- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2010
So I was cheated on VERYYY badly when I was 17. I trusted the dude with my heart and dumped him immediately after finding out about his infidelity and a few years of a close relationship. I had never felt so utterly betrayed in my life. Every relationship suffered after that from my insecurities of not being good enough, of my partner wanting someone else instead of me. I became paranoid, and would look for clues of cheating. I didn’t trust anyone fully who I became romantically involved with.
After 3 years or so, I became less paranoid, but would have relentlessly nagging incorrect gut feelings. My intuition was so crazy off. I’d feel fine for a while, then for no reason I’d feel nervous and put my guard up. This followed me into my marriage. Less so than ever before, but insecurity still lurked. I knew what was going on in my head wasn’t right. I did online research, I talked on forums, I talked to my friends. I learned to enjoy life and not worry about what may or may not happen. I cannot control every situation I am in. If or when something ever happened, life goes on. Loving yourself first is key to relying on yourself and knowing you can do well and enjoy life to its fullest regardless of your situation. I have been doing well mentally for awhile.
Today, hubby came home from class, hands me his phone and says, “Read this horrible conversation. From top to bottom.” It’s a text convo between him and his friend. His friend tells my hubby that one of hubbys exes wants his number, and that she was cool with giving my hubby her number, so her # was enclosed in the text from his friend. Hubby responds back, “Thanks for asking first instead of giving it to her. Dont give her my number.” His friend responds back, “I figured as much.” I asked if he planned on contacting her, and he laughed and said, “Hell no! Nothing good could come out of that. It’s a shitty situation to begin with.” For once in my life, I didnt feel sick to my stomach wondering if he would go behind my back and talk to her. I wanted to cry tears of joy. I hugges him and told him how much I appreciated him being honest with me because it means so much to me considering my past.
I am feeling so incredibly blessed to be married to a man who can help me feel secure. I never once blamed him for cheating. I never thought he really would cheat, but my fear overtook my rationality. I am also feeling so proud and happy of myself for working hard and learning to enjoy life more. It is a massive victory. I am enjoying life how it is meant to be enjoyed: by taking in the small moments and dealing with things as they come. I wanted to share this with you, because you all helped me through my irrational thoughts many times on my main account.
Cheers and so much happiness and many thanks for listening and responding in my times of need. I love how helpful you have all been to me without judging me!