(Closed) FILs said they are shocked I want to marry their son

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Hon, you can do what you want – you’re an adult. Marry whoever you want.

But, please understand this – if you marry an alcoholic (which you are doing), you CANNOT and SHOULD NOT have children with him.

Only marry him if you are willing to be childfree, becase to bring children into this would be the most awful thing to do.

Post # 32
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I just read your other post… You’re seriously considering marrying someone who couldn’t resist getting totally wasted drunk when what he was actually supposed to be doing is picking you up from the airport in a city you don’t know and taking you to his parents’ place?? He’s a raging alcoholic. It’s insane to think of marrying him right now.

Post # 33
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

anonmenon :  Reading your previous post and this one, it seems like you’re in denial as to how bad this is. Your Fiance is an alcoholic. He has a major problem. I agree with his parents. I would put the wedding on hold for now. The #1 thing right now is your FI’s health. It is not the time to be planning/worrying about a wedding. 

Post # 34
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee

I think your fiance’s parents demonstated how much they love you by having this conversation with you.  They clearly care about you a lot. 

Post # 35
Member
9809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Its called tough love. And while you may find what they are doing and saying cruel they are coming from a place of love because they don’t want their son to die of alcoholism nor do they want you to ignore how big of a problem it is and continue on like love is enough. Love isn’t enough. Its just not. Not outside of a Disney movie or something you see on the Hallmark station.

I agree with the parents you need to put the wedding off until your Fiance is healthy and sober.

Post # 36
Member
2325 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

so I keep hearing the phrase, “control his drinking” being used.  let me make this crystal clear. an alcoholic cannot conrol their drinking. it is that loss of control that is the very nature of alcoholism/ addiction. someone who is not an alcoholic does not really think about ‘controlling’ their drinking.  you should listen to your future in laws and reconsider how you want your future to look. an alcoholic/addict will drain you, manipulate you, and then blame you. lather rinse repeat. they know. they’ve been living that hell for many years.  i’m not going to tell you what to do. i’m a recovering addict married to another recovering addict. we met in recovery, and are both multi years clean. people do recover, but they have to want to. 

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