(Closed) FIL’s make me feel second-class

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 17
1209 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sorry that you are going through this! It is just terrible the way that they are treating you. I am doing some things that others would not view as “traditional” (getting married outdoors by a judge, wearing a tea length wedding dress, seeing my Fiance before the wedding, no garter toss, bouquet toss or wedding cake) I also want an adult reception with no children. The things that you are wanting are not that uncommon. It is your day it should reflect you and your Fiance. Good luck!

Post # 18
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Tell them together that ya’ll feel this way. I got engagedFeb 27 07, which was a tuesday. My cousin got engaged the saturday after. I hated telling my mom because all she said in a very mean voice (to my dad was) “are you going to say something or am I going to have to”. Fiance had asked my hand in marriage to my dad back in December and dad NEVER told my mom. Now what made it worse was that Mom never told anyone until 6months after we were engaged and made a HUGE deal about cousisn’s engagment. I got extremely depressed over that because I felt betrayed by my mom.

So after cousin gets married fiance and I set a date of Aug 09 in July 08 before we announce our date I finally tell my mom that I felt like she ruined my engagement. She apologized. A few days later we get a phone call. Different cousin (same family) announces she’s pregnant and getting married. (The other side of my family done the same thing, and my mom snubbed her nose at them, but this was her family so congratulations all around). So Aug 08 rolls around and we announce “We’re getting married Aug 1 09” We’d already told her and dad as to avoid a scene at the family BBQ we hosted to announce our date. She puckered up her lips and goes “I hope you tell your father, because I’m not” (mind you my parents are still married and happily so).

Well we get down to planning. I find THE dress in my home town. We put it up on lay-a-way. She’s supposed to pay on it once every month. I find out later that the store owner sold my dress because my  mom never went back and paid! So one dream dress gone and I couldn’t order another. I’m so embarrassed my fiance and I own a business in the wedding industry that depends on our local party and dress shops to get the word out for us. So we go dress shopping again. I find another that I love to pieces. She puts down the down payment again and pays on it once before letting it go back (and loses $250).

She finally comes out and says in March before we get married in Aug that there is no way we’ll make it because we don’t make enough and I can’t be married and go to college at the same time. She just doesn’t think that I can do it (though I know I can as I already help run a business, run my house 5 our of 7 days and helping take care of a person that is equivelent to a 2-5yr old depending on the day) I still live with her so she worked on me day and night plus gets my dad involved. And they finally bribe me with a college education until I gave in and postpone my wedding. That of course was by April of 09. Here it is almost Feb of 2010 and I’m still not in college like they promised. But I learned an important lesson and I’m getting things done for myself now. And she will no longer be allowed to pay for my wedding dress. She actually won’t be paying for things that I consider important and for the things she is paying for I’ll be watching like a hawk and checking up on it. 

After postponing I got EXTREMELY depressed and disconnected from everyone and stayed in bed almost 24hrs a day for 3wks. I had a break down. At which my father yells out me telling me about my “fat slob” who can’t provide for me, even though my break down had more to do with the stress I feel from living at home. Then the depression of postponing.

I’ve made it CLEAR to my mother and father that I will getting married Jan 11 and if they start that again I will go move in with Fiance (something we both feel isnt’ right). I’ve made it clear to them that they hurt my feelings and tainted one wedding I’d planned. And I’ve expressed my distaste in the way they see me. They were aware of what they were doing when it came to my wedding and they done it on purpose, and they got their way. I think the main thing was letting them know that I know that they manipulated me. Letting them know that they can’t do it again if they continue to want me to help them and to live with them until Jan 11.  point is letting them know that you’re not going to take it. And that even if they don’t need you now they will one day and you’ll remember the $hit they’ve put you through

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