Post # 1
My SO and I are finally engaged!!! We couldn’t be happier after almost nine years of being together I honestly didn’t think it could get any better but it has!
The proposal was perfect the ring is perfect and we are both incredibly excited, but neither of our families really care. The only one even a little excited is my dad, everyone else thinks we should just elope and not bother with a wedding and it is breaking my heart. I don’t want a big wedding, just something fun and laid back and relaxed we want to get married as close to our 10 year anniversary so I want it to be a celebration and just a fun time.
I am hoping some of the lack of enthusiasm from my stepmom is the fact my sister’s wedding is in about 5 weeks, but it has been really hard. We have talked a few times since SO and I got engaged (about a month ago) and it’s just so hard to even talk to her. She told me we should get married in his backyard (Which is ridiculous! There is a massive metal chicken coop and falling down storage barns everywhere it’s a mess, I don’t want chickens at my wedding! Let alone goats! ) so we can save money and keep it low key. But then she starts obsessing over how the floors at my sister’s wedding venue aren’t brand new and how the pergola needed some touch up paint, but at least the lawns are perfectly manicured. And to make it worse my parents just left and are spending the next year sailing down to Florida, so I don’t know if she will be able to come dress shopping….
I just don’t know what to do, my SO wants me to be happy he doesn’t really have a preference at this point I think that will change in time, but the two people I thought would be giddy about it just don’t care. His brother and sister didn’t even say anything when we saw them yesterday. But then his mom spent the afternoon showing his brothers girlfriend pictures from her wedding and gushing over the dress and flowers and images.
I have been waiting to marry my best friend practically from the day we met dreaming about saying I Do and our first dance and seeing all of our families come together and I just don’t know how to feel or what to do.
Anyone please I need advice!!
Post # 2
I’m in a comparable situation. My fiance and I got engaged a while ago, and he’s an only child. One would imagine that his mom would be excited that her only kid is getting married; however, the only excitment she has shown is over helping make bouquets. Other than her saying that she can help if we do our own fake flower arrangements, all she’s done is tell us what we HAVE to do for our wedding…where it HAS to be, who HAS to be invited, where we can live and when, how we’re going to raise our kids….it’s completely opposite of what one would expect.
My parents aren’t overly excited either. They’re super happy for us, but they suggested we elope because that’s what they did and then we would be able to avoid any drama that would happen.
It’s upsetting when you have all the excitement in the world and those closest to you don’t really share it.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
If it makes you feel any better, when I called my Mom to tell her I was getting married, she simply said “well, [insert name of high school boyfriend] gave you a promise ring. Are you SURE this isn’t just the same thing?” My Dad never offered any congratulations. In fact, he never really said anything about it. Neither did my brother. He just said “oh”.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
Our parents dont care either, honestly in my experience the bride and groom are the only ones really super excited about the details and stuff, especially the older you are I think.
It doesn’t mean they aren’t happy for you, and I’m sure on the actual day they will enjoy themselves and be excited for you.
Post # 5
Glad to see I am not the only one dealing with a bit of under excitement, I guess it’s just not want I expected. After years of our parents saying just do it already why are you still waiting I thought it would be different. We are only 23 but we have been together for almost 9 years. I guess I am just conflicted at this point I don’t even know if we are going to have an actual wedding. I guess time will tell.
Post # 6
I hate to sound like a downer (congrats by the way!), but you guys have been together for 9 years. My FI’s family is having the same reaction to his sisters engagement (older, second marriages and have been discussing marriage since earlier last year). I don’t think it’s a place of negativity, more just being used to you guys together and not being surprised.
It’s not an uncommon reaction, and it’s not a negative one. We tend to think everyone is as excited about our engagement as we are, which is just not the case. Everyone is different.
Post # 7
We became engaged a week ago. My dad already knew it was happening because my Fiance told him. I had spoken to my mum months earlier saying we were planning on becoming engaged sometime this year.
After the proposal my dad called the day after, I told him, no congratulations or anything. I literally only just got off the phone to my mum (a week after proposal) and she congratulated us.
His family seemed more excited though, messages of love and congratulations from all angles! I think maybe it’s because my family basically knew it was coming anyway so they weren’t surprised in the slightest. I don’t think he had really mentioned it to his folks, or anyone else.
Post # 8
I’ve had the same kind of reaction from our families. My family just generally seem very meh about the whole thing. They are all happy for us, but I think they just wont be as excited as we are. My fiances family have had a less than positive reaction, in the first couple of months Future Mother-In-Law made it obvious she wasn’t happy and kept calling Fiance telling him how disappointed the family was and how his grandparents are so unhappy about it all, questioning our finances and if we can even afford it. They are less negative now but no one ever asks about it, no one ever wants to know how its going and if I bring up anything they change the subject and are all very uninterested. I dont mind because I know that it doesn’t even matter what any of them feel on the day, only what me and my fiance feel – as it is OUR wedding and celebrating our love.
I’m sure you have a wonderful wedding party who are super excited, so just focus on wedding planning with them 🙂
Post # 9
TWifeit: usually when it gets closer to the wedding, the excitement from everyone builds.
i know it’s disappointing when people you expect to be excited are not. i’ve had my fair share of that too with some others when we got engaged. it hurt. but i also realized life goes on for everyone else, and as everyone says, no one will be as excited for your wedding as you are.
Post # 10
This could be off base, but maybe they’re acting like they don’t care because you’ve been together 9 years and so it’s not a huge surprise. They always knew you’d get engaged.
Sometimes it’s also hard for parents to accept their child getting married
Just wanted to say I can relate. Neither of my parents were excited (mom said my FI’s proposal sucked, dad automatically said weddings were a waste of money, etc). I am visiting my dad now and he didn’t acknowledge my engagement at all until my stepmom said something lol.
Post # 11
Thanks everyone! I think part of the issue is we are normally so private about everything that my parents didnt expect us to be all open and bubbly about it. I think being nervous about planning something is making more worried than anything else and trying to figure out how to get my mom involved while she isnt evenon dry land!
Sorry to hear others are having the same issue, I hope everything works out for everyone!