Post # 1
Bees, I’m so upset for my Fiance right now and I really need someone to vent to. My car broke down a couple of days ago. Obviously not ideal timing, with the wedding coming up I have a million different appointments and things I need to do, on my day off today. So what would most couples do in this situation? Seems to me like sharing the other person’s car while the broken down one is repaired is the obvious solution, and we didn’t really have any other choice.
Here’s the slight glitch in that plan – Fiance works for the family business which is owned by his dad, and he drives a company truck. His parents have always insisted that he not ‘waste money’ on a non-company vehicle since they can use it as a tax writeoff, lump all of the insurance together, etc. They said before (at least a couple of months ago) that they were adding me onto the insurance.
So he gets to work today and his dad flips out that I have the car. I texted Fiance to ask when I should pick him up for lunch and he said not to come because his dad was super pissed and already made him cry. And my Fiance is NOT a cryer – I have actually never seen him cry, and he’s told me before that while his dad acts very nice when everyone’s there, at work he is horrible and screams and curses at them all the time. I am so upset for my Fiance, he is just trying to do what any FI/husband would do and make sure the wedding stuff gets done, and I’m sure he’ll be screamed at all day (7 more hours) over it. I feel so guilty, but at the same time it’s taking all my willpower to not scream at his dad, because my Fiance will not stand up for himself when it comes to that. It’s not our fault that he forgot to add me onto the insurance, and anyways I haven’t been pulled over since I was 17 – over 6 years ago! And never been in an accident. So it’s not like I’m a reckless driver. There is no need to scream and curse over it.
I know we’re eventually going to have to just buy a different vehicle for Fiance to use outside of work, and that they will pitch a fit about how we’re wasting money, but really, what choice do we have? It’s just so hard to keep my mouth shut right now, I’m so angry with Future In-Laws. And it’s so hypocritical, because Future Mother-In-Law drives around company vehicles all the time, she doesn’t even have her own car!
EDIT: Fiance texted me and said that his dad took him to get lunch and apologized (which is rare, I was surprised but relieved). Apparantely he just found out that one of the delivery trucks broke down and basically took his anger about it out on my Fiance. They’re adding me onto the insurance today.
Post # 3
Is the father possibly more upset about the insurance thing? I drove company vehicles for a long time and since my husband was not insured by the company, my dad didn’t want him driving them. If you’re working for the company you should be insured- if not, you shouldn’t really have the car.
Post # 4
@maureen9004: I think he’s equally upset about both, but since he told us that he was adding me onto the insurance months ago we had no idea it had never actually been done until Fiance got to work today and he just blew up. I even told Future Mother-In-Law that we were probably going to have to have me drive the truck today, and she didn’t say a thing about it, so we really had no reason to think I wasn’t added on. And as far as not working for the company goes, Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law don’t work for the company either, but they drive the vehicles on a regular basis. So he’s not strict about it when his comes to his wife or daughter, just FI’s.
Post # 5
Since you are going to be a part of the family I would go to the shop while he is there and say something along the lines of
“FI told me you were upset I borrowed the truck to run errands while my car was in the shop? Did I do something wrong?” And let him explain.
1) if he had a real reason you will get the answer (if it is the insurance respond nicely that you didnt now and that you thought you were added when he mentioned it a few months ago- then he will have to answer to not doing something he said he would do)
2) he will have to face if there isnt a reason and actually respond to you.
People are not used to confronting their reactions and if you do it really nice you will come across as concerned that he was upset and he will have to answer to you.
It works like a charm.
Post # 6
I like what @lefeymw: suggested. I know it wouldn’t be fun, but hopefully confronting him in a pleasant manner would keep him from being nasty to your Fiance. Hopefully your car gets fixed soon and you won’t have to deal with this for long. It’s strange that he’s ok with his wife and daughter driving the vehicles around all the time and ticked off about you needing to use it for one day. Is there a possibility that he has something else going on and the stress is making him blow everything out of proportion today?
Post # 7
@FloretteLiz: You hit the nail on the head! I was actually about to update – he took Fiance to lunch (they went together since Fiance is carless and told me not to come back since he was so upset), and his dad apologized and said that he just found out one of the delivery trucks broke down and that he took out the anger on him and that he is sorry. He is also adding me onto the insurance as we speak. Whew! Glad to have that quickly resolved.
Post # 8
I’m happy everything was resolved! It sucks that your Fiance was lashed at for this, but if he’s finally adding you to the insurance because of it then this may have been a good thing. Have fun doing all of your last wedding odds and ends now that he’s calmed down!
Post # 9
What lefeymw and FloretteLiz said.
Also, would it be possible to rent an economy car, like one of those $20 a day specials, or something, while yours is in the shop, so that your Fiance doesn’t have to go through this again?
I’m so sorry you guys have to deal with this, your Future Father-In-Law sounds like a bully.
ETA: Just saw you updated while I was posting. Glad it worked out!
Post # 10
Well My husband has a company car and I cannot drive it under any circumstances, even when my car broke down and I needed a way to get around we actually had to rent a car from Enterprise because his company is very strict about their company cars and if he went to work and told them I was driving his car he would be in big trouble. So maybe thats why your Future Father-In-Law is so mad.
Personally I think your Fiance should have called him in the morning to verify if your name was added and just explain ahead of time that you need a car and then see what options he would suggest
Post # 11
Hmm, I would actually take a different approach and I’d reach out to Future Mother-In-Law, because it seems like FFIl is irrationally upset about this. (It’s one thing to be upset for insurance purposes but that is an abnormal reaction.) Say that Fiance mentioned that Future Father-In-Law was upset about the car, and that you never realized it would be a problem, because 1) you were told months ago you’d be on the insurance JUST LIKE Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law and 2) you didn’t hear otherwise from Future Mother-In-Law when you stated your plans earlier. Then tell Future Mother-In-Law that you don’t want to upset anyone, and ask her what you should do.
I’d also suggest that Fiance look for a new job that doesn’t involve yelling. 🙂
ETA: Looks like it’s resolved. 🙂
Post # 12
It’s good that he apologized to your Fiance..but until you’re added to the insurance, you should not use the company car. It is really risky for his business for you to be driving it. If you had got into a fender bender or worst, his company would be hit hard with the obligations and a major headache. I know my company won’t even allowed non employees into the vehicle due to the risk. I hope that helps you understand where your future fatherinlaw was coming from.
Post # 13
The policy you guys describe is more geared towards your typical business than a small family-run one. They can asbolutely have non-employees driving the vehicles, as I said Future Mother-In-Law and FSIL’s use the company vehicles as their regular cars, and neither are employees. I understand it can cause insurance issues if I’m not added, but once again, we were told months ago that I was being added onto the insurance.
Post # 14
@Wonderstruck: Glad that the issue got solved…