(Closed) FILs and I rarely communicate…is this typical?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4006 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My Ftalkers to his parents at least weekly as well. What we do is BOTH thank to them. Get on a separate line, or on speaker phone, and be part of the conversation. 

Skype is great for this too. You can see each other and see body language. Skype is also great for sharing the planning. 

Post # 4
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would say just call them up to ask how they are doing.  Just ask about them and their life.  Start there and see how it goes!  Or perhaps email first?

 

My Mother-In-Law has called me on the phone maybe 3 times.  I never call her.  It’s nice when she calls, but I definitely couldn’t do it every week!  Every other month is fine.  We do email. 

Post # 5
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I talk to my FFILs a few times a year, when we are in the same state. They made a big deal of wanting to talk to me on the phone more, but never followed up. But I guess I don’t have a strong desire to be friends (mostly based on their pat history with me) Not everyone is super social and wants to spend time and chat with everyone they know. Some people are just not wired that way.

As for his sister, are you both on facebook? This is a good way for low pressure conversation. Just make a few comments or likes on her page, she can do the same to you, send her a funny email now and then. No pressure makes for the best relationships sometimes.

Post # 6
Member
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

maybe it’s just me but we are the same way & I wouldn’t change it for the world! He talks to & keeps up with his family, I do the same with mine. I used to talk to his family more until they started getting all weird & basically told me that I disappointed them & not who they thought I was after seeing some pics of me doing a pole workout on FB. After that mess I’m more than happy to let him handle his own & me handle my own. It’s really not so bad! 

Post # 7
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@philodendron: Before we got engaged, Darling Husband and I were living in two separate states. He lived with his parents in AZ, and I went to grad school in LA. Bc of my course load it was easier for him to visit me. Before i moved to AZ to be with him a year before we got engaged, I only seen his parents 3 times in 7 years. Granted I saw them a lot when we all lived in AZ. However, when Darling Husband and I moved to Houston, I hardly ever talk to his parents now. I think we average one telephone conversation every month and a half. His parents are busy, I’m busy, and neither one of us are phone people. We have a great relationship despite the lack of communication.

Post # 8
Member
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

I thought you wrote Fiance at first, and I was thinking “no, that’s not really typical” but FILs? Normal.

Post # 9
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

@joya_aspera:  Haha I thought the same thing ;]

@OP: I don’t talk to my ILs outside of my Darling Husband.  We all like each other, but I keep up with my family, he keeps up with his family, & share all that with each other.  We usually have dinner with our parents [seprately] like once a month or so, but that’s it.  No Stephanie/MIL cutesy lunches or Mark/my dad golfing extravaganzas haha.

Post # 10
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I find that email and facebook are a good way to keep in contact with ILs. My Future In-Laws live halfway around the globe and I rarely talk to them directly. I am not a phone person at all – my best friend also lives on the other side of the world and we never call each other – we just write each other long emails. With the Future In-Laws I also keep in touch via email and facebook. We see each other once a year and they are always super nice to me and treat me like family. So I don’t think you have to keep in regular phone contact with your ILs to have a good relationship with them (in fact, that applies for any relationship, not just with your ILs).

Post # 11
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Thats probably ok.

But if you want to talk with them more- call up his mom and ask her for such and such recipe she has that you would like to make and then update them with wedding plans. I bet they would love to chat with you more and this way you have an excuse

Post # 13
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Well its different for my Fiance and I because we live in the same town as both our parents and I am back living at home until the wedding. So obviously my Fiance sees my parents almost everyday. They are also close, we do dinner with them frequently and sometimes my Fiance will go do things with just my dad. He doesn’t live at home so its a little different. Back in college, we came home 1-2 weekends a month and I saw them a  lot and was really close with them (I could talk to Future Mother-In-Law about stuff I couldn’t my own mom, even though my mom and I are super close to) but a lot of family drama happened and for a year we only saw them 4-5 times. Now things are getting better. With the wedding approaching and for the past year, it has helped us get closer. I email Future Mother-In-Law a few times a week to discuss rehearsel dinner, showers, what we are up to, or whatever, her and I get lunch ALONE about once a month.. When his brother comes home (hes a student at west point) or his sister who lives across the state comes in, we see them more but also do stuff just the 4 of us (me, Fiance, Future Mother-In-Law, FFIL) about every 2-3 months. But we both talk to them weekly either via email, phone or seeing them in person.

Post # 14
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@philodendron:  Not sure how it’ll work once we actually have kids, but I’m currently pregnant, and they’re still not actually interested in talking to me.  Darling Husband speaks to them once a week or so, and we have a small apartment so I can usually overhear what they’re saying, and hear that they’re talking about me, and how I’m feeling, and when my appointments are, but they never ask to speak to me directly.

Post # 15
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@philodendron:  That’s a good question!  I am thinking they’ll interact more if there were kids. 

We don’t plan on having kids, I am not sure the ILs know this.  She thinks she can remind me that I’m not getting any younger, as if that will work!

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