Post # 1
I have been browsing pinterest and the world wide web for wedding ideas ever since WB started hinting at a proposal. I finally decided to officially join since he proposed to me over the weekend! I am completely overjoyed and a little overwhelmed.
We have already decided on an intimate wedding in the mountains with our families and close friends. We have also already reached our first speed bump.
WB and I had wanted to leave straight from the wedding to our honeymoon and have a big reception for everybody when we got home. However, the soon to be mother-in-law is asking for a small private reception at out honeymoon location. How can I politely tell her we don’t want to pay for two receptions, even with the first one being small, and that we don’t necessarily want our parents to be staying at the same place we are for our honeymoon? Am I being too harsh already!?
Post # 3
I don’t think that’s too harsh. I think saying that you’d like to take a few days to spend together as a newly married couple but will be excited to celebrate with them when you get back is fine. Good luck!
Post # 4
@bmrhodes: I agree with the PP. Maybe ya’ll can come to a compromise? What if she offered to pay for half or all of it? Or maybe do a dinner? Do you live near the mountains, or is this a bit of a distance for your guests? The only reason I’m not saying to just do what you want is because if I had to drive for a wedding, I’d like to be able to stay a little longer than just the ceremony. If you haven’t booked anything yet, maybe have it earlier in the day so the reception would be over in time for everyone to go home and you won’t have to worry about your parents staying in the same place? Or maybe they could book a room somewhere that isn’t your honeymoon location? I’m sure a compromise can be found, but if you really just don’t want a reception there then don’t have one!
Post # 5
i don’t really understand what’s going on…
But I had to attend a destination wedding (Maui) last year for a family member ‘s DH’s. They arrived the day before the wedding, and throughout her planning she made it clear that they were leaving directly from the wedding to an undisclosed location and not speaking to anybody, and were planning the reception when they got home. Not to be harsh, but I pretty much thought this was the most pointless thing in the world. It cost us $5000 to get to the location/accommodations. I really felt like if she really just wanted the backdrop, she should have had a small ceremony at home and packed her wedding dress for their own private photoshoot at the destination or eloped if she didn’t actually want to spend any time with her guests.
The followup reception was kind of an extra kick at the guests that actually made the effort to get themselves to the real wedding location, that made it seem even more unnecessary.
If you mountains are relatively local, then disregard, but just a guest perspective.
Post # 6
Will any of your guests be travelling to your wedding?
This would mean they would have to travel twice with twice the expense.
Is there a reason that you and Fiance don’t want to have the reception immediately following the ceremony? Is it that you want the special mood of the ceremony to extend immediately to the honeymoon without the party intervening?
I do agree with you that I wouldn’t want Future Mother-In-Law planning a reception for the same location as your honeymoon.
Is there room for compromise? Could you and Fiance leave after the ceremony for just one night on your own (somewhere nearby) then return the next day for a reception -perhaps brunch -so your guests can return home at a decent hour?
Post # 7
We attended a destination wedding in Mexico this year, and I think the way they handled it was really great. Everyone arrived on the Sunday…the wedding was on the Thursday and they had the ceremony and reception like “normal”. The following Sunday (one week after arrival) we flew home. A few people extended their trip and to avoid having to honeymoon with your family-they just swtiched resorts. so on the last Sunday when most were going home, they left to a more private couples resort for an extra week. Perfect!
Post # 8
Thanks everyone for answering! I really appreciate the different opinions! I should have made some things clear…
My Fiance and I are from a very small town. We both have very small, but close-knit families. From the beginning we knew we wanted a small intimate wedding with mostly family. We both love the mountains and thought it would be the perfect place since we aren’t very far from there. It’s about an hour drive from our home to the venue we are looking at. This isn’t bad because most of us have to drive an hour to work or school. Our plan, as of now, is to have the family and the wedding party (if we have one) drive up with us the day before for rehearsal and dinner (expenses paid of course). Then we could all ride together to the wedding. We are planning on booking the place for an extra hour to do pictures with everyone after the wedding. We thought about starting the wedding at around 12 or 1 so if anyone did decide to drive up the day of it wouldn’t be a bad drive. Any suggestions on a time are greatly appreciated as well! 🙂
After the wedding we planned to leave and spend the rest of the weekend at the Dillard House in Dillard, GA. It’s about 2 hours from the wedding and it’s also where the Future Mother-In-Law wanted to do the small reception.
For the reception, we are planning something in our hometown. This way everyone gets to come party with us later, but we still get the intimate wedding. It’s a big farming community and we have actually already had someone offer us their hay barn for a big outdoor reception!
Any other suggestions are greatly appreciated!!
Post # 9
Here’s the thing. The reception is a thank you to the guests for attending the ceremony, so you need to do SOMETHING immediately following. Why not have cake and punch/champagne or just a light lunch afterward? At that time of day people will expect lunch anyway. I would skip the rehearsal and dinner (rehearsals are almost always unnecessary) and host lunch after the wedding instead. That would also save you from having to host everyone the night before.
And frankly I think your Mother-In-Law is insane for wanting to do a recepton at your honeymoon location, especially if it’s 2 more hours away!
Post # 10
@bmrhodes: I don’t think that’s harsh. I’d say something like as newlyweds, we want time to be alone. I don’t understand why she would ultimately want three receptions. Or am I getting it confused? One in the mountains, one the day after the wedding 2 hours away, then one in your hometown?
Post # 11
I agree with @oneofthesethings:. I think you should do something for the guests. It would be very odd for the immediate families to travel to the ceremony, then the couple leaves, and everyone is just left there. I guess if you are really set on leaving immediately from the reception, your Future Mother-In-Law could plan a small reception/after ceremony lunch for everyone who did attend. You won’t be there so it won’t matter what she plans, right?
Post # 12
@oneofthesethings: I really like the idea of skipping the day before and doing something the day of. I was starting to get worried about paying for everyone to stay and eat the night before and a family reception after the wedding AND a big reception at home!
@ChuckNorris: As it stands now, it would be the rehearsal and dinner in the mountains the night before, the small reception at Dillard (2 hrs from the wedding) and a big one at home. But I really do like the idea of skipping the rehearsal and just going to eat after the wedding with the family and any other guests. Then have a big reception later for our home town folks.
Post # 13
@bmrhodes: Maybe you could talk her into paying for a small reception in the same area as the wedding? And then you and your Fiance could run off to your honeymoon.
Post # 14
Sorry! Just saw your update!