Post # 1
It’s hard to write this without sounding bitter. Yes, I’m well aware that we get one day, that their marriage is their business, but the timing is nothing short of suspect. My Future Mother-In-Law has had a lot of struggles in the past with attention being focused anywhere but on her. Example: When my Future Mother-In-Law came on the tour of the house we just bought, her only two things to say were, “It’s bigger than our (FMIL &FFIL’s) house. *grumpy face*” and, later, when we asked her why she was pouting so much, she said, “I just couldn’t stop thinking about putting our own house on the market. This house is so clean and we have a lot of work to do on ours.”
Then there are the other suspicions I have. Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law have been fighting since the dawn of time. After they announced to us that they’re separating (nothing was said about divorce), all of the little things that his mother has been doing for months fell into place in my head. His parents are giving us a $20k loan to help out for our down payment on our house. She decided, months ago, to give us two loans, $10k from Future Father-In-Law, $10K from Future Mother-In-Law. Why separate the finances months ago?
Then there’s the fact that she started repairing the house for sale about a year and a half ago. She kept saying, “Oh FFIL’s health is terrible, we need to be able to sell it if he gets sick and we need to downsize. We can’t fix it up when he’s sick.” Future Father-In-Law has grudgingly started with the repairs. Now, it turns out that she wants to sell the house so that she can get her half of the money. This whole time she’s been playing the martyr (right in front of FFIL) going on and on about how he’s 10 years older and how she’ll be caring for him and she’ll still be young. It was nasty stuff, but saying it, we thought she’d be going through it.
No, I do not think that Future Mother-In-Law is trying to ‘steal our thunder’ or anything like that. I’m just upset that she has obviously been making plans to do this for months while at the same time calling woe is me to anyone who would listen.
My opinion is not helped by the fact that she threatened to divorce Future Father-In-Law in Nov/Dec 2010, stayed with her brother for a week and everything. I’m afraid this is just yet another scream of hers for attention. I’m really hoping that they do go through with the separation AND divorce and that everything is cleared up and no one fights at our wedding or any other event that we plan on inviting both of them to.
Post # 3
but the timing is nothing short of suspect
so you think your Future Mother-In-Law is prepared to get divorced for attention?
sometimes it take a lot for a person to finally hit the “i want a divorce” stage and walk away from a marriage – sounds like they have finally hit theirs and its been building for a while
Post # 4
Are you saying that they are officially separating now because they want attention? Really?
Post # 5
OP, take a deep breath. People don’t separate from decades-long marriages for attention. I know this may affect your wedding planning adversely, but showing grace under pressure will only endear you to your Fiance. How is he taking the news?
Post # 5
This post does sound a little silly. Yes she may have been preparing for divorce. I think when you’re in a relationship for a long time, you might be thinking about something like this for awhile. Also I think it’s really common to break up and get back together. Leaving after a long time is very scary.
More than likely their divorce will not be final by September. Prepare yourself for that.
Post # 6
You can want a divorce even plan for it, but that doesnt mean it hurts a lot less. She has put time and money into her husband and for it not to work can be hurtful. She is probably having a lot of emotions including anxiety, sadness, feeling of loss, feeling of wasted time, excitement, depressed, overwhelmed etc.
As an aside her comments about the house doesnt sound like she wants to be the center of attention, but that she was having trouble facing the truth of her own situation and future.
I dont think the timing has one iota to do with your wedding plans.
Post # 7
To all the bees saying I think she’s separating/divorcing for attention… nope. I’m saying that she’s said, “I’m leaving!” once in the 3.5 years I’ve been with Fiance. That time, it was 100% for attention. She also threatened to disown Fiance at the time. The cause of all of that in Nov 2010? We didn’t want to spend thanksgiving with his parents. I wish there was more to it but no. The last time she threatened to divorce Future Father-In-Law and disown Fiance was because we were “ignoring family” and it was the most pathetic cry for attention ever.
She’s not getting a divorce for attention. She’s SAYING she’s getting separated for attention. I don’t think she’s going to go through with it. She’s cried wolf so many times before I was dating Fiance.
Last we heard from them, they’re still cleaning out the house and the mom says she’s looking up coinselors. I realllllllly hope she sees a counselor and sticks with therapy. She has threatened to go to therapy in the past. We were excited for her. Then she never went and got pouty when we brought it up. FI explained to me that she was hoping that, when she said therapy, that we’d think things were really bad and fawn over her, ask to help, try to convince her she didn’t need one. Instead we were supportive and she got pouty. This was FI’s assessment because she’s done this same process a few times.
She has also said that she’s jealous of the way Fiance treats me. I related this back to the house: when we have something nicer than her (house, happier relationship, better stocks), instead of focusing on her own she gets mad.
I should probably preface all posts about her with links to my other posts about her.
For those who’ve asked, Fiance thinks it’s either going to be another cry wolf situation or else he think’s they’ll get separated but not divorced. He wants both of them to get help. He’s pissed that, if she’s pulling another stunt, she’s doing it right before the wedding. He’s mostly angry at her calling martyr for the past year about FFIL’s health, saying things like, “I’ll be wasting the rest of my youth taking care of him” and “I’m going to have to take care of your father for years *sigh*” with Future Father-In-Law just sitting there. Fiance is livid that she said all those nasty things to get pity and played the martyr and then decided to back out.
Post # 9
UPDATE: Turns out I was right. FI’s parents aren’t separating. It was just another pathetic cry for attention from his mother with his dad dragged along for the ride.
She did start seeing a therapist, but it’s not going well. She’s been going for 2 weeks and when Fiance asked her how it’s going, all she could talk about was her husband’s problems and how she’s learning everything is his fault. *head desk*