(Closed) FIL issues….

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
46677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Obviously you are really upset by your FFIL’s behavior. It may not be what you are used to in your family but he is what he is. His getting married in December 2012 however,  in no way steals your thunder from a September 2013 wedding. It is a full 9 months earlier.

Post # 4
1227 posts
Bumble bee

First, getting married is not a race, so in the grand scheme of things, it really shouldn’t matter if Future Father-In-Law gets married before you guys do.

Second, relationships, ALL relationships, are two way streets. If you’re finding out on Facebook that Future Father-In-Law is in Spain, I would say your Fiance is probably just as guilty of not keeping in touch with his dad as Future Father-In-Law is.

Third, what does “My fiance and I have strong beliefs when it comes to people coming into the US.” mean? 

Fourth, can you explain what you working your butt off has to do with him getting married in 3 or 4 weeks?  I’m not seeing the connection there.

A friend once told me, after I was deeply hurt with a decision my mother made (which had nothing to do with me) the following: “When we’re young, we disappoint our parents. When we’re older, our parents disappoint us”.  It sort of put things into perspective for me, and reminded me that there were lots of times that I hurt and let my mother down, and yet she still loved and supported me.  I decided then that regardless of whether I agreed with her choices, she was an adult, and I owed it to her to return the unconditional love and support that helped me get to where I was today.  Anyhow, just something for you and your Fiance to think about.

Post # 5
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@marlaina-saharic:  Asian isn’t the spoken language in Spain, in fact Asian isn’t a language it’s an ethnicity. I’m also not at all sure what her being from Spain or his father’s trip to Spain to meet her has to do with anything. 

I get being upset, since you feel that he is purposely trying to steal your moment, but you really only get the one day. you don’t get every day leading up to the wedding, nor the months after the wedding, just the one day.Everyone will have long forgotten about his wedding by the time September comes around, that’s just under a year from now.

I think you need to relax a bit, this man is obviously older and been married before, he’s grown enough to be able to make his own decisions.

Post # 6
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I see your wedding is in more than 9 months. Sorry, but I think you are being unreasonable expecting Father-In-Law to delay his wedding by nearly a year. He can get married when he wants. Weddings are not a race, and the two weddings will be totally different. 

Post # 7
14659 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@SeaSalt:  +1 on all points.

There’s no thunder, the weddings arent even anywhere close to each other.  So he’s getting hitched fast in a few weeks, that has nothing to do with your planning?  What’s wrong with legally bringing someone to the US?  “Asian” is not a language.  If his father has always bounced from woman to woman, that’s his choice and life.  There’s no reason for you to get upset about it imo.

Post # 8
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012


I know you are upset but you have to look at it from both points. You said you are getting married for the right reason so does that mean they are getting married for the wrong reason. I know it hurts but just think maybe  his father did finaly find the love of his life and this could be the begining of something great for him. like another person said your wedding is late next year so yours will still be very special. 

Post # 9
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My fiance and I have strong beliefs when it comes to people coming into the US.

she doesn’t know english and he doesn’t speak asian…

Why don’t you just come out and say what your really mean?

Post # 10
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First of all I not sure what you mean by people “coming into the us”. Second of all your Future Father-In-Law is an adult and has a right to do what he wants.

While he son has many legit reasons to be upset at his Dads behavior. Your wedding isn’t one of them. No one should have plan their lives around you, and they weddings are far apart.



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