(Closed) FILs guest list question?

posted 5 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 3
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@lestat:  I think that’s fine.  DH and I had a “if we’ve never met them they’re not coming” rule.  I really don’t understand the parents of the bride and groom wanting to invite friends. 

Post # 4
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Honestly if it’s your parents who are paying for the wedding than FH mom doesn’t have a right to just be adding people. I would politely tell her it’s family only and keep it at that.

Now if she wants to pay for those guests than that’s a whole other story and can be dealt with accordingly

Post # 5
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think you’re being totally reasonable. If the people who are paying aren’t even having any of their friends at the wedding, then your Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t need her friends there, either. Just politely tell her you are sorry, but it is family only. You could even say something like, “My parents also had to forgo inviting their friends” to kind of make her feel guilty for asking in a polite way.

Post # 6
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I agree with you. I had asked my FIL’s to let me know if there is anyone they would like to invite since we did the same with my parents.. my Future Mother-In-Law gave me several people, some we will invite and others we will tell her no. They are her friends that neither I or my Fiance have met, and that’s just not going to happen. I personally have no problem telling her no, bc if she were in my position she wouldn’t hesitate to tell me no.

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Say no, nicely.

Post # 8
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@lestat:  You’re making a reasonable request.

 

 

 

 @mchitt329: I totally agree! Fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves for the most part. My parents have offered to contribute a couple thousand and/or pay for our honeymoon AND have not made any invitation requests Or requirements.  On the other hand, Future Mother-In-Law has a guest list of people Fiance  & I dont know  plus no $ to find it.  Even if she did pay for her guests, we wouldn’t want them there because we don’t know them and we would have to add more than just the cost of a meal per person (another table, chairs, decor, etc.)

 

Post # 9
Member
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Not sure how your issue relates to a vow renewal.

Your in-laws are being unreasonable and impolite.

I agree with the solutions other members have advised.

Post # 10
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@lestat:  I think you are being totally fair and reasonable – its your wedding and if you want a small, intimate affair, then by all means you have to make your guest list accordingly.  I had originally tried to enforce a “if neither the bride or groom have ever met them, they are not invited” rule, and it started to give conflict.  Long story short, I gave in.  Now, I really really wish I hadn’t.  Things spiralled out of control with our “parents friends” guest list, and now we have 23 people coming to our wedding we have never met before.  So, based on my experience, my advice would be to try and be polite with them and explain your reasoning, but be firm with them that this is what you are sticking with for your guest list.

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