- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2012
I just need to get outside my own head a little bit to see this situation a little more clearly and I was hoping to get advice. While I have been fortunate that my Future Mother-In-Law and FSILs have been really hands-off of my wedding (and not pushy whatsoever), I feel that they have been a little too hands off.
FH’s family offered to host the rehearsal dinner and we were extremely grateful, but we asked them to plan it however they wanted to and according to whatever budget they had in mind. I repeatedly told them that I would be happy with anything. But, his family has completely mailed it in and procrastinated. They picked a restaurant, but still haven’t finalized anything or sent in a contract reserving the room and the wedding is in just 9 days. I told them that I would be happy moving it to a bar and doing light appetizers instead, but they insist that this is what they want…they just won’t execute or get it done and it is causing me so much anxiety. Future Mother-In-Law kept telling me that the problem was with the contact at the restaurant and that she was really difficult to get a hold of, but today Future Mother-In-Law forwarded me a string of emails that showed that the restaurant contact replied to her almost always on the same day. I really didn’t want any part of planning this (other than offering opinions if they wanted them) and am disappointed that I am going to have to.
Also, at 9 days out, FH’s family is still changing their RSVP numbers. When I tried to have them call the outstanding RSVPs THREE WEEKS ago, Future Mother-In-Law just told me that she knew who was coming and not coming, so we marked it accordingly. Now we are hearing that there are a bunch of changes because she never actually called anyone (these are her own family members) to confirm. She was just guessing.
And after asking them for months to tell us if they wanted anyone special involved in our ceremony, Future Mother-In-Law told us just two days before we sent our programs to be printed that she would love to have FH’s little cousins involved in some way. I am not mad that she wants to include them–I wanted FH’s family to be included–I am just frustrated that she waited to tell me.
I emailed all the bridesmaids asking them to confirm that they wanted their hair and makeup done the morning of the wedding and this afternoon I was trying to figure out who I still hadn’t heard from–and, you guessed it, it’s my two FSILs.
They are wonderful people with very busy lives who will give you the shirt off their backs, but they have just proven to be completely unreliable. While they will literally drop everything and drive 400 miles to take an ailing relative to a doctor’s appointment when no one else could, they can’t respond to my emails or solidify any plans in advance.
To their credit, my FSILs have helped me tremendously by designing and printing all of the paper products for my wedding and helping with Out of Town bags and my Future In-Laws have contributed a very small amount (but what they could afford) to help pay for the wedding. They mean well, but both FH and I have been frustrated by their lack of organization and their procrastination. FH says he is embarrassed by this entire situation.
I know this will all blow over after the wedding, but I am really concerned that I won’t be able to shake this feeling in the future that they are completely unreliable. Am I being too sensitive? Or is it that I can’t see the forest through the trees because I am mired in wedding planning and details right now? Am I just being a brat and wanting a pity party? I am just feeling really down about all this and am afraid that I won’t be able to relate to my Future In-Laws the same way moving forward.
Thanks bees. I don’t want to vent to my FH about this since he already feels bad about it and he doesn’t deserve to hear me complain about them.