(Closed) FIL's making my eye twitch (VENT)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Man, that’s a hard situation to be in.  I wanted a Destination Wedding too, so I can relate….

Try to just maintain your boundries and keep a “united front” with your Fiance.  Best wishes!

Post # 4
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t trust them either. Stick to your guns! I’d politely decline everything. It sounds like something they could hold over your head later at the very least.

Post # 5
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wow, and I thought my Future Mother-In-Law was a bitch.  I’m glad you were able to talk to you fiance about how you feel.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Gauging your eye out might solve that problem, but it’s not practical! 

I understand this whole scenario, we kind of went through that song and dance for our wedding too. Luckily Dh and his family came to an understanding, and they left us alone. It mostly stemmed from his mother feeling like she was losing her little boy. Annoying at first, but she got it, apologized, and we all moved on. Hope it turns out the same for you.

Post # 7
Member
8431 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t know- maybe they are just happy that you have scrapped the Destination Wedding idea and are excited that they can be apart of a local wedding.

Not everything people do has sinister motivations! Why not just give them a chance instead of trying to sabotague the realtionship when they are doing nothing but being nice. Especially since she apologised for her past behaviour!

You don’t have to acept the honeymoon- the fact that your Fiance hasn’t got the leave to be able to go is a very valid reason not to but rather than creating conspiracy theories why not just talk to them about the fact that the time isn’t right for a trip to Paris. Maybe they will let you take the trip in a year or two.

And since you are paying for the wedding yourselves when they give input just say thank you for that great idea/opinion/whatever but we don’t feel that it fits our vision/budget for the wedding. They are probably only suggesting things becausd they are excited.

Post # 8
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@j_jaye but from the sound of it they scrapped the Destination Wedding ages ago (before her Fiance stopped talking to his parents). I don’t know… I find it strange that they’ve suddenly come around. It’s fine to be grateful, but this is still kind of suspicious if they had that much of a problem with the wedding. It sounds like OP has had other issues feeling welcome by them if she said it seemed like her Future Mother-In-Law was hoping the wedding would not happen.

Post # 9
Member
8431 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@FloretteLiz: But isn’t that more reason to be nice and not suspicious if they are changing their behaviour and trying to welcome her to the family. I mean relationships are a two way street and the OP is kind of condemning them before they have even done anything (since the apology and getting on board happened).

Post # 10
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@j_jaye: I didn’t mean that she doesn’t have to be nice to them. I think people should always be nice to each other regardless of how they feel about a person. I just meant that she still has a reason to be cautious. Unless she wears her emotions on her sleeve being suspicious won’t do any harm. I guess wary may be a better term? I certainly think she should see this as a road to a better future, but I don’t think she should accept their change of heart blindly.

Post # 11
Member
8431 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@FloretteLiz: Yes I agree wary is a better term. I just don’t like how many posters automatically jump on the Future Mother-In-Law = b*tch band wagon. Future Mother-In-Law apologised and by the sounds of it is trying to make amends and get onboard and if OP goes into this with bad thoughts about Future Mother-In-Law in her head then the relationship is doomed from the begining and OP will drive herself nuts picking apart everything the Future Mother-In-Law says and does.

Post # 12
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I would also be wary. “I’ve worked super hard on planning and paying for this wedding on my own, I don’t need their 4th quarter interference.”– Absolutely. I think it’s too late in the game for major changes- you don’t need that extra stress.

Their motives may be sincere- however, I think it’s best to stay with your current plans. If they want to financially contribute to the wedding, gently remind them of the $1,100- that needs to reimbursed before anything “new” happens.

Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

@rebwana: I was just about to say this. If they really want to help that would be a good first step, and it would also require them to own up to their past behavior a bit. 

Post # 14
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@WestieGirl: YIKES! I am soo thankful my future in-laws are wonderful people I truly enjoy. I am so so so so sooo sorry you have to deal with this! Trust your gut and don’t take a penny. Best of luck to you! 

*hugs*

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