(Closed) FILs at wedding — how should I handle this?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
2956 posts
Sugar bee

An easy solution (compromise) would be to skip the slide show.  That way, you and your friends can be your usual selves while accidentally saying “crap” but the in-laws won’t feel werid by looking at pic after pic of you guys having a good time.  

Post # 3
Member
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

In no way should you ask your guests to be prim and proper at your wedding. People need to be themselves. Unless they are causing an unruly hell, his parents will need to deal. I suggest you both keep your distance from them and enjoy your day!

Post # 4
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It’s your wedding, it’s your life.  You are independent and you shouldnt have to walk on eggshells to accommodate them.  I’m sure they are used to “vulgarity” as it is around us EVERY day.  Do they not watch tv?  Just stare at the wall when they are home?  Do what you want to do – it isn’t your problem.  

Post # 5
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

If it’s causing your Fiance stress, I’d probably just cut the slideshow (although to be honest, I’m really not a fan of slideshows at weddings anyway). If the slideshow is really important to you though, then keep it in and just stop worrying about it. Who cares what your Future In-Laws have to say about it? Worrying about what they think really doesn’t seem worth it.

As for you guests, you’re right you cannot ask you guests to act any particular way. Your Future In-Laws sound like a pain in the ass, not having any alcohol and cutting the slide show (unless it’s really important to you) are as far as I would go in giving any thought to placating them. 

Post # 6
Member
880 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know how I feel about this.  Changing aspects on your wedding to make them happy.  The wedding should be a representation of you and your DH. I would trust your friends judgement, have the slide show and have alcohol if that’s what you want.   It’s your day, not theirs. those pictures of you making faces or having fun with a drink in your hand is part of your story, memories and reasons why you fell in love with eachother. 

Post # 7
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
cmm067: Honestly in my experience, those types of people will always find something, ANYTHING, to get offended by. Even if you forego the slideshow and everyone is on their best behaviour, someone will wear a dress thats cut a little too low, someone will dance too provacatively, the music will be too loud…there will alway be a negative somewhere. I say do whatever you want because it’s your wedding and you can never please people like that 100% so why bother at all? Be respectful (you’re already making it a dry wedding so that’s a good start), but don’t stress too much. Perhaps omit the really “party” style pics and only include nice, sweet ones in the slideshow instead.

Oh and PPs are correct…you absolutely CANNOT ask your guests to change the behaviour that is normal to them.

Post # 8
Member
4430 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
cmm067:  oh boy this sounds pretty grim all around…

The only thing I can really say is that it is rude/unfair/ridiculous to tell people to not act like themselves (within reason of course) at a wedding which is usually a huge party.. U don’t want to stifle your guests who want to have a good time bc two people will become overly upset… This is difficult territory to naviagate and im not sure what advice I can give u except perhaps have UR Fiance talk to his parents and try to get them to perhaps “loosen up” a bit for the sake of one night… Hopefully they can just relax themselves and stop worrying about what they believe is a little too much fun That might happen… 😁

Post # 10
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee

If the Future In-Laws aren’t paying for the wedding, they don’t get to control your decisions.

I’ve read in a number of threads, that a compromise can be reached by having the offended parents/guests leave the reception early (after the meal?), and then the bar is opened. That way you don’t have to worry about them being offended by loud music, dirty dancing, drinking alcohol, bad language, etc.

 

Post # 12
Member
862 posts
Busy bee

If my Future In-Laws didn’t want a bar at my wedding, they’d be sucking it up. I’m not a big proponent of “it’s your day, do whatever you want,” but this is ridiculous. There’s no reason not to have a normal wedding just because his parents are a little nutty. Are you really going to live your whole life without ever showing them who you really are?

Post # 13
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

The thing there’s nothing your Fiance can do to make the world cater to his parents’ unreasonable attitudes. He has to learn to stop worrying about it because all it’s doing is causing him unnecessary stress when there’s nothing that can be done.

Post # 14
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

Elope your 2 families are way too far apart.  On a side note have you and your Fiance discussed the vastly different views you were both raised with and agreed on how you intend to live your lives post wedding?  I am sure you have but these people will be in your life for a long time, disapproving of your choices, while your DH runs interference, that’s a very exhausting role for anyone.  Best of luck bee.

Post # 15
Member
30400 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You have already compromised by having an alcohol free wedding. Does your Fiance spend his days worrying if his parents get offended by people they run into at the grocery store, or a restaurant?

Your FIL’s are welcome to set their own standards of behavior for themselves, but they don’t get to set them for everyone they come in contact with.

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