Post # 1
So I don’t know if there is anything I can do about this but I just need to vent.
Long story short, my Fiance was previously engaged about 4 years ago (we will just call his ex “Vicki”) The engagement lasted only a few months when he found out she was cheating and he left her. They were together about 5 years on and off. Now my family and his family are complete opposite. My family is very welcoming and loving and close and his is very anti-social and non emotional.
His family has never liked me because I am “alternative”. I have tattoos, piercings, pink hair at one point. His grandfather even called me the devil at one point. I think because of that they cling on to his ex fiance. We don’t see his famly very often, probably once every two months at most, but EVERY SINGLE TIME we see them, they mention his ex. “Oh remember when we came here with you friends and Vicki for your birthday?” “This taco dip is really good, remember when Vicki made that really good chicken dip last year?” They even keep pictures of them together. She was a horrible person to him, treated him like crap, and cheated on him. I treat him like a king and love him unconditonally but they cannot see past that. It breaks my heart everytime we see his family because I know they do not like me. He has mentioned to them to knock it off and stop bringing Vicki up in every conversation and they just respond “whats the big deal?”
Now that we have been engaged and our wedding is less than 4 months away they still continue to act like this. They have not even once been excited for us or asked how wedding planning is going. Nothing. These are supposed to be my future in laws and they absolutely despise me for how I look. I have always wanting nothing more than to be accepting into his family just like he has been accepted into mine. 🙁
Post # 3
I think Fiance needs to step in & have a chat to them
Post # 4
Yeah your Fiance needs to step up and say something. I’m sorry they’re being like this to you. You didn’t do anything wrong. *big hugs* Don’t let them get you down!
Post # 5
all you can do is hope this passes when you marry him.
That or have a heart to heart with his family and him
Post # 6
I’m sorry they’re like that. I agree with the others, Fiance needs to have another talk with them. He needs to make it clear that you are here to stay. They need to know that if they continue to push you away, they will lose him too.
Post # 7
He has stepped up, mostly to his grandfather who had called me the devil. He is even debating inviting him to the wedding. We are both greatly upset by this but they just won’t stop 🙁
Post # 8
I think it’s really up to your fiance. You need to tell them STOP as they do it…just not take it….or even, if you two are with them and they bring her up, just leave. Explain to them it makes both of you uncomfortable and you feel that they are disrespecting your relationship and upcoming marriage.
Post # 9
As other people say, how does Fiance react when they mention Vicki? Ask him to put them in their place when they do, saying something like, “Could you stop mentioning that lying cheating b!tch”. But talk to Fiance, he may be just keeping the peace and may not know how much this hurts you.
Post # 10
why continue to go over there? tell your Fiance how much it hurts you and that you won’t subject yourself to that anymore. stop visiting the in-laws.
Post # 11
I would have your Fiance really sit down with his parents and tell them t stop bringing Vicki up. Not only is it very uncomfortable, it is very disrespectful to not only him, but to you. If after he talks to them and they still act like that, then you know you both tried and just move on with your lives. You don’t see them too often so it should be okay.
Sometimes there is just nothing you can do. I know it sucks but at least you Fiance loves you for you and in the end, that’s all that matters. My IL’s hate me too because I’m American. It isn’t something I can change. My Husband has tried to talk to them about it, but they are still kind of cold to me.
Just realize that people, especially of the older generation, have very narrow minds. Be happy with yourself and your FI!
Post # 13
@rosworms: agreed. Stop going there – Fiance can tell them that he is no longer comfortable there as they continuously ignore his requests to stop talking about his ex and he will not put you in that position again. There is no reason to go there, to be treated like a piece of garbage. EVER
Post # 15
Agreed that your Fiance needs to talk to his parents. Obviously he doesn’t have control over their reaction, but he does have control over how he responds to them. If I were in his shoes I would say, “And Vicky also cheated on me and cheated me like crap. Cayday, on the other hand, is loving and supportive and will soon be my wife. So please stop bringing up Vicky.” If they bring her up again or say it’s not a big deal, he should tell them that they’re making him uncomfortable and his fiance feel unwelcome, and that is a big deal and if it doesn’t stop you two will leave, Then do so if it keeps up.