(Closed) FIL’s make me feel second-class

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Girl, that’s rough! Have you considered incorporating some of their traditions to make them feel more welcome? Or asking them if they want to take part in hosting the rehearsal dinner? If you give them some little part, they may feel more welcome and be happier to help. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

so what happened at this engagemen party?, must have been one a shindig!

Sorry to hear that you feel that way.. Future In-Laws can suck. Chin up and hold on to your FHs hand… you can get through anything with or without them!

Post # 6
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

That sounds rough; I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I’m so sorry! )= But you know, as cliche as it sounds, as long as you and FH are together and happy, nothing else should matter. But I completely understand your hurt, especially because they are kind of neglecting you guys in what should be the happiest time of your lives! That’s really inconsiderate, especially coming from family. 

Perhaps incorporating one or two of their ‘old fashioned’ traditions might make them a little less edgy when it comes to your wedding. Many people fear change and things that are unconventional; perhaps your wedding scares them because it is something different and unfamiliar to them. Maybe you can offer a few of your Future In-Laws to do a special task, get them more involved with your wedding.

Whatever happens, ultimately you and the FH are all that matters. Stay positive and I’m sure everything will turn out for the best (= and if it doesn’t…well…who cares, you already married their son πŸ˜‰

Post # 7
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry you are having these problems, but from what you said, they don’t know that you are even engaged. I don’t understand why you can’t tell them. I agree that maybe offering to incorporate 1 or 2 of their considered traditions might help your situation.

Post # 8
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I just love reading and watching all of the wedding porn on offbeatbride.com. Even though my FH says that it’s not really like me to read that since we are a lot more traditional. I was just curious what will make your wedding an offbeat wedding?

 

Post # 10
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

That is so sad…

I am sorry that I don’t know how to help you. The best thing that I can think of is just for the two of you to elope and spend the money on a honeymoon that you would have spent on a wedding. Take a lot of wonderful pictures and then send out announcements when you get back.

Post # 11
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We’re doing some non traditional stuff too (about the same level as you), and my mom was a litlte stand offish about it, especially at first. I found though, the more that I talked to her about it, that she was actually more hurt by my REACTION to her suggestions (I was very critical, moreso than I meant to be, because I’d already rejected those traditional ideas) than by the choices I’d made.

Is it possible that you or your Fiance have unintentionally hurt their feelings by rejecting their input? I ask only because I know that is something I have done, so I know it’s a possibility, at least for me. πŸ™‚ When people get hurt, a lot of times their reaction is to withdraw and stop trying – which is what it sounds like your Future In-Laws are doing.

Either way, I’m sorry that they’re not happy for you! Hope you can work through that all and have a good relationship with them in the end. πŸ™

Post # 12
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We’re doing some nontraditional stuff too (and not a lot! just little things like getting married at the venue rather than temple and not doing a bouquet toss), and instead of ignoring it and not offering to help, my FI’s family takes every opportunity they get to tell me how “tacky” it is.

I just do my best to ignore it and remember that our wedding is about my Fiance and I and should reflect us rather than his parents. I hope things improve and that you are able to work through it all!

Post # 14
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I love sapphire engagement rings- it is all I have ever wanted.  I’ve never wanted a diamond engagement ring and it isn’t about finances I simply just like sapphires more!

I went to a jeweler today that evidently thought a sapphire engagement ring was one of the worst ideas ever. 

Post # 15
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

@misslaryss All I can offer is the advice that wedding are incredibly, earthshakingly important to all kinds of people, and in many cases, there is nothing you can do about it. I know what you mean about Offbeat Weddings – we are having a super-traditional, religious wedding, and yet my mother seems to think we are throwing some kind of alternative revolutionary hippie flower bash because we’re rejecting one or two simple old-fashioned traditions. Is there a possibility that there are other feelings prevalent among the family? Perhaps some reticence because you two are so young, and they’re wary that you may be committing too early?

Stay strong on the no-kids line, 47 tykes would be MADNESS! Good luck.

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