Post # 1
Hello ladies! So I’ve read all of these posts for a few months, looking for some support. I decided it’s time I finally reach out and join the conversation. My decision to join the conversation coincides with my recent decision that either my boyfriend proposes soon, or I’m done. Patience is a virtue (hence my chosen name), and it’s one of my greatest weaknesses. But, I have been quite patient, and my boyfriend has even told me so. My patience only lasts so long, however.
I do think it’s coming soon. Well, correction, I hope and pray it’s coming soon. Because I’m about at my wits end and can’t really take it much longer. (He has continually set deadlines that he has not met – a girl can only handle that so many times).
I’ve gotten myself in trouble recently by asking too many questions. Essentially, he felt like he had to tell me the plan because nothing else would comfort me – then he couldn’t follow through with the plan because it was no longer a surprise. He felt jipped out of something he was so excited about and had put so much thought into.
So – I joined this site because I need to make a pledge to others in my position that I will keep my mouth shut! To him, to friends, to family. People ask me about this literally every day. His friends ask him about it literally every day. And every time someone asks me about it, I get the pity eyes. It all just makes me feel stupid and foolish. This process is supposed to be fun and exciting. I’m not having fun, I’m feeling out of control, helpless, and a little mix between angry and sad. So, I am not waiting much longer, and he knows that. But, while I wait, I really need to zip it. And I need your support!
Thanks for listening 🙂
Post # 3
There are definitely many people in a similar situation here.
I hope he proposes soon! If he brings it up, I’d just let him know that you want to get married… the proposal itself isn’t that big of a deal. Maybe that will help him feel a bit less pressured to make things perfect.
I really don’t get it when guys do that. Just hurry up already lol.
Post # 4
I know! When the previous plan/surprise was “ruined,” I felt so bad. But I said, listen, I just want to marry you. You can propose to me while we’re sitting on the couch in the living room. No matter what, it’s special to me, because it means we’re making that commitment. But, to him, it’s bigger than that. He wants it to be perfect and special. But, right, JUST DO IT ALREADY! 🙂
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
If you know it’s that close (presumably if he’s making plans, he’s bought a ring) then you should just sit tight and enjoy the anticipation. It really sounds like this is no longer an “if” situation, just a matter of when, and I can tell you from experience (and a husband who kept postponing his propoal for 6 months waiting for me to shut it) that the best thing you can do is keep quiet.
I know from my husband at least, he wanted it to be 100% from him; he didn’t want to feel like he was proposing in response to something I said or did, he wanted it to be completely genuine and from his heart.
You came to the right place though, just relax and wait for something wonderful to happen, 🙂 But whatever you do– do NOT give him an ultimatum, there isn’t a faster way to kill a pending engagement in my opinion. He knows you want to get married, no need to keep reminding him, and if you have a deadline that’s fine, but keep it to yourself. Otherwise you’ll both spend the rest of your relationship wondering weather he proposed because he wanted to, or just because he didn’t want you to leave at that moment.
Post # 6
Thank you thank you. I needed to hear that 🙂 Consider my mouth zipped. Thanks for the support!!
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
@canarydiamond: Yes! Definitely help him ease the pressure of proposing by just reassuring him that you want to be with him forever and that you just want to be his wife. Ultimately, the proposal is just the formality to start the wedding planning (in my own opinion). In my case, FH wanted to propose the night before he actually did and flaked out. We were out to dinner and he had the ring all set to go (I didn’t even know he bought a ring yet), but this guy kept making rounds at the tables filling water and taking plates every few minutes and FH felt like he had no good moment to ask me. The next evening we were just at home watching TV in our junkiest clothes and he asked me if I wanted another glass of wine (duh, of course I do, lol). Anyway, he told me to close my eyes and when I opened them he was on bended knee. I know that it wasn’t necessarily the way he wanted to propose and that he wanted something more special, but he also knew that I wouldn’t care if we were on top of the Empire State Building or in the backyard. I just want to marry him. 🙂 Guys feel a lot of pressure to make things perfect when proposing (look at all those proposal videos that go viral…it seems that there’s a new one every week floating out there). I’m sure it will happen for you soon! As for all those people who keep asking questions, I would just ask them to quit it and that they’re not helping. If they are close to you, they should be understanding.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
@canarydiamond: & @patiencevirtue:
How many times have you heard/seen a woman tell her proposal story? Well, even if they’re not paying attention or care all that much– guys hear it too. They want you to have a special and romantic story to tell your family and friends. I know it’s hard to wait, but honestly, it’s worth it in the end. He’s trying to give you more than just a ring and a promise; he’s trying to create a perfect memory for you to share and think about for the rest of your life.
This is only going to happen once in your life, give him a break for wanting to make it perfect.
Post # 9
Well ladies, I was hesitant to post anything on here. But I’m glad I did. You’re all right, I just needed to hear it. I have so many thoughts spinning around in my head. It’s all really pretty simple – we want to marry each other, he wants the proposal to be memorable. Simple. But, when you’re waiting, and in the situation, so many thoughts swirl around – why is he waiting? Is he going to dump me? Why am I waiting around? I’m angry. I’m sad. Blah blah blah. It turns you into a crazy person! 🙂 It’s simple. Thanks – I appreciate you all helping me keep my head on straight.
Post # 10
How old are you, and how long have you been together? (I’m actually surprised that no one’s asked yet!)
Post # 11
Welcome to the boards. Like vorpalette suggested, it would be helpful to know your ages and length of the relationship.
Anyway, being patient is hard when you want something so badly, but talking about it all the time can really put unnecessary pressure on your SO, and make him feel like he is doing something wrong. There is no harm in asking or talking about when you’d ideally like to get engaged, and find out if he has given it consideration, but if you have already done that, there is not much else you can get out of him.
You aren’t stupid or foolish, and screw what everyone else says. This is your relationship, and if you are okay with the way things are, then who cares about what anyone else thinks?
Post # 12
Welcome! The waiting board is full of us who are just waiting on the right time for their SO to propose. Join us over there if you’d like. You can even request to be added to the waiting list! There are tons of us.