Post # 16
We announced to my family at 16 weeks, his mom at 14 weeks (only bc she had major surgery and couldn’t make it to the party at 16 weeks), and the rest of his family at 17 weeks. We had four US before we told anyone.
I don’t blame you for not wanting to share right now. Luckily Darling Husband and I were on the same page. You just never know what can happen, and if something happened it is a very personal thing to share. SIL has absotely no place in trying to force it out of you, and at least you know she can’t really be trusted with confidential information now.
Post # 17
Thanks so much for your comments everyone.
He just woke up, feeling worse, with a fever and in a horrible mood. We got into it again so I’m pretty much in bed for the night. Happy 4th of July to me I guess….
Post # 18
Your SIL is being obnoxious and out of line, but if your husband is ready to tell his family and thinks it’s more important to tell them now than to tell them in a cute way, I think you should at least seriously consider his feelings. It’s his baby, too, and God forbid you do miscarry, he will also grieve that loss. I think its legitimate for him to feel like he wants to share the joy now and celebrate this baby no matter what the outcome. You may feel differently and that’s also legit, but I do think you should think about his point of view. There are some things in parenting where the decision is solely up to the gestational parent – whether to continue or terminate a pregnancy, whether to have an epidural, whether to breastfeed, etc – but I think there are also some times when you have to be like, “this baby is in my body, but it is also his baby.” I think this is one of those times.
Post # 19
Nope nope nope. SIL is out of line. Big time.
Good for you for putting your foot down with her. I would stop telling your SIL anything at this level of importance. Honestly, I’d stop taking her phone calls for a while to make it super clear that that behavior is not OK. She had no right to blackmail you into telling…wtf who does that? How dare she threaten to spill the beans if you don’t?!!!
Husband will come around once you get a handle on SILs influence. She’s probably pressuring him and making him feel guilty for hiding the news. If you two agreed then he shouldn’t be giving you shit for sticking with the original plan.
It’ll blow over. Once he feels better have a talk and let him know how you feel and how you’d appreciate sticking with the plan you all agreed to before.
Post # 20
I’ve had four children and several miscarriages. Definitely wait unless you’re completely okay with everyone you know to know you msicarried. I’m a very private person so for me, that’s an absolute no go. It doesn’t matter what they want. No one knows until BOTH parents agree. If you guys are already having issues now, you might want to set some pretty clear boundaries with people pretty quickly.
Post # 21
anonybee8683: As crappy as fighting is while learning and adjusting to being pregnant….this can all be useful. Start now making the peace plan….have that conversation with your husband on how the future can be more peaceful when you both learn to compromise. Its work, but can be done. The major issue is getting on the same page with your husband, leave sister in law out of it….she’s proven to be a tad toxic.
You have the right for your own timeline and decisions for you, so explain to husband (I know you already did, but ask him to listen again, and explain you need some peace and togetherness) ask his opinion and input and work together on your plan.
I’d advise again to leave his sister out of the planning….she might not be the “enemy” but she’s not hearing your words or respecting your feelings. This is your family now and it should be whats best for you, your husband and baby.
Good luck and I hope you have that fun reveal you are wanting, it is a fun surprise!! xo
Post # 22
anonybee8683: your SIL is way out of line, especially in suggesting that this disagrement could lead to divorce.
BUT telling his parents isn’t exactly the same as blasting it all over Facebook.
I dunno, I told my mom as soon as I peed on a stick, but never mentioned my pregnancies on Facebook. If I ended up having a miscarriage, I’m pretty sure the in-laws would know regardless. I mean my husband does have the right to open up to his parents about HIS loss. That’s not the same as untelling Joe Shmo, who I haven’t seen since he sat next to me in 11th grade physics.
Post # 23
We only told my parents and my sister when we first found out. Like you, my Mother-In-Law can’t keep a secret to save her life, so we didn’t tell them until we were ready for everyone to know: 14 weeks. We were able to tell most people in person in a fun/cute way and it was great! Tell your SIL that you have a plan for how you want to tell people and that she only has to wait for 2 more weeks. And tell your husband that he needs to start being supportive or this is going to be a long 7 more months!
Post # 24
I think it was a mistake to tell SIL and she is overly involved in your marriage. The decisions you make with your partner should not be up for discussion. That aside, I think it should be up to you when you tell people.
FYI we lost our son a year and a half ago. I had to be induced then vaginally deliver our dead baby. My Fiance had told everyfuckingone I was pregnant. I had wanted to wait. Having people come up to me afterwards asking me when I was due or how was the baby was one of the worst things I’ve ever gone through.
Post # 25
renierose: Trust me it is. We are from a different culture that has REALLY large families spread out all over the world. My Mother-In-Law WILL tell her 6 sisters and within minutes the entire community will know. News around here spread like wildfire!!!
Im insanely pissed at SIL so I’m keeping my distance from her. I made it very clear to Darling Husband last night that whatever happens in this house, stays in this house. Like desss: said, she is way too involved and is butting in way too much. This has got to stop. This was supposed to be fun, she told us, we told her…..but she clearly doesn’t understand boundaries. So from now on, no more SIL involved in our personal lives.
We also discussed what most of you said about only telling the people that we will be comfortable sharing ANY news with. Good or bad. Next time we see his parents (which happens to be the day after the US anyway…..) we will tell them and Darling Husband will lay down the law with his mother as far as keeping her mouth shut. I still have the feeling they are going to ruin the surprise one way or another but I guess we will just have to wait and see.
desss: I am so sorry for your loss and I can see how that can be so horrible. I am trying to avoid putting ourselves in that situation.
Anyway we talked, we are better….. We both apologized and are going to move on from this. We have made it a point to not involve anyone in any decisions from now on. And we will see what happens 😁
Thanks so much guys…. You all have been amazing throughout the last few years and I’m glad you didn’t think I was a troll!!!! 😂