(Closed) FILs – is it just me, or was this the wrong thing to do?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My parents give a card addressed to my husband and I because we’re married. My brother gets a card from them addressed to him. His girlfriend is not included on the card. I’m sure if my husband and I were still dating, I’d get a card from my parents and he wouldn’t be on it. They have always reserved the joint cards for married couples. Not sure why, that’s just how some people do it. Don’t take it personally.

Post # 4
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

DHs family did this too until we got married.  I have to say that I was super excited to get the first envelopes from them with both our names on them.

Post # 5
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

FI’s grandparents just give each of us our own card with money in it (then even gave FI’s cousin and her new Darling Husband separate cards).  But, they’d never completely leave me out, and this is only my second Christmas with them.  Do they give you anything, or just nothing at all?  If they give you nothing, but give everybody else something, I’d be kinda sensitive about that.  But, if they just give you guys separate cards, that’s really actually normal because you’re not married yet.

Post # 6
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

If you guys are living together, I think they should probably either mention you on the card, or at least send you a separate card. If you are living apart, that’s different. Don’t stress yourself out about it though. Maybe if you send them a card, they will remember you too.


Post # 7
1212 posts
Bumble bee

I think that this would really hurt my feelings. I’m still just the “girlfriend” but my boyfriend’s family treat me like I will be around forever. They are even planning a trip to Newfoundland in two years and they just assume that I’m comeing too because it’s a family trip so why wouldn’t I be there?  After things like that I can’t imagine a family not even puting your name on the card!

So I’m sending you lots of *hugs* because you deserve some lovin!

Post # 8
3265 posts
Sugar bee

I think it depends on your status. Married or engaged I’d say you should be included. But dating (even if seriously) I’d give them a pass.

One of the reasons for being engaged is to pubicly declare that your relationship is serious. Otherwise they may just not know about your level of seriousness.

Post # 9
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think it’s something to get upset about. I honestly don’t even remember noticing these things when Darling Husband and I were dating.

Post # 10
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My parents gave us a joint card, and each of us got a gift certificate (they spent more on me though, I AM their little girl 😉 ). His dad sent us a card with both our names inside….no gift, but then again he totally forgot he even sent the card, and we weren’t expecting anything anyways haha.

Post # 11
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s just a card. You throw them out anyway.  If you care about cards (can you tell i don’t haha), I still don’t think it matters at all until you’re engaged at the earliest, or, more appropriately, married. 

Post # 12
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree it’s just a card and probably slipped their minds. BUT… I can also say you probably SHOULD get a card or at least a mention, too. You guys are together now. 

Post # 13
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Do you mean like when you’re at their house for Christmas, they give him a card in front of you and you don’t get anything?  If that’s the case… I would be a little uncomfortable also.  I mean, even when my brother has a “casual” girlfriend that joins my family for Christmas, my mom buys her a small gift just so she feels included.

Post # 14
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think I might feel a little left out, as both my parents and FI’s parents have always gotten us each a card.  Heck, we even both have birthday celebrations at both sets of parents house (they do a birthday dinner for me with cards and presents and my parents do that for him).  Christmas is no different.  We’ve been together for 4.5 years and it’s been like that pretty much from year 1.  However, after reading some of the PPs responses, it doesn’t sound too uncommon.  As long as they still treat you well, I wouldn’t worry too much about the lack of cards. 🙂

Post # 15
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We don’t just get separate cards…opening our separate presents is embarassing for me cos the same thing happens every year. They give us cards with money at the same time of present opening on christmas day….mine’s got £10 in it and Fiance gets £300. This happens year after year. Whilst i obviously don’t expect that kind of money from them….i’m never quite sure how to react given that we have to open our cards at the same time!

Post # 16
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would feel left out. I mean we aren’t engaged yet or living together, but we’ve been together for a long time. My family gets my SO gifts and he even has a stocking up on their mantle. His family gets gifts that are for the both of us.

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