(Closed) fights over breastfeeding

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
3285 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

This is definitely an issue that needs to be worked out to a compromise.  Whereas he does bring up good points about health benefits, etc., he also needs to be reminded that it’s YOUR body that is involved, not his!  Would he be so enthusiastic to do it if it was physically possible for him to?  

Post # 5
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with krissycake. Breastfeeding isn’t for everyone. My sister tried with her first one but that lasted two weeks. She was just miserable and couldn’t get past it so she chose not to breastfeed the other child.

You have to do what is best for you and the baby. You could try it and if it doesn’t work out, then don’t feel pressured in doing it. This is something that your hubs needs to understand.

Post # 6
3285 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Yeah, it’s definitely a hot topic.  Another aspect to it is this: one of my friends was really into the idea of it, because she knew the benefits, yadda, yadda, and she was going to be a Stay-At-Home Mom for the most part, so it would have worked out, schedule wise for her, but try as she might, once baby came around, the breastfeeding experience was on the whole, unsuccessful.  She tried every method, went to tons of classes, and had lots of time and patience, but it was just a no-go.  So, don’t feel bad if it’s not something you’re able to do, there are many reasons why it just isn’t the best option for some situations.

Post # 7
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

What caught my attention was when you wrote “I am not thrilled about the prospect of pregnancy but know that’s the price of having a baby, but after 9 months, I want my body back to myself.”  I’m probably reading too much into this, but are you sure that you *both* want kids, or are you having kids just because he wants to?

My suggestion for you would be to sit down with a lactation consultant, doctor, nurse or midwife, etc. (if possible, before you’re pregnant) and talk about options. That way you at least have a third party to hear your concerns (medication, no place to pump at work, which is a *serious* issue in our country …) and your husband’s concerns (health of child). You might have other options as well.  Not too long ago, wet nurses were quite common* — a lactation consultant or midwife might be able to help you find a middle ground like that.      

*ETA: I’m not sure if wet nurses are still common, or if there is a modern equivalent.  It was just something that popped into my head. 

Post # 8
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Why don’t you go meet with some doctors about it and also some women who have and have NOT breastfed?Maybe if he hears a doctor say something about your medication, etc not being a good mix with breastfeeding, he will understand that it’s more than “because I don’t want to”. Also, you may change your mind AFTER you have the child. Most women want that connection with their baby.

Lots of people can’t/don’t breastfeed for lots of reasons. Their babies still turn out fine.

But, if your Darling Husband is super adamant about it…what’s the harm in trying? You may enjoy the experience. Plenty of women work and breastfeed, by the way. Companies are REQUIRED to provide you the ability to do so. Mother’s rooms, etc.The cost of formula every month would be in the hundreds–for that amount of money you may as well hire personal help!!! My mom got pregnant with my brother when I was only 9 months old and she had a nanny around to help her out because two babies were a handful.

Post # 9
773 posts
Busy bee

Ugh, the pressure to breast feed makes me so upset.  What he needs to understand is that it’s just not possible for everyone.  My baby was a preemie and wasn’t able to latch on correctly (a problem exacerbated by my flat nipples), and breast feeding would have required what I consider a superhuman effort.  I would have been nursing every two hours, which took about 40 minutes, then pumping for 10 minutes to establish supply, then clean up.  That’s an entire hour every two hours.  The reality of that was that I just didn’t sleep because I knew I’d have to be up again in an hour.  Add to that outrageous time commitment the fact that I wasn’t that interested in breast feeding to begin with.  I did it for a week before I was crying before every feeding in utter dread.  I hated nursing.  I pumped for 3 weeks and bottle fed the expressed milk, but my supply dropped to nothing, and now we formula feed.  Everyone is happier– my baby has plenty  to eat and I’m not losing my mind trying to function on no sleep– and I no longer feel like a dairy cow- I feel like a mom.  I would be PISSED if my Darling Husband tried to make me feel guilty about doing what I knew was best for all of us.  What is best for baby is a happy mother, not an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Post # 11
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I have a number of friends who never breastfed – but did pump and fed from a bottle.  not sure if that is appealing to you? I think even doing that for your 6 weeks maternity leave will be great for the baby. 

