- 2 weeks ago
He’s just making excuses.
He’s just making excuses.
Are you going to leave at the end of your timeline, on your walk out date?
This is what your boyfriend is doing when he’s listing off all his excuses (Maybe he thinks he’s clever deflecting everything onto you but this tactic was already a cliche thousands of years ago):
Aesop’s Fable – The Wolf and the Lamb
A Wolf was drinking at a spring on a hillside. On looking up he saw a Lamb just beginning to drink lower down. “There’s my supper,” thought he, “if only I can find some excuse to seize it.” He called out to the Lamb, “How dare you muddle my drinking water?”
“No,” said the Lamb; “if the water is muddy up there, I cannot be the cause of it, for it runs down from you to me.”
“Well, then,” said the Wolf, “why did you call me bad names this time last year?”
“That cannot be,” said the Lamb; “I am only six months old.”
“I don’t care,” snarled the Wolf; “if it was not you, it was your father;” and with that he rushed upon the poor little Lamb and ate her all up.
Tell me you have a brain and you’re not buying this half-baked excuse. Why are you with this guy if you want to be married? He doesnt want to marry you, and he’s not going to make it any plainer than he already has.
sunburn : I’m with sunburn on this- OP, why are you even still with him? It has been years of excuses. He ran out for awhile and then came up with a pathetic new excuse.
If you really feel the need to wait out the timeline then fair enough, but you’re wasting another month of your life with this guy who is clearly not interested in ever marrying you.
That’s a dumb explanation. Start ups fail, jobs can be lost. If you begin thinking with such an approach to life, you will never get anywhere. He’s just not that into you unfortunately. Cut your losses.
Doesn’t sound genuine to me. Did you have debt before? If not nothing was stopping him proposing several years ago.
You said his ex lived off him. Was he annoyed about this or complaining about it? It could be why he is nervous about getting married.
tobeeeornottobeee : No, he was not annoyed that she lived off him. He told me about it to make a point that when there are valid reasons for financial difficulties (like her losing her job and being unable to find work), he is supportive, but that I was taking on a huge risk that I could have easily avoided by staying in my job, and he was not willing to marry me and share finances when I am taking a loan that he might have to help me pay off because start ups have a high failure rate and also because he thinks I spend too much on useless things.
desy87 : So he is a risk averse guy who thinks you should have stayed in a regular job and not left it to go freelance or begin a business because of the high failure rate of new businesses? Whereas you are more comfortable with taking chances? This may be a genuine reason and not an excuse, although complaints about spending habits five years into the relationship are a bit silly.
Honestly, like many other bees are saying, this definitely sounds like another excuse to me. He wouldn’t and shouldn’t be looking for excuses to not wanting to marry you, which is exactly what he is doing. it’s very mean and degrading of him to use this as an excuse, when there is no real reason for it. you said it’s a small loan, you are using it wisely, and could and would pay it off if the business doesn’t work out. so what you buy things for yourself, who doesn’t?
if he really loved you and could see a future with you, he would not be making up all kinds of bullshit excuses. he knows you want to get married, why is he making you not only wait, but also being mean about it? He’s stringing you along and you deserve better, you deserve someone who knows that they want to marry you, flaws and all. even though it’s hard, i would say you need to leave him and find someone who will appreciate you.
lioness88 : Thank you for sharing this! I am single at 31 after breaking up right before turning 30. It’s so encouraging to hear your story!
OP, sorry to say it but I agree with other posters who say that it sounds like your Boyfriend or Best Friend may love you but is stringing you along when it comes to marriage. The way I’d look at it is why did he not tell you this before, or break up with you, if the debt and “spending habits” were a dealbreaker?
You took a loan to start a new business, and are paying it back- that’s commendable and something a lot of men would see as a plus!
desy87 : this is such BS. Men will move mountains to marry a girl they love and are super into, despite her flaws. Especially a dumb flaw like “you spend too much on non essentials”…like uh, ok bro goodluck finding a girl who doesn’t.
When a man is in love, he LOOKS PAST your flaws and builds you up. You work through it together. He doesn’t pinpoint reasons why he can’t marry you and then dangle a carrot in front of your face. Homeboy doesn’t want to marry you.
He’s come up with one more excuse and it’s the worst one that confirms nothing is happening in December. He’s not looking for rings either.
He said we are not even 30 yet which is a joke because he is 28 and I’m 29.