(Closed) (ADVICE) FIL's gifted money for the wedding with a catch…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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futuremrs-s :  Then do what you want. That is your money. Not theirs. They can not control what you spend your money on. 

Post # 19
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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futuremrs-s :  ….I’m not even sure what to say to that. They don’t go on trips? Like seeing the world is amazing. 

I would talk to them. Let them know you will be taking the trip, if that is an issue, you need to know now. 

Post # 20
Member
5452 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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futuremrs-s :  

If that’s the way they are, I would keep receipts of the expenses that you paid with their contribution.

Keeping a detailed log could head off any issues 

Or, if they are reasonable, just explain your fears. Tell them that you are going on the honeymoon but their portion isn’t going to be used for that and that you are afraid they will assume that’s what you are using it for.

Or, give the money back and give them the bills to pay themselves up to the amount of their contribution

Post # 23
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

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futuremrs-s :  That is sad. Wow. 

It might go wrong. Be ready for it. But Just make it clear it is YOUR hard earned money going to a honeymoon. Not theirs. if they back out, and want the money back. I would rather know now

Post # 24
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m confused by the problem here. They said not to spend the money on a honeymoon to Ireland and you’re not..you’re spending your own money. To avoid any confusion maybe your Fiance should go to them and say, “Hey, when you gifted us the money you asked us not to spend it on a honeymoon to Ireland. I know this is a huge coincidence but we did plan to honeymoon in Ireland. We have budgeted separately for our trip and your gift will exclusively go toward wedding costs.”

 

Post # 25
Member
9391 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Yeah I’d just tell them that the 1/3 they paid did not include teh honeymoon–you guys paid for that trip on your own.  leave it at that.

Post # 26
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Are you planning on going on the honeymoon right after the wedding? If not then this is easier – book the honeymoon in a few months to “save up” after the wedding and then go. It would be very clear that it is your money, not theirs.

If you’re going right after I wouldn’t “rub it in” by saying something like “thanks for the cash, now we can spend ours on the honeymoon” but I might clearly identify what they paid for and thank them for it. For instance, my parents gave my brother a chunk of money to pay for the bar at his wedding so that he could upgrade the wine/beer/liquor to something nicer. I’m sure that money just went into the broader wedding budget, but they liked being able to identify a thing that they “paid” for so that they can feel good about it. My sister’s Mother-In-Law wanted to buy her dress, but couldn’t go dress shopping with her so just gave her the money. Yes, money is interchangable, but she liked the idea of buying the dress and so they just put the money they would’ve spent on it elsewhere.

Go on the honeymoon you want, make it clear you are spending your own money, and don’t talk too much about it with them.

Post # 30
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Wow these guys sound fun.

I have a question: so you asked them to pay 1/3 of the total wedding cost which you said in your update did include the honeymoon, right? And also, are your parents paying an even 1/3 of your costs as well? 

I understand that you planned to use your own money for the honeymoon, but if you showed them a budget including your honeymoon and they wrote you a check for 1/3 the TOTAL amount, I can see why they might be like hey um this money is for your wedding not 1/3 of your trip. 

Seems like a non issue to me though really–they said no trip with their money, okay keep receipts and show them that you guys didnt’ buy the trip with their money. Simple. This doesn’t have to be wedding drama if you don’t want it to.

The topic ‘(ADVICE) FIL's gifted money for the wedding with a catch…’ is closed to new replies.

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