(Closed) Finally Started Planning and Awkward Convos with People Not Invited

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
4152 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Andddd this is exactly why I don’t have FB. So awkward… I would pretend I never saw that comment…. Lol is that mean??

Post # 3
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

Ok…

Post # 5
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

Ughhh yes happened to me!! Same kind of situation but it happened in person.. Totally awkward. I just said it was going to be a small wedding and invited her to our after party. The guest list was the worst part of planning for me. I would probably ignore that comment on Facebook or remove the picture! If she talks about it, mention it’s a small, mostly family wedding! 

 

Post # 6
Member
4242 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Never ever ever ever post wedding plans on Facebook.  Typically not everyone on your Facebook friends list is invited to the wedding so it can just lead to awkward questions and awkward comments.  I would delete the entire post and just not post any other wedding things on social media.

Post # 7
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Avoiding facebook is wise, and as for the friend, I wouldn’t say anything until it gets closer and then just explain that you’d love to have her there, but given space restraints you’re keeping it to family and lifelong friends only.

She might get upset, but that’s not in your control. We had a few friends that I just plain forgot about until after the event and guests were posting photos and they were shocked and upset they weren’t invited… I just apologized and explained it was a super small wedding. We weren’t that close before, so it didn’t really affect our friendship, and we were still invited to (and in fact helped to save) their wedding.

Post # 8
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee

This is why, even though I worked really hard on our beautiful wedding website, I didn’t post it on FB.  You can’t do that.

Post # 9
Member
2171 posts
Buzzing bee

I say do what you want, MOST people will understand that weddings are on a budget. If they don’t get that, and are just assuming to be invited, thats wrong on THEIR part. To me, facebook is all about sharing what you want about your life. You are planning your wedding so share what you want. Sure not everyone on your facebook is going to be invited. Think about how many people saw that post and didn’t assume they were invited. Don’t take on someone else’s issues. Granted, people are gonna say whatever you want about whatever you post so think about this before posting anywhere. 

Good luck, bee!

Post # 10
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
mandygurl88:  “... she thinks i’m one of her best friends, and she clearly isn’t one of mine.”

Not clear to her obviously! However I don’t think you’ll have that problem for much longer, once she realizes she’s not invited

I think if you talk about it to people in too much detail they naturally assume they going to be invited beause who is going to do that with someone thats not coming, it would be so rude.     I’d stay away away from facebook and shut it up at work.

Post # 11
Member
7502 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you don’t want people expecting an invitation to your wedding or asking you a million questions abotu your wedding, don’t put your wedding stuff on facebook. It’s as simple as that. When you put stuff out there for the world to see, don’t be surprised when they see it and they respond.

Post # 12
Hostess
4076 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

View original reply
mandygurl88:  First off, congrats on finishing the bar!!!!  I took it last year and it was hellacious.  I’ve been tempted to post pictures of wedding related things, but after hearing a lot of horror stories on here, I decided not to share anything after the “OMG HE PROPOSED YAY!” post.  We set a date and booked the venue a couple of months ago and only our close friends and family know.  I know personally when I saw friends wedding details on FB I got some FOMO and was bummed I wasn’t invited (though I would NOT have commented expecting an invite!) so I think it’s just best all around for people who aren’t invited to literally know nothing about your wedding until it’s over, but that’s just me.

Post # 13
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

This is why I’m glad that I’ve moved a lot and don’t keep in touch with a ton of people regularly. I use Facebook to see how people I haven’t seen in awhile are doing, but I tend to have either closer friends or casual acquaintances. Not much grey area. I have some old classmates from high school on there but we weren’t very good friends even then and haven’t spoken in a decade. And some friends from different parts of the world who would be way too far away to attend anyway. For my situation it’s nice to put a few things on social media just so I can share it with people who can’t be here, but luckily I don’t have people I’m not close to who would expect to invited.

I posted a photo of the scenic ceremony site at my venue and had one person contact me about it, but luckily it was my cousin who is definitely on our guest list. He was just interested in knowing if children would be allowed because it’s a weekend wedding and they will use it as a vacation if they know far enough in advance they can bring their kids.

Post # 14
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I have not posted my engagement. AT ALL. So much easier, and I love being able to talk to friends when I give them the news. 

Post # 15
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I post about my wedding, but if someone were to make an awkward comment I would either ignore it or respond bluntly. XD

I had one friend message me on Facebook after we announced our engagement asking about the wedding. I felt bad because we were close friends before, and while we don’t spend a ton of time together now, I do still consider her a good friend and nearly family. I would have invited her if I had more room. I would say she’s on the A- list, instead of the B list as there are some people who are definitely B list.

We’re only having about 35 people, including our photographer & their assistant, so some hard cuts had to be made. Our venue only seats 45 people and we invited 57, which made me extremely nervous – but we knew ahead of time that a lot of people probably wouldn’t be able to go because it would mean traveling for them – like my grandparents. I had to send them an invite, but I knew that they wouldn’t be able to travel because of their failing health.  I just couldn’t invite even more people without giving myself a heart attack.

I think the weird part for me is that this is the same girl who asked on her facebook page “So who wants an invitation to my wedding?” Of course I said I wanted one.  She sent me one, but then called to tell me that I wasn’t going to be able to attend. It was going to be family only, as that was all they could afford.  The invitation came with informational cards for her and her fiance’s wedding registries.  She should have just said “who wants the information for my wedding registry?” instead. :/

But, I wasn’t miffed at the time. I actually felt for her, because she was marrying a man with two children already and her kids had a hard life. I ended up buying arond $400 worth of stuff from the registry for her, her husband, and the kids.

Now that I look back on it and have started planning my own wedding I realize what she did was really rude, actually. So gift grabby. And the way she’s acted since then has only made me realized how entitled she is. She really expects people to go out of their way to spend money on her and her daughter, and it’s so strange to me.  That’s probably the reason why I decided not to invite her in the end.

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