(Closed) Finally understanding “young, in love, and broke”

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Fiance and i are waiting for him to be done with school and living off my income. I make JUST enough to keep a roof over our heads, pay the bills and eat. Thankfully he’ll be working FT in the summer so we can get some of this wedding paid for lol. But yeah, i get it. Date night is when we eat at the table instead of at the tv, and i light some candles. If we’re really splurging we might share a $10 bottle of wine. You know, just to make things a little more fancy πŸ˜›

 A decade of med school eh? your fi must be planning on a pretty hefty specialization. My parents were married when my dad was 2 years into med school, and then he went on to specialize in anesthesia. he didn’t start working (like actual work, not just interning) until i was 5 years old, and they had 3 kids! I do remember a little bit of what it was like before my dad started working.. I shared a bedroom with both my brother and my sister, and we spent a lot of time at the public park. Then after he started working, we moved into a 5 bedroom house, got a minivan and got to go to disney world lol. I’ve talked to my mom about it, and she has always maintained that she wouldn’t change a single thing.

Post # 4
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Awww… hugs!

My grandma used to say that if you can be poor and happy, you can be rich and happy.

Post # 5
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

I totally know how you feel. I feel like after our paycheques are given to us, our bills are paid, and the wedding money is set aside in savings… We have enough to eat. We’re happy, but we can’t wait to be “grown up” with a real house etc. I think it will be awesome to be able to look back on this part of our lives and think “Damn we were BROKE! But we were SO happy!”

Post # 6
Bee
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence

Mr. D and I essentially live paycheque to paycheque. We have money in savings, for the wedding, but even putting away the tiny amount of money we do has put a big dent in our finances. We live a bit more “rich” through the warm months thanks to generous tax returns and smaller heating bills but the cost of living here is nuts and together we make less than the average income for an individual in this town.

He stressed more than I do, but we pay our bills, we eat good food most of the time, we have enough money for gas in the truck and a few nice things, and somehow, every time I think we’re going to get totally screwed over for being broke, money comes out of somewhere. It isn’t ideal and it’s not really sustainabie (especially because I want babies!) but for now, it’s our lives, and I think we’ll look back on it in that fond way.

We’ll get there! And if not, it will work out somehow. That’s what I stick to. πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I know how you feel. We’re not broke, but we don’t have the money to be frivolous right now. I’m not going to lie, I’ve lived a pretty comfy lifestyle being that my dad paid for everything until a couple of months ago. Now I’m watching how I spend..I haven’t shopped in months, etc. I know its going to be like this for a couple of years, since both Fiance and I are starting a nursing program in August and we probably will only get to work part time/not all. But putting all of this aside, I have never been happier.. and I feel pretty blessed to build a life with Fiance out of pretty much nothing. We’ve accomplished so much in the past year, and I can honestly say I never would be where I’m at emotionally or maturity wise without this struggle. 

Post # 8
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee

I totally understand! At least you know it’s a “phase” and your situation will not always be like this. 

My FH finished law school last May and they were the worst three years of our lives (economically speaking). We both came from upper-middle class, private school all the way, lavish vacations etc, yadda yadda yadda. After undergrad I got some crap paying job because it was the first job offered to me while he was in law school and it was just horrible. 

Now, we finally reached light at the end of the tunnel and he has a great paying job and we can finally breathe again and have a little fun. 

The hard times definitely make you feel grateful and appreciative …and I will never forget! 

Sorry you are having a hard day. Sounds like the two of you have a very optimistic future thoughWink.

Post # 10
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It will get better!  Just remember to let that stress tie you together and not drive you apart and you’ll be ok.  There are so many things you can do without money!  Date nights for a hike or to the public library.  A restaurant where there are live shows and just buy a beer and enjoy some good music.  Take a walk together or go for a run or hit up an introductory yoga class!  You’ll be surprised at how much you can get done on a small budget!

Post # 12
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Darling Husband and I have always said we’re happy we have never been richer than we are now (read: not very) cause it means we don’t know any better! haha.

Really though, I was broke all through college (had scholarships but worked summers for living money) and my husband’s family has always lived dollar to dollar, so we were prepared for this financial period in our life and I’m actually thankful for it. It caused us to communicate about money, lay it all out there and budget and decide what we valued immediately, and compromise on our differences. And then when we can’t afford something, we laugh it off and think about how in the future we’ll look back at our tiny one-bedroom apartment thinking that spending $30 on dinner is a big night out and be nostalgic for this time in our lives. Truly, we’re thankful to have jobs, a little bit of savings, and a game plan for our future – what else do we need at this point? πŸ™‚ And if we lose it all in the future, at least we know we can be happy and poor at the same time.

