Finally…Officially Waiting?

posted 2 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee

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@snicole:  Sorry this has been stressful for you, but why didn’t you just have an open conversation with him?  There’s no point in a big “surprise” especially if it’s causing you this much anxiety.  Discuss that you want to get married, get some clarity, and let him present you with a ring as a “surprise” if you want some sort of formal ta-da moment.  But I would just actually talk about it instead of having a breakdown and then tiptoeing around the issue when he tries to actually discuss it.  It sounds like you need answers so don’t feel bad about getting them.  After 4 years together and three children between you, some big proposal moment isn’t worth it if you both just want to get married.

Post # 4
Member
10602 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I mean, what was he supposed to say when he saw you crying? The only two answers to that are either “yes we’re gonna get married” in which case you stop crying and talking about it for a while or “I’m not ready/don’t want to/etc” in which case you cry more and leads to an ongoing argument/disruption of your lives and general unpleasantness. 

Maybe he’s sincere? I hope so. But he could just as easily have said the appropriate thing to get out of the situation because he didn’t have any other option to avoid a fight. 

Post # 6
Member
10602 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Why not let him tell you then? It’s no surprise that you two intend to get married, maybe it would be less stressful for everyone if you just shared openly with each other the way you would about anything else? Then you both know exactly where you are in your timeline and can work together.

Post # 8
Member
7707 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

A big “surprise” isn’t realistic when people have been together for YEARS and parent children together, and when waiting makes you sad and anxious. The ship sailed on that a while ago. A year or two or three ago you might have been surprised and delighted; now you are worried and upset. He can clearly see that, so what is he waiting for? He either cannot get his act together enough to ask in a timely manner or he doesn’t care that you are driven to distraction by his inaction. Neither is a good look for him.

Post # 9
Member
840 posts
Busy bee

It does sound like you fit the “waiting” criteria.

Aside from him probably “making the proposal extra special” maybe he wants to be extra certain before commitment because you have been married. Did you guys discuss the value of marriage and what it means to the other? Do you guys see marriage as temporary or forever? Maybe he’s nervous if you both havent opened up about that part yet.

a real conversation about expectations needs to happen not just the idea of proposal/marriage. Have you spoken entirely about future together? If not then that needs to happen before proposal. Also a timeframe 

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