(Closed) Future In-Laws Vacation Dilemma

posted 4 years ago in Travel
  • poll: Would you be offended if your future in-laws invited your FI to go on vacation WITHOUT you?
    Yes, I would be offended. This is rude. : (90 votes)
    69 %
    No, I would not be offended. This is normal. : (33 votes)
    25 %
    Other. I'll explain below. : (7 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    2872 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Yes, I would be offended.  But I think he should just go with them.  1. That avoids drama – he already asked if you could be invited. 2. Maybe they want to spend some time alone with him before they “have to share him with you forever” ?

    Post # 4
    1795 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Do they treat you well and include you most of the time?  If so, since this was booked before the engagement I’d try to convince myself that it is one of those ‘last’ family vacations things.  

    It would be nice if you were included in every event, and you should be from now on since you are engaged, but I would encourage your FI to go and not create ill will over this.  To make hiis point he might say “since we’re engaged now I’m looking forward to having ladychatterly at all of our future family events.”

    Post # 5
    7872 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Booked before you’re engaged – I don’t see any reason to be offended by the family. Many families wouldn’t invited you it until you’re married. Especially if they’re paying.

    But I also don’t see a problem with your fiance politely declining. I assume he only gets a certain amount of vacation per year, and they can’t really expect him to spend a significant amount of his vacation time away from you. He’s an adult, so he’s not obliged to tag along on family vacations.

    Post # 6
    709 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Are they paying? If not, I probably would just have booked myself right along with him and not even thought twice about it. He’s an adult, they don’t get to dictate what he does for vacation, etc.

    Post # 11
    8122 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @ladychatterley:  But maybe they would feel uncomfortable if they are paying for everyone else and not you. By demanding to come it is puttign them in the situation where they might feel they need to pay for you to be fair.

    Also maybe they just want one last family vacation before their son gets married?


    Post # 12
    7872 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @ladychatterley:  “his mom told him that he had to go since it was a family vacation.

    That is over-controlling. Perhaps now is time for fiance to assert some independence and just say “no”. How can they force him?

    ETA: the clash of beliefs (christian v atheist) helps explain things. As a Christian parent myself, I wouldn’t invite unmarried children’s partners either, if it involved them being in a share-a-room situation. But nor would I force my children to come – in fact we have gone on vacation without my over-18 daughter.

    Post # 13
    7564 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Since they booked it before you guys were engaged I’d be annoyed but not offended. I would be more upset about the fact that he told them you should be included and they ignored him. It sounds like they’re not being very respectful of him being an adult. 

    Post # 16
    1795 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @ladychatterley: So at least there  is no  overt hostility between you and his parents other than what sounds like the common emotion of “my son is leaving me and getting married – that can’t possibly be happening” along with a tad of “no one will ever live up to my ideal of someone who is good enough to marry my son (maybe over the religion thing)”

    The not treating him as an adult thing goes both ways.  He’s going to have to start ‘demanding’ that.  I don’t know if they were paying for his education, but even if they weren’t sometimes people really don’t cut the apron strings until after college.  The tension over religion thing is something that will either work itself out as he gains independence, or will be an “agree to disagree” topic in the future. 

    It sounds to me like they do want one last family holiday to celebrate many milestones.  It’s a shame that they didn’t include you,  as several of these milestones are in celebration of your FI, but I can’t fault them too much as it was planned before your engagement.  


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