FIL issues (LONG)

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
45551 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You don’t have a FIL problem. You have a husband problem. I would insist that we start living married life as a couple. For me, that would include starting couples counselling immediately.

Post # 3
120 posts
Blushing bee

Your husband definitely needs to “grow a pair” and speak to his dad–or this isn’t going to end well for anyone. He also needs to simmer down when you (calmly and rationally, I hope) try to discuss the problem with him. 

Post # 4
2234 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Yep, not a FIL problem, a husband problem.  At this stage I would be giving him two options: his dad moves into the addition, or you move out.  He’s not magically going to change, unfortunately.

Post # 5
459 posts
Helper bee

I mean, you say he can’t handle conflict but he certainly doesn’t seem to mind repeatedly coming into conflict with you and leaving it continually unresolved. He can stand up to you on behalf of his father just fine but somehow vice versa is just not in his personality?

Post # 6
3046 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Actually, you did, in fact, sign up for this. You’ve been living in this ridiculous situation for TWO YEARS and just got married a few months ago. The fact that you went forward with the wedding implies that you were signing up for more of the same that you already had.

I would be so out. You and your husband need to have a conversation and make a plan and some changes immediately or you need to leave. His father is a grade A mooch. He’s in his early 50’s! Your husband is allowing his father to take advantage of both of you. That would be unacceptable for me. To be blunt- I wouldn’t have married him under these circumstances.

Post # 8
435 posts
Helper bee

twilyte :  It’s good that your husband can now see his father’s true colors.

EDIT: I just reread your OP and noticed that you guys moved into FIL’s place initially. I thought it was your house. In that case, good for you for not putting up with this toxic behavior anymore and distancing yourselves! Let’s see how this ungrateful man enjoys having his other son pay for all his bills now.

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