Post # 1
So lately I have had babies on the mind. My mom really wants me to have a baby, wanting to have a grandchild from me. So it got me thinking of all the women in my lives with children. One of my really good friends had a child about 2 years ago. She used to be a really independent women full of ideas and convictions. Well her and husband had no money when they got pregnant so they moved in with his parents. As soon as the baby was born they took over raising her baby. Literally, from his nap time, bed time, what shoes he can wear, even what the baby could eat! I could tell she did not like it. I tried asking her what her thoughts were on his parents deciding what sheos her baby wears, she looked at me so angry and said “it’s their home so they have a say on how our child is raised and what he can wear, as long as we are under their roof they have a say!”
Needless to say, her response caught me off guard. Not her attitude prebaby. I understand having a child changes women but she is like a doormat to her husband and his parents.
So my question is, is it normal for in-laws to have a say on how you raise your child? Would living with them change how much of a say they have in your childrens lives? Do your parents have more of say on how you raised your children?
A side note, my sister lived with her inlaws for a couple of years but she had complete control of how she raised her children, not in a mean way just in a these-are-my-children-not-yours way.
Post # 3
I lived with my in-laws and my own mom and DS is MY CHILD…. while there were plenty of times where my mom would chat with me about some possible concerns SHE NEVER over stepped her bounds… And while I lived with the ex-in-laws they tried but still didn’t push to much b/c DS wasn’t their kid… I did have to put my foot down b/c they tried to go against alot of things I was trying to instill but they didn’t pull the “my house my rules” thing… not with that anyways.
I feel so sorry for your friend… that’s not right AT ALL! Hopefully she can get her Darling Husband on her side and they can establish that they are the parents.
Post # 4
@runsyellowlites: That’s exactly what I thought! Boundaires! I just wasn’t sure if this was normail. I don’t have children so I didn’t know if maybe this was common to some people. I totally understand parents and in-laws putting in their input and suggestions but not taking over. But maybe other bee’s might see this as normal?
Post # 5
When I left my first husband, I moved back in with my parents with my 2 kids while I went back to school. I sent the youngest to day care so that my Mom could carry on with most of her life. The eldest was in kindergarden.
My parents never once tried to tell me how to raise my children. They supported me in my decisions. I am forever grateful to them.
Post # 6
@julies1949: That sounds like my parents. I know if I had children and needed to move back home for any reason they would support my decisions on how to raise my children.
Post # 7
I really hope they are able to move out ASAP.
I wasn’t in this situation, exactly, as I was one of the children in this case. When my parents divorced we moved in with my maternal g-parents for a few months until Mom could afford all three of us kiddos plus rent.
My grandparents didn’t even BEGIN to try and control how my mother handled us. It was her business. If she ever has/had a parenting question, it is asked. Ya know? I’m sure they didn’t always agree with her choices but they respected her as a parent. Maybe it’s because she was 30+ and had three kids over the age of 2.
Just sharing from perspective as a child, I think it would be really confusing for the couple’s children. Who makes the rules, mommy or grandma? It should be without a doubt, mommy and daddy make the rules, not grandma and grandpa. Hopefully they move out before the kid gets TOO used to that.