Finally know why he won't propose

posted 2 weeks ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
3383 posts
Sugar bee

You all need to get on the same page re finances before you get engaged. You may just be imcompatible.

Post # 3
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

It took him this long to come up with reasons? Sounds more like an afterthought, with him trying to desperately come up with reasons to put off the engagement indefinitely.

Post # 4
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

desy87 :  I consider marrying someone with poor financial choices the same way I’d consider buying a money pit of a house.  You’ve got to REALLY love that house, like with your whole being.  You go in knowing it’s going to at least cost you X amount more than a normal house during your lifetime but also assume it could double or triple intermittently. 

Obviously your boyfriend learned from his past relationship and has new boundaries for what he wants in a partner. That’s called being smart, growing up, and taking care of yourself. There is absolutely no reason for you to be ‘annoyed’ that he has a standard. Either meet his standard or find someone else with different standards. 

I think he didn’t tell you the reason (if it is indeed his only one) hoping you’d become more financially responsible on your own because people only make real permanent changes when it’s what THEY want to do.

Post # 5
Member
2914 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

kayaa :  this. He’s making excuses. 

desy87 :  you’re almost 30 and you’ve been with him *5* years already, living together for 2 of those.   You’ve been waiting for him to want to marry you for *years* already (per your other thread) and all you get is excuses.  How hurtful and insulting.  Eff him, I would have already moved out. He knows inside you’re not “the one” but keeps you around because it’s comfortable for *now*.  I’m sorry.

Post # 6
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

Supernurse :  So it’s ok for him to refuse to tell her why he wouldn’t marry her for months because he “hoped” she would change? He’s free to have his dealbreakers but to keep her in the dark and waste her time after 5 years together is not justifiable.

Post # 7
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

Supernurse :  This is not only unnecessarily harsh but super presumptive of you. All she says is she has one small loan, no other debt, she is financially secure and that he thinks she wastes money on extra things but she doesn’t feel she does. She even says she’s fine with not combining finances and does not seem to have any expectation of living off his income as his ex did. None of this means she spends frivolously as we have no idea what his expectations are versus what she actually does. You’re basically bashing OP for no reason and suggesting her boyfriend is some sort of a saint for “growing up” and “setting boundaries” by never discussing any of this with OP. This is such an insane comment. 

Post # 8
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

liyag :  What he’s done is similar to what so many of the posters here have done, moved in and set up with someone in the hope they would change. I suppose they’ve both done it really.

 

Post # 9
Member
4926 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

It’s been 5 years and he’s grabbing at straws to avoid marrying you. You can do better and hopefully one day you’ll realize it.

Post # 10
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

desy87 :  Honestly, I think a lot of these things should’ve been brought to your attention by him in a non-confrontational way, especially if he cares about and wants to build a future with you. If he really felt you could come to a compromise, which is how marriage should be anyway, he probably would’ve talked to you about it before it came out in a fight. I don’t think he’s actually serious about building a future with you and I don’t think paying off that small loan is gonna change that. I’m sorry Op. 

Post # 11
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

desy87 :  Can I ask if you were the one hoping/pushing for marriage in the relationship?

It sounds to me like you have two different views on the time you have spent living together. You believed it would lead to marriage, where as he was viewing it as a trial period to see if he wanted to make a life with you in the long term. Sad to say, but given he keeps pointing out things about you that annoy him, he may have made up his mind he does not and just doesn’t have the heart/guts to tell you outright.

I think you need to have a serious conversation with him and get him to tell you the truth. If he wont and he doesn’t propose asap, he never will.

Post # 12
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

barbyq :  If you read her other thread, it’s obvious that they have had multiple conversations that went nowhere because he made excuses before he admitted he didn’t know why he didn’t want to marry. Now he has more excuses.

Post # 13
Member
1973 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

desy87 :  He lied before; he’s lying now. He doesn’t want to marry you, and is throwing out stall excuses because the deadline is almost up. If you agree to a deadline/timeline and don’t follow through, you lose credibility. He’ll know he can do whatever, and you won’t leave. 

Post # 14
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

antiqueoecs :  point taken!  I think I was limping two threads I read back to back instead of just this one with it’s own merits.

Post # 15
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

desy87 :  do you really want to commit your future to someone who is looking for reasons NOT to be with you and who is so eager to point out “flaws”? 

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