It is great that your husband is so excited to do what is best for the baby, but it is unfortunately not his right to demand that you pump yourself for a year at work – that is a huge burden and only something you should do if YOU want to.  Very very few women breastfeed for that long.    Yes, when you have a baby a lot of your life becomes theirs, but you are still a person!! Maybe you can talk to your doctor about this and see if they can recommend any literature to help your Fiance be a bit more reasonable…

Post # 12
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is definately a hot button issue. And people have very vocal feelings on both sides.

If you’re torn, or have questions about it’s effect on your body. I’d definately talk to someone, perhaps a lactation consultant at a hospital near you? 

I agree with the other ladies, in the end it is your choice, and you should not be made to feel guilty about it.

My personal experience. I breastfed both my sons. Both were preemies and in the NICU. The second (who is now two) was  very difficult. He didnt latch well (thank you god in the beginning for a nipple shield). I did not have any adverse effects on my body from breastfeeding. And I also went back to work 12 weeks after he was born, and I pumped for another 3 or 4 months. Did I last for a year? Nope. I think I made it a solid 6 or 7 months. Do I feel guilty I didnt make it a year? Nope.

Ok, yes, it is healthier for your child if you can breastfeed even a little.  Your breastmilk is natures perfect food (especially the colostrum at the beginning, which provides your child with vital antibodies) It’s cheaper, it’s portable, and frankly it relaxed me at night to nurse him before we both fell asleep. The feeling of warm baby skin against mine is addictive.

But if it’s not for you, it’s not for you. Motherhood already has enough guilt inducing pitfalls along the way.

Post # 13
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I *HATE* that you are getting this pressure about how to use YOUR body!!!!!!  AHHH….!!!!!!

I think most good doctors out there will tell you, if you want to try breastfeeding, try to do it as long as you are comfortable doing it.   And that’s IF you want to try it! This mandated timeframe is ridiculous.  But just in the last couple of years, baby formula has made huge leaps and as far as mimicking the nutritional benefits of breast milk.

If I were you I would do these three things when having this discussion with your husband:

1. Acknowledge his wishes and validate what he says.  Tell him that you understand and you value what he wants for your future children.

2. Explain the what a huge personal decision this is to you and ask that he acknowledge YOUR feelings and wishes on the subject.

3. Present research and medical data to support the use of formula – thereby giving your argument some basis.

Good Luck and I hope that you feel respected enough in your relationship to make this decision about your body and your family.

Post # 14
554 posts
Busy bee

My feeling is happy mom = happy baby and happy family

Post # 15
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I wish that I was going to be able to breastfeed for a prolonged period of time, but like you I take a medication that’s considered unacceptable to the baby.  I *have* to start taking this medicine at 6 weeks post-partum or risk serious damage to my health… which would in turn mean that the baby will suffer.  At 6 weeks the baby will have gotten a lot of maternal antibodies and good benefits from breast feeding, and I’ll pump as much as I can to get a few more weeks.

Yes, breast feeding is “best” when it works and doesn’t cause maternal problems or distress, but you have to do what is right for you and your family.

Please just read as much as you can, be informed, and then make the best decision for you.

Post # 16
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I can sympathize…my husband is adamant that our children should be breastfed and was surprised when I told him that I’m hesitant about it. I’m planning to give it the good ol’ college try, but I was hurt when he told me he thinks not breastfeeding is a selfish choice if there aren’t medical reasons preventing me from doing so.

My mother never breastfed any of us and she is one of the most selfless people I know! It’s just not the right choice for everybody. I told him that fear of the unknown is the major reason that I’m having doubts, and that I’m certainly going to try my best, but that this is MY body – I am not livestock on a farm. 

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