- 5 years ago
Hi Bees, I’ve been dating my SO for 3.5 yrs (31&32y/o, I have A DS, 10 who lives with us). SO is naturally very noncommunicative re feelings (ex army), and will avoid any relationship talks with sheer panic.
I warned him 6months ago that we were going to have a serious chat about moving forward, to give him time to think/prepare (as he totally clams up otherwise). We spoke today, and it went much better than I thought. He initially said he would look at getting engaged in 12-24 months.
I told him that for me, with a child, in my situation, I wasn’t comfortable waiting that long. He quickly amended it to getting engaged in the next 12 months. I was really clear with my timeline (7 months- our house lease is up in Jan) and said that id hope to see some serious moves towards engagement by January (ring shopping maybe?) or I wasn’t comfortable resigning the lease. I made my timeline really clear, and he said that he understands, and will seriously consider it.
I think that keeping it logical really helped him to see my point. I explained that I love him and want to be with him, but right now am banking a lot on a vague promise of ‘sometime soon’, and that I was holding off on work/life opportunities on the premise that we would be together long term (taking on better paying jobs out of our region, or buying an investment place etc).
I also clarified that my DS needs structure, and the last thing I want is for SO to decide that he doesn’t want committment after all, while DS is in his teens. My mom had a series of boyfriends that didn’t stick around when I was a kid, and the inconsistency isn’t nice. I want that commitment and knowledge that we are a family and a team, long term.
I feel so much better now I have a timeline, and knowing that it is really clear to SO what I want and when. If it turns out not to happen in the next year, at least I’ll know I did everything I could to make it work, and I can move forward with a clear conscience.
Sorry, ive realised that this isn’t really a question, more of a happy vent (if those exist?), but gosh, just knowing where I stand is wonderful.