(Closed) FIL's side of the family

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
4799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t have done anything differently if I were him, and frankly I don’t think it’s a situation you can really understand if you haven’t had a close family memebr treat you this way – if you’re putting it in his head that you think he should have made more of an effort, please don’t. It’s the opposite of what he needs, which is you to be supportive of his deciison. He tried to reach out, his father once again re-buffed him…doesn’t sound like he even deserves to be there for the wedding day. He hasn’t been a father and it’s not the son’s job to get him to step up and act like one. There’s no need to keep the peace with someone who has made it so blatantly clear that they don’t care about having a relationship with you or have any interest in your life.

Post # 4
9591 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

My father passed away a few years ago and I am not close with my father’s side of the family at all.  My parents divorced when I was 16.  My mother at one point called my father’s father and said that your son might have divorced me but not your grandchildren.  So for 15 years, I really had no contact with my father’s side of the family.  When my father passed away, my grandfather would call me every 1-2 weeks to say hello.  He really only wanted to brag about everyone on his side of the family. It was the worst conversations but that’s how he always had been.

I knew I was getting married and was only planning on inviting my grandfather and his wife as a courtesy knowing they couldn’t travel.  Then my grandfather passed away 2 days after I got engaged.  We found out the day of the funeral when my father’s step brother called us to say that my grandfather has passed away (they are west coast and I am east coast) and since the funeral was that day, they didn’t expect us to be there.

anyway, i don’t think any of them know i am even engaged and i plan to continue to have no relationship with that side of the family for the way i was treated all these years.

Post # 5
679 posts
Busy bee

@hyperJulie:  I would have probably quit long before your fiance did. It takes seconds, maybe a few minutes, to pick up the phone and recite a few addresses. Your fiance’s dad is a deadbeat. Support your fiance in his decision to let it go. This, unfortunately, will be another of many disappointments when it comes to that part of the family. It is best if you all distance yourselves from them.

Post # 7
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would totally leave it alone. He knows his family better than you do. Clearly they don’t care, so there is nothing more to do. Just cause you share DNA doesn’t mean people should have role in your life. Even if it is a parent..


Post # 8
2374 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

The only thing I would have done differently would have been to ask ONCE for the address.  The fact that your fiance does not have that information and they have steadfastly refused to provide it to him speaks volumes on their relationship.  Being outside of this situation, you don’t understand the family dynamic.  I would encourage you to be supportive and respectful of his decision.  At this point, I would never bring up the sperm donor claiming to be a father again.  If HE wants to invite him to future events, he can. 

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