(Closed) FILS Upset About Destination Wedding (long vent, sorry!)

posted 8 years ago in Destination Weddings
Post # 3
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think you should definitely be able to have the wedding you want, but understand and respect the fact too that it is definitely expensive for people to attend a destination wedding. How about letting your future in-laws throw you a hometown reception in Atlanta so that his family can at least attend something?

Post # 4
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sorry that you are dealing with all of this drama. It is completely understandable that you want a destination as it is you and your FI’s wish.

The only thing I would say is that with a destination wedding you can invite whoever you chose, however you cannot expect everyone to come. My Future Sister-In-Law is getting married a couple months after us and she wants a destination wedding. Between buying a house and having a wedding, we will not be able to afford to go. After all of the expenses we will incur, we just don’t have the money to go.

If you are okay with not everyone coming to the wedding than go ahead and have your dream wedding in Hawai. The only person you need there is your fiance! If you decide you can always have a cocktail party when you return.

Post # 5
Bee
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Al Cielo / La Laguna

*hugs* Stick to your guns.  You are doing nothing wrong and should have the wedding you want.

Are you having an at home reception?  If you are next time they start their whining fest tell them well don’t worry there are other who can’t go so that is why we are having an at home reception.  That is what we did. πŸ˜‰

Post # 6
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wow, that sounds terrible!

Here are some thoughts:

Is this their wedding? No. Do you want to look down the road in 5, 10, 20 years and say that “we were going to get married in Hawaii, but cancelled that because someone didn’t like it” and you hated the wedding? How would you feel telling someone close to you that you’re giving up what you want because someone is bullying you into what THEY want for YOUR day? Yes, I understand everyone wants to be there. Besides, are they holding the wallet? No. Do you tell them how to do things? No. That’s like walking into a grocery store and having someone come up to you and tell you the disapprove of the peanuts you’re buying because they’re allergic- um, hell no. lol! But they are not you or your Fiance. They have not wanted this since they were 8 years old (i.e., with a lil’ stalking, almost 20 years ;)). And now you have the opportunity to realize your dream. Many people (including myself) can’t have their dream wedding for whatever reason. Go for Hawai’i, girl! You two deserve it! Say “aloha” to their selfish heinies and go get married the way YOU want to- it only happens once! πŸ™‚

 

 

Post # 7
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I had this problem too!!! The FIL’s were upset because they thought that NOBODY would come and it’s too far, etc.  But they came around to the idea, and it looks like many ppl ARE going to be able to come.  There is this 1 aunt the my fiance says HAS to come that he can’t imagine getting married with out her there, but she wouldn’t be able to afford it. So I told him that we should pay for her.  But other than that, it’s everyone for themselves.  And whoever can come will come, and we MIGHT have a party afterwards if a lot of ppl aren’t able to come.

It’s YOUR wedding do what you and ur fiance want!!! Don’t give in to bullying!! lol

Post # 8
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

One of my pet peeves is unsolicited opinions.  Ugh!  I am sorry you are dealing with this.  I agree with the other bees that you should have the wedding you and your fiance want.  Destination weddings are harder in that it asks a bit more of your guests, but your guests do have the choice to send you good wishes and not attend.  I like the idea of a hometown reception/party post-Hawaii.  You can celebrate with guests who are unable to make it to Hawaii.  Show your wedding video if you do one or have some photos for people to look at.  But, the most important thing is that if your fiance isn’t worried about having this part of his family at his wedding, then there is no reason to make any changes.  Let them be annoyed.  They will get over it.  And keep telling everyone how this beach wedding is what you and your fiance have always wanted.  Just say it over and over, with glee and enthusiasm.  The idea that your mom “made you do it” will eventually fade away.

Post # 11
Bee
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

Ugh. That sucks. Yeah, at home reception. Sorry they’re sad, but it isn’t THEIR WEDDING, it’s yours. Do what you wanna do. I have a post about that coming up really soon. If they can swing it, it’s an excuse to get to go to Hawaii. If they can’t, they can shut their mouths and wish you well.

I’ve been told that if families didn’t have other people’s weddings to b*tch about, they’d be totally lost for conversation. Hehe.

On another note: My Mother-In-Law kept teasing us that we SHOULD have gotten married ‘somewhere exotic’ so they’d have an excuse to go on vacation. Maybe she was on to something there: Those who choose to celebrate with you at your destination wedding will have memories to last a lifetime, and that is really awesome πŸ™‚

 

 

Post # 13
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hey there, just wanted to chime in with some hugs. We went through this too with Vegas, it sucks. But it is YOUR wedding, do what you want and don’t feel guilty- easier said than done, I know! I finally got over the guilt part just a couple months ago. We were days away from booking our trip and his uncle was on the phone with him still complaining! We can’t go, we can’t leave the kids, etc. Fiance started to feel bad but I stopped that right there- his aunt and uncle have gone on vacations without their kids no problem and they aren’t hurting for money either (none of my business but don’t use this trying to guilt your nephew!) And to top it off, we expected no one to come! If you can’t come, no problem, we’ll see you when we get back! It’s just ridiculous. They’ve had their wedding, this is ours!

Good luck to you!

Post # 14
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

No problem! Glad to have helped. πŸ™‚

Post # 15
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Are we marrying into the same family and don’t know it?!  I totally feel your pain and I am so sorry to hear someone else is going through this!  My dream has always been to have my wedding in Hilton Head Island, SC.  But of course all I am getting is excuses about how expensive and inconvinient that is for my FI’s entire  family.  To top it off my Future Sister-In-Law has yet to congratulate me on our engagement…which should have been easy since we drove 2 hours to have lunch and talk about the wedding for the first time since the engagement.  But instead of me talking about where and when she immediately shows up and announces that she is preggers….fantastic!  This means I can’t have the wedding in August (my Fiance and I have the SAME bday so our 25th anniversary could have been on our 50th bday) and she keeps going on and on about how she can’t afford to come to the wedding…THEN DON’T!!!  AHH…thank you for letting me share in your vent!!! I hope your FIs family comes around, so far I have just decided what I want goes and if they don’t show up it will probably make my day that much better!

Post # 16
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

@XUGRADx2: Your Future Sister-In-Law is pregnant, not dying.  She can either attend the wedding or she can’t.  Using the baby as a thinly veiled excuse to not attend and then guilt you for it is petty.  I think your date is SO cute, and what a great plan for your 50th B-day/25th Anniversary!  I say do it anyway.  Honestly, will it make a difference in 10 years that she wasn’t at the wedding?  No.  I promise, it won’t.

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