Post # 13
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

Agh! If only to live that! I am not even engaged yet, and it’s this very subject that keeps us from getting married. We want to be married more than anything, but until we both find jobs that pay real money instead of Monopoly dollars (I’m currently serving as an AmeriCorps volunteer, which means I get a “modest living stipend” and qualify for food stamps) we can’t even think about having a wedding. I love A Practical Wedding’s philosophy of not having to be affluent to wed, but we know the kind of wedding we want, and we need to save some serious dollars (and by “serious” I mean “a couple thousand” – can you tell I’ve never made much?Wink) before we can do that.

I will say, though, that we’re learning so much. Not only about the “grownup” things of financial institutions, loans, and credit, but about each other. We don’t need to go out to dinner – we can make dinner really affordably and have lots of fun doing it! If we wanna make it special, we’ll dress up and light candles – doesn’t cost any more, but makes it more special. 

And even if we can’t afford it now, it helps for us to talk about the kind of life we want to live someday (Seriously, if we get the “Someday Future Dream House” we’ve been discussing, it’s going to be friggin’ MAGICAL!)

It’s really easy to get discouraged. My volunteering contract is over in a couple months and I have no idea what my next move should be. My apartment’s lease is up at the end of August, and I have no idea where I’ll go. But hearing the stories of you girls being “Broke and Happy” is definitely encouraging!

Post # 15
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MrsDrRose612:  Yep! My husband and I started dating in high school (17&18) and we did an LDR at separate colleges, then were married a year and a half ago when we graduated (now almost 23&24) – it’s been a huge learning experience between the two of us and we’ve gotten to decide how we want to live our lives, handle our finances, where our careers will go, etc – but together. We’re moving to a new state for me to start my PhD program soon and I can’t even imagine making all those decisions without his support – we’re literally building from the ground up in a brand new place. So when things get rough (and sometimes I still panic about $) we can look at our lives and say, this is what we created out of the little that we have. It can only get better from here, but even if it doesn’t, we’re still f***ing happy! πŸ™‚

Have you tried spacing out your bills some? We pay rent with the first paycheck, elec/water the second, student/car loans the third… etc. We also put more $ in our “savings” checking acct than we actually need, and then take it out if we need it – then we always know we have a reserve but it forces you to think about whether your purchase is really worth it. Then it doesn’t seem like you’re so broke all at once!

Post # 16
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Welcome to the club. πŸ™‚ Sorry you are having a rough day of it – we all have them, I think. Even people who are better off, I’d bet! We aren’t new to the “barely scraping by” club, but we’ve learned to adjust to it, and it’s STILL rough sometimes. We started dating at 18 & 20 and now are a month from 22 & 24, living together since 2009. I cried last week and Darling Husband was like, what’s wrong, and I said, “I’m not used to being this broke!” He pointed out that yes, in fact, we haven’t been in a super different position for probably the past 3 years (together 4) and I was like, “I know, but now it’s REAL!” He thought I was nuts. πŸ˜‰

I’m starting back to Grad School this summer (but luckily get to keep my job, though I am currently way underpaid anyway.) It’s a tough decision to make. I put it off for a year just to test the waters even. My parents helped me until I graduated last May and that was a big adjustment but now the other stuff I hadn’t had to pay – the car insurance & health insurance since they just kept me on theirs. Now I think how crazy it is that $200 extra in bills can really break your budget and spending habits.

There’s a song that epitomizes our “young, in love, and broke days” – I’m going to be that weirdo poster that posts some song lyrics. Sorry guys. πŸ˜‰ I don’t do this often. I was going to just post the chorus but decided, what the heck, if I’m going to be a weirdo might as well share the whole song. I’m sure *some* of you have heard it and others it isn’t quite your scene/genre. πŸ˜‰

We Got Us – Canaan Smith (Btw, he’s adorable)

Here we are making all our big plans
Jumping, way into the deep end
Hey girl why we don’t just leave tonight
Pack it up, drive until the road ends
It feels like this can be the moment
We’ve been waiting on all our lives
We know we’re ready
It may sound crazy

Cause we got no money
Nothing of our own honey
Got your daddy all worried
Cause times are tough
We got love, baby
It don’t sound like much maybe
There ain’t no way that’s not enough
Cause we got us

They say life’s not a love song
I thinks everybody’s all wrong
So far, forever sounds good to me
We’ve got California moonlight
Enough gas to make it to the sunrise
And two hearts believing that’s all we’d need
Nothing here’s missing
This is what I call living

Cause we got no money
Nothing of our own honey
Got your daddy all worried
Cause times are tough
We got love, baby
It don’t sound like much maybe
There ain’t no way that’s not enough
Cause we got us

Oh, we’ve come too far to turn around
Nothing can stop us, not now
Someday we’re gonna laugh
At the way things used to be

When we had no money
Nothing of our own honey
We had your daddy all worried
Cause times were tough
We got love, baby
It don’t sound like much maybe
There ain’t no way that’s not enough
Cause we got us
We got us, yeah yeah

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