Post # 1
Okay, so this post is mainly about my Future In-Laws and how best to deal with an odd situation. My Future In-Laws were divorced when my fiance was 4 and some time after that his father moved back to his home town (6-7 hours away) and my Future Mother-In-Law raised my fiance alone. I have never met my Future Father-In-Law or any of his relatives and the first time will be at our rehearsal. We are inviting 10 people from his side (thats all there is) and all will be from Out of Town. We included them all in the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner because IMO that is the polite thing to do. We also included spouses/ “serious” BFs/GFs of wedding party. No we did not include a +1 for everyone but if they are married/engaged or their date is coming in from Out of Town we thought they should be invited. My Out of Town guests include jr gm, 2 flower girls, ring bearer, their mom and dad, and my aunt who are all flying in from florida. We have a large wedding party and his folks were aware of that. Our guest list came out to be 50 people on the nose including us and the officiant and his Mrs.
We originally planned on paying for the Rehearsal Dinner ourselves and doing a simple back yard BBQ/bonfire. My Future Mother-In-Law then offered up $500 to help with the wedding (my parents are paying for everything) and asked where the money could be used. We told her if she wanted to help with the rehearsal since that is what the grooms family ususally does, we would appreciate it very much. We then started to look into an alternative venue since the original was my sisters backyard and his mom would be hosting (that felt weird). We picked a cute little vintage soda shop and planned a meeting with the owner to plan the dinner. FH called his dad and let him know some wedding details (tux cost, room block price, ect.) so he would have an idea of how much it would be to come up for the wedding. FH then asked FFIL if he was planning on helping Future Mother-In-Law with the rehearsal and Future Father-In-Law asked how much Future Mother-In-Law offered to spend and he said he would match it (500). We thought great this is more than we expected from either of them and were really excited that they wanted to help.
Flash forward a couple days and Future Mother-In-Law informs FH that she talked to Future Father-In-Law and that they would only be paying for wedding party (hum does she know she isnt included in that?!) After FH told me this I was irate! We didnt ask them for anything and then after going to all the trouble of rearranging everything and getting excited about it they are going to start trying to call the shots? And tell us who to have at our rehearsal dinner? When 10 of the people are bc of FFIL?!
I told FH to tell them to just forget it and we would go back to original plan and pay ourselves but he wasnt so keen on this idea. I just want to tell them to be there as guests and keep them un-involved in the wedding plans because neither of them are reliable at all and say things they dont follow through with.
Any bees out there have any advise for what to do? Should I give in and let my Future Mother-In-Law cut my guest list/ choose who she pays for or say forget it and do it the way we wanted to in the first place??
Post # 3
Hey Date Twin! Honestly, I think you’d have a hard time covering the cost of a dinner for 50 ppl for $1,000.00 (although if theres no booze maybe). How close are you with FMIL? Do you talk to her on your own? I would suggest giving her a call and thanking her for her offer to pay, maybe even let her know that the soda shop cost would be and if its more than the $500 she’s offered, let her know her $ is going to wedding guests and you will be picking up the remainder of the check.
Post # 4
I’m sorry for not responding. I just had no idea what advice to give. I didn’t even realize we’re date twins until seeing the second poster. I’ll be thinking about you. Don’t Future In-Laws just suck sometimes?
Post # 5
This is why when my Future In-Laws said they would pay for our Rehearsal Dinner I just thanked them and didn’t hold my breath. In the end they did not pay and barely even showed up. I would say if you have the finances to pay for the Rehearsal Dinner then just thank your in laws for their gesture, but you will not be uninviting people so you and your Fiance will pay for it yourself. If this isn’t possible, I would suggest paying for the additional guests if that was okay with your Future Mother-In-Law and fits within your budget. I’m sorry this happened to you. Good luck!
Post # 6
Whats the difference between how much they want to pay and the actual cost of the Rehearsal dinner? People’s financial situation can change so if they have decided to only pay for the wedding party just pay the difference if you can afford to. Its still nice of them to pay for that and its still more than some in-laws pay for
Post # 7
When people open up their pocket books then they can open their mouths and have some control. If you want to be in control of the dinner then politely decline their offer and pay on your own. If he is worried about hurting his parent’s feelings then come up with something the money could go to that they could feel/be in charge of.
Post # 8
What if you took them up on their offer and paid for everyone else on your own?
Post # 9
Some additional details!
We didnt expect any money from either of his folks and were planning on paying for it but doing a simple backyard thing. His mom brought up giving $500 then his dad offered an additional $500 (they are divorced). The soda shop told us that the prices would run about $8-$10 dollars per person(very small town!) depending on what we chose and that would include non-alcoholic drinks (they dont serve booze) which was fine with us because we didnt really want alot of drinking the night before. Even if the price went upto $15 per head, it was still less than they offered even with 50 guests. This is why we were so confused about why it was a problem. My question for them was why does it matter if it is a lavish affair for 20 or a simple get together for 50 as long as we stayed under the budget? I did try to include both of his parents in the planning process because I agree that when someone is spending their money that they should have some imput but i dont feel that the guest list is something that is negotiable. By The Way the wedding party + officiant =30, his family = 11 and mine = 9 (two of which are parents of wedding party and 3 are flying in from florida!)
Thanks for all the feedback guys!
Post # 10
I’d have him talk to them about your plans to use the amount they offered to cover dinner for everyone and he should explain to them that it’s important to both of you that all 50 people be invited. If they still don’t go for it, then just tell them “thanks, but no thanks” and do the Rehearsal Dinner you can afford yourself.