wow, I thought we were weird. We’ve only been together 1yr and 6 months, but we haven’t even raised our voices at each other. I do get upset sometimes, but he’ll just listen and wait for me to calm down and then we talk. He will not fight with me, which is a good thing.
Post # 16
In the first two years we were together I’m pretty sure we fought only one time: when I said I never wanted to go to walt disney world and he thought i was being a snob.
no, really. that was it haha.
In the past year+ we have fought more, but I think that a lot of that is because the stakes are now so much higher. Before I knew he was “the one” I didn’t really say something if something he did annoyed me and wasn’t a big deal. But once I knew this was a lifetime deal I started thinking…. okay this is fine for now but if he does it for the next 60 years I’ll have to kill him so we better talk this out. haha.
And really, we DO have big fights sometimes. I believe it is because he isn’t a very “good fighter” and he tends to get REALLY emotional and defensive. I think I’m better at not personalizing things that aren’t personal and trying to work through issues. But… I’m biased 🙂 And it is definitely getting better. The best part is that every time we have a fight something gets resolved and its like… ok that is never going to be a problem again for the rest of our lives. nice.
Do I think you and your guy are a little weird? Yea kind of 🙂 But miracles do happen. I just hope that you don’t get surprised when you finally DO have your first fight. I hope you both fight fair. I hope you don’t think the world (or your relationship) are ending if you have a blow-out.